EricL

it is time

2011-11-16T03:24:00.001+08:00

September 8, 2011.

That was my last post. LOL 2 months. should i say its a new life? a fcuked life? or i just moved on? or now only i got the guts to continue writing my blogs?

trust me. i don't meant to neglect my blog. it just that, its really funny, the previous post i was with Mic, and after that, we broke up. LOL yea we broke up. she back to her ex, and i moved on like a emo hai. just that i hold until now, 2 months later, only write this, reason? i don't know. probably it is just because i don't want it looks so fast breaking up with her? i don't know man.

well that's it. the fact we broke up and it do takes me some times before i recover and moved on.

good things i was hell busy with taekwondo. in the beginning there is martial art night. needa think of demo item without master acknowledges. of course, as usual, we trained without proper guides and without professional advice which lead me to injured and injuries. sien. til today my injuries didn't really recover. but the demo on martial art night went well without saying.

and one after another, 4th tarc championship. another headache. need to train huey miin and xin lei for poomsae. at least, huey miin got 4th place. LOL

and i ter-pull my ligament again during one of the practice. FML. and i can't even kick high with my left leg. hopefully it is ok by the time i write this.

now that demos all gone. success. and times flies like effing fast. its week 9 now and i need to hand in my thesis and assignment but FML i never touch any.

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

i don't give a shit on my thesis and assignment. sigh.... and event come at just the right time.

i don't know waht to do now. procrastinating all my jobs while feeling like playing pokemon. i've been skipping classes like no body business and of course i still alive.

just that i failed sohai corp comm and psychology. God knows how the heck i failed corp comm. FML i wrote so much and confident only to realized Mr Fazham said i never show my work to anyone so all this while only me that thinks my answers was correct. FML. he's probably right.

assignment due thursday. tomorrow hand in to kel sern. but havent read a shit. thesis? im so fcuked. and i felt like playing pokemon after all.

and, since martial art night, i came to knew this girl, susan. and falls deeply into her the moment i knew her. she was't the type that sweet girl. or polite. she's pretty rough type of girl.

so i had no idea why i like her on my first sight. and still, i was single now. hahahaha.

i think im getting sleepy and gives no shit. do tomorrow la.

recently went out alot with tkd gang. movies, steamboats, etc etc.....

Eric Leong signing off.

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

continue from previous entry

2011-09-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

yay! second day, also, last day :(

2nd September 2011, Friday!! its Friday!!

i woke up with the most beautiful face on earth, my BaBY May!!!! :D

its been a dream waking up with her in my arms, seeing the face of an angel, a juicy lips awaiting me to receive her morning kiss. ILY MCMS

wake up, hang around the house, then i decided to have a walk with her. she got hungry, so i bought her bread. then went beside lake to see fish, bought a loaf of bread and feed it to the fishes. and we saw a HUGGEEEE keli, got 2 tortoise! and a koi :D

too bad couldn't find the photos. its with May i think but i couldn't find it lol.

but at least i got this :P

ops.... alah never mind my personal blog ma... :)
luv you baby!! muacks!!! =*

after that. back house, have pasta as breakfast!! woohoo i love pasta :P

credit to haylie ben!

then we lie on my bed , i show her some funny videos in my phone, and i fell asleep with the phone in my hand == sleepy huh ? ==

after that, 11.30am start packing. then we off to check out. woo woo T.T
i wish i could stay longer ......

then i accompany May to The Mines for her dad to pick her up. then i follow wan xuan car back setapak. go to wangsa walk, have movie, The Smurf, with Ai hui, Teck Yu, Sim Lui, Wei Jie, Phee Yee, CK, and me.
i slept 80% through the movie. cause no interest at all. i accompany them watch cause wan xuan fetch me back so i mai accompany lo...

i should've watch it man. but too sleepy. never mind lo...

then had A&W as our lunch before movie.

after all finished, we go back to our own house.

bila ku sangka hari panas sampai malam, tak dijangka hujan di waktu petang. sigh

she said i sweet talk too much to her. well i suppose, its not a good thing also. people will get bored easily. so i shall change. and i did. i know, eric leong. you being too fast. too serious. you bring thing too fast. and now its hurting you.

me: yea, when she said so, i cried.

me2: what?

me: yea. i cried.

me2: the hell?

me: i know right.... im a sensitive bastard.

me2: you know it, why not, try bring things slow down? you know, with your condition, you are scaring the hell out of her you know...

me: i know. i ain't have guts to tell her. knowing she might feel pressure. i don't want to lose her. she is the world to me now. i wish, i could slow down. but i couldn't.

me2: not you can't dude. you choose not to. love is blind. you can't see. you can't feel.

me: i feeling... no security.... afraid she will leave me.

me2: i know you love her too much. that is why you feeling like this man. i know. i know how you feel man. but she see you like this, i bet, she'll freak out. she would wondering, the hell you thinking?

chill la bro. just, give both of you guys time. TIME ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it just the beginning of the relationship. anything you having now is challenge. if you fail, you failed. if you succeed, that's true love.

and stop, asking yourself, who love who more. who sacrifice more. love never is equal bro.
and i think you should tell her how you feel. no point you depress and emo here alone. she is your gf. i know she love you. she called you baby, muacks you. just, treasure her, let he do what she want. if you trust her, if she love you, nothing shall stand between you both.

me: ...

me2: i don't know how to tell you anymore. well, TIME bro... TIME~~ just chill la.

me: i can't concentrate. yesterday, 7 September Wednesday, once i reach my room in tbr, i straight emo. depress. i tell you. that 15 minutes is hell for me. i feel like, want to end my life. want to withdraw. i know. people tell me, don't think so much. i still got my family with me, friends. its not the end of the world. now its not like you both are breaking up. why you depress like kena dump??? LOL

me2: LOL funny la you. you talked too much to her jor la. now if you tell again, she will think you fan lo... but you got no choice. she is your gf. she love you. she has the right to know how you feel. Eric leong, if you can't take care yourself, you being so emotional, over sensitive, so fragile. how you gonna give her security? how to give her trust? do you love her?

me: yes. i love her. i love Michelle.

me2: then that's all what matter. don't make it complicated la dude. seriously. chill. enjoy your relationship. its new! and you got Michelle! what a sweet girl!! you should be grateful man. she love you! she choose to be with you!! despite her parents unhappy, she still stay with you! she give up her past and be with you! you are more important to her!!!

me: i know. i ain't feeling i'm important as last time. i felt, we are getting further away. i know a movie with a guy is nothing. but, sorry. i can't accept that.

me2: if you can't accept that, tell her how you feel. so that she can understand you. she apologies right? and promised you she won't do that again right? then ok jor la. chill la. and you know what, she still small. she is, real baby XD
maybe she not ready for serious relationship. what she want is just a normal relationship. not a serious one. so you calm down. play it slow. ok?

me: she said, last time, her ex didn't sms her after school hour. like part time bf. i'm not.
but she is being like him now......

me2: wait! stop comparing man. stop it. what her ex your ex. stop it man. stop it. its YOU and HER that matter now.

me: thanks man. thanks.

me2: you're welcome. i'm, yourself, i am you. and i am talking to myself now. LOL you owed me dude. XD
chill la bro. go to gym la...

me: ok. lets go man.

me2: leave your phone at home. concentrate :)

me: seriously? ok.

me2: trust her k? trust her.

me: i love Michelle Chui!!!! here is a photo of us, last Sunday after taekwondo training, i went home, and she dated me :)

me2: ish. kau tak habis habis post kissing photo ==

me: LOL i only have these photo at my phone ma. the rest with her :P

me2: lets go bro.

me: lets go. before i sign off, i would like to tell myself, i want to stay strong!! stay strong for Michelle!! for her!! i want to be happy with her. sweet sweet memories with her.

I LOVE YOU MCHS <3

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

A Fun and Memorable Trip to The Mines!!!

2011-09-08T02:22:00.000+08:00

On 1 September and 2 September 2011, Thursday and Friday.

20 monkeys from TARC TAEKWONDO went to the Mines Water Sports Village for our semester break trip!!

Supposedly the trip venue is in Puchong. Well i don't know the real reason behind it. i was just informed that its the same management and they replace the venue to the Mines and there we go. i guess its nearer compare to Puchong. but i shall prefer Puchong despite the distance. but after all, the Mines is not bad except we got ambush by cockroaches 3 times LOL ==

OK. first day, 2pm date with May at The Mines. i was kinda late few minutes. cause her dad early fetch her there jor. ok. the day before, tkd gang went to Jalan Genting Klang to have a badminton session. that is when after the badminton session, we went to Carrefour to buy steamboat, pasta and BBQ ingredient, cause NSK no open ==
after Carrefour, we went to Ai Hui's house to put the food into fridge. then only continue to Jusco cause some items not available at Carrefour
OK that was Wednesday, 31 August 2011.
on 30 August 2011 i went to Jusco to buy the flowers for May. i guessed, Daisy? not sure though LOL

then on Wednesday go collect lo. then back tbr room, bath and rush back to mom's house cause its getting late liao.

OK, continue first day, then i reached the mines, but the other end. dad fetch. but May was at the other end. well guess her dad don't let her go down alone. want to see her enter the group of friends, baru leave. so i called her to meet up, and her dad directed me to his car, meet liao, only go the mines main entrance together.

then after get down the car, we walked into the mines, and i gave her the flower.

me: Baby, can you be my girlfriend?

May: of course la!

:D

and we walk in the mines..... suppose i want to go find them geh... but May said don't want so early la. want dating first wor XD so sweet :P

but chewling called and said she reached there liao want to bring us go to the Heritage Village. so boh bian, mai keep find the way out from the mines and meet chew ling. seriously. i kept lost in the mines == the hell.....

the reached there, yam cha at the kopitiam there. around 3.15pm we checked in to the suite. 2 big rooms and 1 small room. 3 toilets.

not bad. quite luxurious. with nintendo wii some more LOL

then quickly put our stuff and off to WATER SPORTS!!! XD

nice man. we played banana boat, then got one power jet ski drag a buoy that can sit by 2 and 3 people. depend whether you will fall or not but banana boat definitely will fall XD
ride 2 times the buoy and banana boat too. nais man....

nothing nicer when you have your gf to join you :D
May look so beautiful tim :P

then the last water activity we had is a ride on boat :D no falling into water but just take a ride around the water, and we saw SWAN!!!! serious!! i never see one and it was sooo pretty!!!!
the boat driver said it cost RM10,000 for one. they have one pair there. really cool man they seems like fake cause didn't move a lot. but as we move nearer, they start swimming. but we cant get too close cause may scare them. nice man....

then finish all the activities, we go back to room. some go to swim, but i didn't so the rest went to bath.

then off to BBQ!!!

i cooked one chicken wing for baby, and got fishballs, sweet potatoes, hotdog, crab meat, sotong ball, and others.

baby so sweet, keep wipe my sweat away. and keep many food and wait me to eat.

finished, i walked her to suite first since i saw the sign she is sleepy. then with Julius, we walk to convenient shop to buy water. on the way, picked up rm10 for the first time in my life. so i donated it to the club. LOL by purchasing 1.5L coke, 100+ and mineral water XD

this kind of money, don't keep for long la...

do charity better than keep it yourself.

then went home, bath, and we had a long chat beside the window, facing the swimming pool.

and we kissed..... ILY

then we go out to celebrate Julius and Caesar (1Sept), Teck Yu (30 Aug), Wei Jie (10 Sept)'s birthday.

tadaaahh their birthday cake :D

see, they so happy ^^

ops. forgot, our SUITE!!!! :D

not to forget, me and baby May :D

the result of sweating my hair sucks ==
and May always that pretty :D

and there goes our lake......

apa Ai Hui smiling ni == and yea it was me behind there. didn't realize i kena captured photo zzzzzzzz

INILAH BARU TASIK!!! :D

LOL

and my baby May!!! isn't she SWEEEET??? :D

:P

and BBQ time!!!
ps: i always aware of camera XD

:P LOLOLOL

after that, we tried to go play snooker, but to no avail. because can't find any management people. so didn't get to play zzzzzzzzzz

tapi, thanks to Koh Sim Lui. kita ada gambar gambar ni :P
naaaahhh pool table :)

ps: i don't know whose hand is that

naaahhh as a credit to you, Koh Sim Lui

the 'BaBi mulut' XD

LOLOLOL ambik kau hayllie ben XD

my buddy, go through emo with me. tapi tak pernah selamat saya dari keemoan ==

the luizzzz

from left: phee yee, huey miin, hui xin, ai hui

and the 'oldest' couple and surprise package. we surprise they wanted to join us despite their pack didn't join XD

and the 'muka bangga' XD

too bad we couldn't captured much photos during the water sports activities >< else, lagi shok la :Pafter didn't get to play pool, we get back to room. then accompany May talked awhile, as she get sleepy, i accompany her sleep. suppose girls and guys sleep separate room. but i want to accompany her sleep, cause i know i only have that chance. so i just sleep beside her and wait her fall asleep, before i get crazy with the rest of the group XDi thought of asking her to get back to her room after we finished everything. but it happens that Ben Ben and Caesar sleep in the guy room. so i also hug May to sleep lo...what happened in the master room, the card game, cannot be reveal due to the rule of "what happened in the room, remains in the room"no camera or video is allow but only memories :Dbut i would say, i had my best laugh there XDXDXDlots of laugh and noise. poor baby got woke up in the middle of the night due to our noises ><

though in between, got some people that less open critic us. lets forget what is the content and remain only happiness.

after finished card game, some of us continue play Chor Dai Di until 4am, baby May message me asked if i still haven't sleep. then i finished my last game, went to bath and brush my teeth before off to bed with her in my arms. that's all for the first day . second day shall continue in second post.

hard to have the mood to write this long blog. no one gonna read it, after all ==
wasted efforts again sigh....

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

Last Paper of Second Year First Semester

2011-08-25T22:08:00.001+08:00

tomorrow, last paper. AHMC 5434 CRISIS MANAGEMENT FOR PUBLIC RELATIONS.

i admit, i already feel like flying now. my juniors majority already finished exam today. and all flying now. and me, hanging in the middle. no mood study. but i still at the stage of controlling myself from flying. LOL.

today finish AHMC 5404 ADVANCED PUBLIC RELATIONS WRITING
what could i ask for? i was damn lucky to be able to answer the questions. God, thank You for Your guidance, helps, and wisdom you gave me.

i ask no more, but one more blessing from You my dear God. tomorrow is my last paper of this semester and despite i have not much mood to study, i knew i shouldn't give up and i will not give up. i already screwed up my statistic resit paper. not this time man. not this time.

the reason of me writing blog today despite tomorrow morning 9am paper, what else? there is only one reason.

i is so stupid. wtf am i thinking now. not official couple? not yet?? wtf????
seriously. we kissed, we hugged. he held hand. not couple? is what then??? why the hell i am so stupid??

why want to make things complicated?? just because i want to decide a good date to be so-called "officially" ???? how idiot am i!!! whats the point having a good date? go choose Christmas or New Year la!! or February 14!!!

seriously. why am i so childish. why am i such a dickhead. sigh.

if both people in love with each other? whats the matter of asking one another to be couple? whats the point to propose? is it necessary??

why am i so stupid to realize this. fml. FML

ok. i had enough. i so regret now. another few things i regretted in my life. definitely she is hurt. so do i. i promised her not to hurt her. and gonna held her hand through rain and sun. and what the hell i just did. i just.... couldn't forgive myself. i hate myself. i can't afford to hurt her anymore.

and, for her to hurt me, simple. stare at TB. post videos about les couple getting married. seriously. why. why i feel like that. she told me many times that she will not choose back the old road. and she will not make the same mistakes again. she assure me that she love me and serious with me.
and yet, why you always tell me how much you admire TB? or guys with muscular bodies. long hair.

i have no idea. im hurt everytime you tell me that. but i still love you and try to accept you for who you are.

i think my mood getting better. not as emo as earlier. gonna start study real soon.

and, i am so sorry May. sorry for my stupidness. idiotness. im such a fool. im sorry May.

and May, i promise you i will give you a surprise.

ILY.

~ Light up The Darkness ~

True Love Kiss

2011-08-23T23:15:00.001+08:00

woohoo.... today, 23 august 2011, tuesday. 2 days from now, gonna have another and last marathon of this semester. pr writing and crisis management. then off and here we come the-long-awaited-Puchong Trip!!! woohoo!! cant wait for that day!

finished my crazy marathon last sunday. well at least IMC didnt disappoint me. though i gave up stats. and ms fong was in the venue == when i hand in the paper, she look at me in disbelieve and with her eyes sounds like "what?? so early give up?? dont give up eric"
walao.... i have no choice but to give up it since i need to concentrate on imc and i definitely dont want to fail any of the main paper. 9am paper stats, 9.35 come out. pretty easy actually i think. hmm. after this, gonna resit sorang sorang la... sien zzzzzzzz

on sunday, 21 august 2011, Mic have exam at PA block. 2pm paper. but she can finish at 3.30pm. i was shocked. and was sleeping in library. set my alarm at 4pm. planned to go wash face and meet her at PA block. manatau she 3.30pm called me, i thought it was alarm. was in blur condition for the next 1 hour lol.

then rush go wash face, still with blur face, go out library meet her. then half way met her at behind library. it was baby rain that time. i run out and cover her head. that moment less people walk around library. so i give her instant warm hugs. then just stand there chit chat. i was still, very blur... i was so worried she give up or simply do just to come out early. shocked my ass out of me. then walk towards entrance of library but didn't enter library cause library so many people. so we just sit at the area facing M block and chat there. chat until 5pm.

what do we chat? normal one lo what so couple usually chat... and i confessed to her... how much i love her. how much she meant to me. how much i need her. how important she is to me that i cant afford to lose her. she is part of my life. and i need her badly.

as i spoke those words, i didn't know the tears were formed in my eyes. though i didn't let it to drop, still my voice cracked and my eyes filled with tears. she saw. she knew it. and, its been awhile. like, more than a year i didn't drop a tear for a girl. that means she is darn important to me and i darn love her like there is no tomorrow. perhaps, another kk case?

and slowly, she hold my hand, and put her head to my shoulder... hmm. i just love the feeling. how sweet is that. what else i could ask for.

despite her past, what she was before meeting me, i still choose to love her. i still let myself to get hurt, whether im gonna get hurt or not, its not a matter anymore. i fall for her, and i want her badly. perhaps love is blind? or like i said, "you are not blind. you choose not to see it with your eyes. in fact, you see it with your heart."

double meaning huh? i know right. i felt like at this moment, im the Bella. she is the Edward. or Jacob. i don't know. despite Edward hurt Bella before, she still go back to him knowing how much she suffered after he left him. and, how much Jacob hurt her during the period of time when he transforming into the real wolf, she still forgive him and be with him, until the resurrection of Edward Cullen. i. am. the. girl.

sad but, why i always appear to be the girl one? sigh.

knowing myself gonna fell into the valley, i let myself fall into it. is it because i don't trust her? is it because i got lack security from her? maybe... i just can't accept what she is yet. jealous surrounded me. hmm..

then today, Tuesday, 23 august 2011, morning she come to visit me. cause yesterday she said, she respected the public place, kiss consider as no good. oklo. no choice but to invite her to come my place in the morning. longest kiss? i didn't count the time but i know its darn long.

PROVEN. when i love someone truly, i wouldn't do bad to her. according to the email, i cheat girl. but now? i NEVER think of doing anything above the hugs and kiss level. ok i know its getting pretty obscene here but what im trying to say is. i did not cheat her. NOR i asked her to come my place just to 'eat' her. no i am not. i langsung don't have the intention. i just want to kiss her as much as possible because im crazy over her. and she didn't want to do it in college. i believe that, we are on clean state as couple life. i strongly believe that. and whats not, i didn't think sex is necessary anymore. and i didn't think that kissing 30 minutes is necessary neither. as long i could be with her all the time, hold her hand through the journey, im happy.

and after that, go to library, she go study, i go canteen makan. then back to library study. slept like crap == don't why so damn sleepy and can't stay fresh. damn.

then after she finish her Introduction of Accounting, i go meet her at college hall. walk her to canteen2 before she depart.

after we both home, she suddenly posted this on my wall.

thanks May. i know you use alot of guts to write this. cause i know you are the shy type and thus, i was shocked, surprise, yet im so proud of you. you have made a first step in maintaining this relationship :)

and my quick reply :P

LOL May your heart must be skip few beat when you post this :P
maybe you are right. you really serious with me. you are not play play with me. but, thanks May. i love you.

i still, wondering what your parents think about. i am confident meeting my gf's parents. just like previous experience. i better with elder people. but you just like to admire people with muscular body. 'fei lun hoi thau' and tb. tapi, i felt, no confidence and has nothing special for you to like. nothing for you to admire. confidence level = 0

but when it comes to meeting parents, i have more confident. or shall i say, over confident. sigh. don't know.... don't know...

i miss you baby ...

and.... i got a friend, course mate to be exact, that appear damn innocent and good girl but... she stalk my blog. LOL i was trolled by her because she read my blog and i thought she saw me kissing in library ??? WTH right??? LOL then only she admit she saw my post ==
scare my ass off.

that's all from me today. gonna start study :P

and yea the picture quality sucks i know... but no choice :P

and, i forgot, we are not official couple yet. i know. kiss hugs holding hands but not couple. i know right. but just, we are not couple. i admit, we are not. YET. when is? hahaha. i shall write about it later. real soon :)

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

Examinations Marathon!!

2011-08-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

Had AHMC 4104 PSYCHOLOGY FOR COMMUNICATION today. hopefully can passed. i wrote crapz. serious.

And thus, this should be a short updates due to my marathon. Yes. Exam marathon. damn.

Starting Friday, 19/8 - Sunday 21/8 gonna have 3 days straight exam. hope i didnt die. and also last 2 papers. 25 and 26 august. back to back. TWICE in a week. God have mercy on me please.

Gonna start corporate communication and IMC tomorrow.

Today after exam, went to find May. had lunch with her at canteen 1. the mixed rice there has better service than canteen 2 but they are so calculative that.... want count how many pieces to give me. like, take so long to count. suan.

Then go to library with her to study. On the way there, i dont know how, but somehow, she managed to take off my angry bird == i didnt even realized. then scare my ass off. i thought drop somewhere. then i went back to canteen 1 to look for it back. but stop at DK A cause i gave up. and she kept called me to rush me back to library.

end up it was her that steal it ==

i dont know why, but it happens that, my romance started in library == ok. only SECOND time....

Hi baby, we had our first kiss there. it happened so fast that, i felt the time has frozen. i hold up your chin, and you gave us our first kiss. and, nothing could describe my feeling. it just. wonderful.

Baby, you are beautiful. And i shall tell you everyday. Awaiting tomorrow ;)

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

For Every Ending there is A New Beginning

2011-08-11T01:23:00.000+08:00

yay. finally free from all shits of assignments and thesis. well not really ==
thesis still disturb my mind. seriously, i dont give it a damn after all. not i disrespect its just that i really want to concentrate on my finals please. yes. get out of my life for this 3 weeks. and i have to come back during semester break to do it. sien.

anyway, busy until now only free. well not really free cause i keep procrastinating everything in me. sigh. the old and usual me. its week 14 and i only done chapter 1 of corporate communication. thats my own notes. not even studying. now want study but sleepy. and scared by ginger tan by her creepy photo ==

anyway, many things happen in the past one week. lets conclude it in a shorter version.

last friday, 5 august 2011, i joined the taekwondo gang to donate blood. me, julius, caesar, wan xuan, chew keen, khye siang, and ben ben. thats 450ml X 6 = 2700ml + wan xuan 400ml (cause this is her first time donating) = 3100ml of blood donated to national blood bank!!!! good job tkd gang!!!

waited this day for whole week XD luckily its morning else like last time, friday 4.30pm they close shop jor dont want more donater ==
before i forgot, on the way go meet them at college hall, got a pair of koreans come approach me talked about christinity. zzzzz. regreted greeted them with "anyeong hasheyeo"
made them feel i very friendly and end up i late to meet them. but julius lagi late == 11.30am only we enter college hall instead 11am as we agreed.
the korean pair tells me that, God does not exist as Man. and we do have Women as God. so we must trust that God are both male and female. and she ask me to go re-baptize so that i believe that the existence of God the Mother. or something like that. oh really?

well she has a point. according to bible, which i read, serious.

Genesis 1:26 [Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground".]

meaning, God are not only man. if God is man, He will say "Let ME make man in MY image...."
but God didnt say so right? well they actually have some sense in it. i dont know. im not very good in religion though im christian. sorry yea to strong-christian friends. and the pair said something like, mother give eternal life to all creatures in the world. mother give birth, food, shelter (womb), security, and earliest love. all all kinds of those la.
standing in the middle of sun and talk to me about this one. seriously ==
never mind. cut that out.

i've never been this happy with tkd ppl. real long since ah beh that group. i would say, i do feel happy with them but what i am positive is, the experience and memories i had now with tkd members are easily surpass my first year in TARC tkd. thats why i didnt accompany carmen go donate blood. cause tkd gang more important. why? they give me what i looking for. i feel myself. no need hide ^^

then we took a group photos... hehehehe

LOL happy crazy ppl XD

and another one :P

This one == everyone love it and so do i except only my face blur paling teruk == serious ==
but its ok! credit to Ng Chew Ling as the camera girl!!! hehehe pictures speaks a thousand words.

and this photo.... speechless. why do we look like couple?? OMG ben ben look gorgeous here!!! :D

except Teo Khye Siang at the back act as spoiler ==
LOL i felt sooo guilty to caesar >< sorry bro :) yupe. and i also asked her to come to college hall to take photo with me. who is her?

Michelle Chui!!! :D

well she was a very shy person, to new friends la (aka crazy tkd ppl XD) but can be very friendly also :)
i like her alot. small size, light weight (thats why she cant donate blood), cute, most importantly, what i like about her, her constant smile, and happy-go-lucky characteristics. i dont want wake up in the morning and the first person i saw, face black black to me >< but i feel bad cause she purposely come and take photos with me then go to her class >< didnt even intro her to the rest of the gang >< sorry may >< she shy until take photos also felt uncomfortable :P but i really glad that she came all the way here just to take pictures with me. thanks May :) next, Tan Wan Xuan!!! need more than 1 hour for her blood to fill the 350ml packet @.@ pity her. blood flow very slow.

This called, "Forced Smile"
cause she was soooo panic and scare. first time ma. but she was quite a brave girl as she can lie there let the nurse poke her hand XD supposingly i accompany her one but i kao dim jor and blood also dried jor so need to go out give space to other ppl. luckily i no wait. one hour inside cold place @.@ my blood will freeze :P

then this week, monday - wednesday (8-10 august 2011) i went GK to have dinner with tkd gang again! woohoo :P
monday 8 august 2011, went to library to study. mic accompany me. skipped her class cause she think the class is boring and not important. thanks may :) well i guess library is the place i commonly start a relationship? or a spark? XD
LOL apa ni XD

then night go GK eat. cause everytime eat at tbr eat dou sien jor luu. reached GK, i straight suggest eat pizza XD LOL long time no eat mai go eat lo. no people reject also :)
have fun, and crazy moment again ==

Ini memang case tak ada kerja. ataupun terlalu senang == i already 22 years old but still blend in. means, i love the gang ^^v

then tuesday, 9 august 2011, was rushing thesis, then ben ben posted on my wall if i want go GK eat tong sui with them. i replied, depend i can finish or not lo. then i tell them, 5pm only i go out instead of 4.30pm mentioned by ben ben. reason is i wait mic finish her class first. and since her 6.30pm class canceled jor, no need rush come back college lo. go to grandpa dessert located in plaza prima setapak. normal normal looo..... taken few photos there..

That time i was playing Powerball sponsor by Chew Ling XD
and want to show my "praying" technique when playing the powerball. LOL looks stupid >< from here can see she is, pretty quiet one. though i wish she can blend into the tkd gang. probably she didnt like tkd as much as i do but my little request, blend into my circle of friends. so that i can tag you along to every activities we do. hopefully you didnt mind >< she got a sharp face. and cute voice :) not those lala mui == really cute voice. and she sounded soooo funny when speak in english and cantonese XD which make me fall for her even more :) oh ya!! sorry may for causing you trouble on this date. you can comfortably go home and have dinner and rest yet i tag you along cause you to walk in heavy rain >< although got umbrella but the rain was too heavy >< we all also wet. sien. when i want go out only it rained cats and dogs ==
sorry May :(

fast forward to today, erm... 1.04am thursday 11 august 2011. on 12.54am, while was chatting with her, i told her "sarang hae yo"
well.... i dont know why so fast. i just did not know.

did she actually like me? i do not know. does she mind if i take this relationship to next level? i do not know. what does she thinks about me? especially when she got that email ==
seriously. why people still..... sigh. 2 years. i needa 2 years to regain some of my confidence. yet, it came back to haunt me. that day i found out some girl sent that email to her, i was sad. shame. angry. pissed. emo. mixed feeling. seriously. whey this time? why when we start to be on good terms, and this thing happen. why me?

Ms Tiong says, when you met someone you like, and something bad happen, its a test. whether you hold on to it or not, thats depend on your faithfullness.

well i was having REAL hard time that night. but was okay the day after. thanks May for trusting me. i do not know how much that email affected you. i do not know how you felt when you saw that email at first. it is a prank. hoax. to spoil my name and image. you dont me. you DONT believe it. but, i dont trust myself. whoever that just know me not long, they will definitely affected by the email. just the matter of how much that person is affected. seriously, if it was me whom received this, i also will be doubt. yea it might be hoax but when people do that to you, meaning something is wrong with you.
what else can i explain that that email was because people are not happy with my attitude, therefore spoil my image and reputation so that i will have less or no friends. sigh. why. this. shit. cant. go. away. from. me. forever. F.M.L

i really dont know how she felt about me. i want to know her more. i want to know everything i need to know about her. i dont want just blindly start a relationship without understanding each other. that, will not go far. as my experience. she is a nice and good girl. i may not know her past. i may not be able to accept her past. her history. but like the saying goes, why bother about the past while we are moving forward? why keep looking back while its forward what matter most?

i wish this saying really applicable to me. she is a good girl that i dont wish to lose. i shall treasure her and shower her with my love. and definitely, i dont want to hurt her. cause if she hurt again, God knows what will she do again. she promised me she wont go back to her past, i wish, she really wake up from her past. i can only say, i do like you alot. and i admire you alot. your smile. your laugh. your grin. your voice. your soft hand.

thats all for tonight people. as always, i've been labeled "long gas"
well through blog is where i express all shits of my feeling without filtering. cause facebook sudah kena filtered. kalau blog pun kena filter, i might as well dont write at all.

tomorrow gonna be the last day i enjoy with tkd gang before i really stop going out to concentate on studies. finals. stupid stats. in the middle of 2 killer papers. seriously. kill me ba ==

wish all my friends all the best!!!!

tomorrow sing k session with tkd gang featuring me, julius, caesar, chew ling, ben ben, wan xuan, ai hui, hui xin, and chew keen.

bye for now. gotta get sleep early. tomorrow need wake up early do printing stuff.

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

emotional breakdown. moodless. lifeless. lost direction.

2011-07-30T15:34:00.000+08:00

hmm where should i start. i dont know. or follow ms tiong's advice, i am the manager of ..... of the product .... and i am suppose to draft an advertising plan for 6 months...

sien... its saturday. supposingly got replacement class but i didnt go. reason, yesterday watch kung fu hustle til 3am ++ and had my chips. then class at 9am, 8.30am and 8.50am i can hear its raining heavily. so..... skip looo.... hahahhaha. but today skip tkd class also. lost rm20 income. sigh. nvm la... rest lo. exam coming jor.... only yiruma's song accompany me writing. more feel. hahahaha.....

hmm. too much thing to write. feeling fade away how to write!!! hopefully i can update my blog more frequent provided i have a secured line. free from lightning strike. LOL. where should i start? seriously ....

lets start day from day. hmm,

monday 25 July 2011, dont remember. only know class ended at 12pm and lecturer allowed us to keep our seniors' assignments. first he said borrow until we hand in assignment. then hand in liao he said let us keep. no place to keep wor. like that our assignment mai let people keep next time? suan ler.......... after class at 12pm, follow hazel's dad go eat at wangsa maju then go jusco then go immigration there make her temporary IC. i follow cause want get experience how things is done. sun bian get my passport photos cause i left one nia. in my life is short and got many things to learn. better than someone who always dont want learn just rely on others. when others failed, one shall failed too. after kao tim, we go to Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara for her licence. LOL. i suppose to go back cause very sleepy but it finished quite fast.

After that back college. went to football field for macky wacky by hotel management advanced diploma second year. got smelly tofu there not bad. i bought pearl milk tea and some fried potatoes i think. taste like chips.then go back sleep. at night go play COD. looks like i addicted to it. knife, sniper. lol.

actually i stress also not because of assignments. its because the person behind assignments. there are numerous times i said i am here, and i learn my thing. i can work to my limit but not over limit. and i cant get A though you forced me too. sorry but thats just me. if you unhappy, you can do whatever you want to me. its just, its my privacy here, my blog. i troll anything i want. i dont like keeping the feeling inside me. i'll do when i feel like doing it. its a waste of time when i go for discussion, everyone working on laptop, i have no laptop, seriously i wasting my time there. rather come back face my own computer.

tuesday, 26 July 2011, 12pm psychology class canceled.replaced on friday and i didnt go also. sien with psycho class jor though its coming to the end of semester. after finish blogging gonna go back my mom there. yeah!! finish class at 10am. go da bao, online, eat. COD. forgot what happen next.

wednesday, 27 July 2011. nothing excite me besides tkd. waiting to shout my lungs out. its not i dont care about assignment shits. its, my only days in a week, to release my stress. fully free from all the worries and tension. if i were to forced to bring stress to tkd, im gonna be real pissed. im not gonna sit on front computer assignment all day. it just not my style. i want my tkd life no matter what happen. though im old, but i aint giving it up yet. no im not.
thats why i love spending time with them. wash all the mats, badminton session etc etc. i just found my friends back. not gonna let it go easily. night COD lagi..... right shin swollen because master kick it ==

thursday, 28 July 2011, nothing special besides i went to football field, not for macky wacky anymore cause it ended on tuesday. its DPR2 B5 if i not mistaken, their event. i think most of the groups did fund raising for charity. it could be a record in tarc in one year, so many charity done. LOL this is my happiest day man.... first, enter only get free gift. DARLIE All Shiny White 40g. then get another Wrigley's Extra Mints 20g. then answer simple question and got another 2 DARLIE All Shiny White 40g lol. i so happy dont know why. had ice cream honeydew flavor. then popiah also. then fried chicken. then pearl milt tea peppermint flavor. i just cant stop eating. lol so many....
then go class, advanced diploma in hotel management second year students, that have same lecture as us, sell plush toys. woohoo. i bought angry bird and the pig (its enemy) woo hoo so happy. rm 12.50 gone jor. not to mention the food i bought earlier. memang pokai but i simply love it. guess money really can buy my happiness. it apply to me though.

free gift : DARLIE All Shiny White 40g X 3
Wrigley's Extra Mints 20g

bought : ice cream honeydew flavor (RM4.50)
pearl milk tea peppermint flavor (RM3)
fried chicken (RM6)
Angry Bird (red) + Enemy Pig (RM12.50)
Angry Bird yellow (RM3.50)

then at night wanna go night market. WITHOUT RESEARCH. reached there only realize night market got tutup by DBKL. seriously. dont fool me man. first tbr. now 2am want find mamak is impossible in tbr. then now sri rampai night market. i never been there man. 4 years in tarc never been to sri rampai night market. sien. people there complaint noisy and dirty. seriously. dont bullshit me la. both tbr and night market have been there for years before my arrival. not you complaint this that. stfu la seriously. saja buat muka. guess its election coming so... yea they play some stick or two.

then walk to sri rampai business park makan. round whole round dont know what to eat. then dont know where to eat. finally end up in old town. though i hate it, but i dont care cause damn hungry. met ginger and ooi there. also covey. got to watch malaysia vs singapore. match tied at 1-1 but singapore win through aggregate 6-4. sien.

in the beginning i order plain water 4 glasses. chill la. water only ma. whats your problem. make a fuss. stfu laa.... i eat what i want to eat. im tired of you controlling my food. then you eat as you want. then i order mee siam singapore to eat. quite nice but not enough. then order another curry mee. i was between curry mee or dried hor fun. hazel mentioned curry mee. so do i. just feel like eating something like that. then my gf start to tell me how bad it is for my health. the fat will clot in my blood then this and that will happen. then demonstrate to me if i eat curry mee that has alot of santan in it and drink ice water, what will happen. seriously. my whole wonderful day got ruined by you bitch. stfu. i eat whatever shit i want. i dont mean to downgrade you but women, sometimes you need to know when to shut up and open mouth.

if you dont know how to open mouth might as well shut it up. not that i dont sayang my gf its like... you know what i meant. first, as i am god know whats inside de curry mee. so if you dont know, dont come and tell me how harmful it is when i ordered already. i know you care me but the way you speak like cursing me to death. EAT MORE LA EAT CURRY MEE WITH ICE WATER. FATS OIL ALL CLOT IN YOUR BLOOD. you dont effing eat anything then. everything got oils and fats. just drink water la ban!
seriously, im a person that wont regret over my own decision. if its my own decision, i wont blame anyone nor myself. just bear the consequences. easy. whats the fuss?

sometimes, its not that im a a bf dont care you. but you ruined my days enough. just, grown up seriously. the whole world might disagree that you want to chase your hobby as your career, which is art and craft. seriously, i dont see that as a problem. as a human being, chasing you own life, own interest, i dont see it as a problem. people sure will said why i supprted my gf to give up or withdraw at this moment, after getting good grades in diploma in Pr, and now in advanced PR, second year. another semester will successfully graduate with flying colors. yes. if you decided to quit now, the whole world may hate you or said you stupid but i WILL NOT. to me, whats the point living in one's shadow? just because your friend study PR and you dont know what to study, parents pressure, you choose PR. something you dislike. and you fake your voice during presentation. seriously. you want to live in that shadow forever?

the reason i withdraw from my old course is, i know where i want to be. and i DONT WANT TO REGRET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. you are living in shadow do you know that? when you enter working environment, you will be extremely stress with your life. and may cause your marriage, with whoever it is. this is because of your choice. still, i will support your decision of going for art and craft. DESPITE the world against your decision. DESPITE i do not appreciate art. i still support your decision solely because i believe in chasing one's dream is the goal of life.

whats the point you live for others? whats the point you live but had your goal disallowed? whats the point you live but couldn't reach your goal?

i can only tell you, the reason i supported you not for fun or childish. i just believe in achieving one's goal and, its better to change now than regret for the rest of your life. whats the point living then?
its better to waste 4 years of your life then your WHOLE LIFE. if only you get it. i guess you have no guts to achieve your own goal. never mind. you just want to live other people's life. never mind. really. the reason i withdraw 4 years ago, same. its ok to waste your 6 months life then all your life. and, not that i did not earn anything at all. i do learn something. screw my life.

almost forgot, we walked all the way back to tbr from sri rampai.

friday, 29 July 2011. yesterday night already said want go out dating today. and you wear econnect shirt. woke up late. rushing. is that my problem? you said want go out . then never said want go where. you come to me and ask same shit question for whole year. my answer: my house. i know i acted quite badly. and i dont know why i act like that. guess i seriously pissed. waited you for 40 minutes and you tell me i can go back my mom's place if i want. i can join badminton session if i want. wtf. seriously. i hate this attitude from the beginning. you want go where, just say it. i go where also can but your problem? no money. then its not my problem. or maybe it is my problem for being poor. im sorry then. you can choose someone else richer. you have been living in poor with me. im sorry. go and find someone richer now. i had no money. and you went all the way back hostel to change. and tell me you dont know where to go. fine la. my house then. i just go sleep. dont fan me.

sien. why you always like that one.thats the problem with you. grown up for heaven fcuking sake!! dont tell me how much responsibilities you bear for your family etc etc. its all bullshit if you cant even decide simple thing. you want i go out with you, you say where to go. no money? sleep at home. at least i help you save money. you might be crying that i treated you like this. im sorry. but i had no choice. i may choose to go wangsa walk cause my tkd kaki were there. but you probably wont be happy and walk away like you always do. i said go wangsa walk, you said why go there. then you decide la. dont be a bitch can or not. you think this is hk drama meh.

then go sleep. wake up, straight bising mau makan. seriously. dont disturb my sleep. and, dont be like a bitchy princess order food to arrive at your mouth once you wake up. go change and go out eat la. sigh. dont know why recently you become like this. and you said its me. i know i got my fault. and im not gonna said anything anymore. cause i had done talking.

saturday, 30 July 2011, i skipped replacement class. skipped lunch. breakfast. tkd class. im heading to the end of my blog. its time to pack and go back my mom there. i screw up my assignments. i screw up my life. i screw up my relationship.

i love you baby. no lie. day by day. despite all the flaws, i still love you. because you are my baby. my dear. my love. one and only.

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

X-MEN : FIRST CLASS

2011-06-14T23:31:00.001+08:00

i watched this. just because of assignment. else i wont step my foot in it. but it was ok after all. my favorite quote is:

Erik Lehnsherr : Hi I'm Erik Lehnsherr
Charles Xavier : I'm Xavier
Wolverine : Go fuck yourself.

actually one of the main reason that made me decide to watch this movie is the quote. it happened so fast. just 2 seconds like that but its the only thing that make the whole cinema burst in laughters XD

but seriously la.... the movie, despite its great, it is filled with sooo much of media effects. now who the hell told you Prof X aka Charles Xavier disable from waist down????

well before watching X-Men First Class i bet many people dont know unless those that did research on him. for the whole movie, he was alright and walk like normal human until 10 minutes from the end of the movie, he got shot by deflected bullet and out of whole body it hit his spine and causing him disable from waist forever.

the argument that i would like to bring up here is, it looks fake to me. seriously. suddenly he got hit by deflected bullet at his spine and there he goes it become the reason why he was in wheel chair for other x men series. didnt this sounds like so conspiracy?
we tend to believe whatever shown by the media. how are we gonna be creative and think outside the box? when are we gonna stop being manipulate by the media?

no doubt as a PR student, media plays an essential roles in our world. and it has powerful effects to everyone. but this is just sooooo no right. this is equivalent to the report by NASA that Neil Armstrong are the first person to set foot on moon and he is the first in human civilization to be there. but question is, who say it? and how many people are against the fact?

its all the news given my NASA solely. no others party. no other people. and during that age, technologies has its limit. or the US government hide the more advanced technologies to form a lie in us. why? because simply they are USA. until today, some people are still doubt if Neil Armstrong really did landed on moon, the question only he will know, and of course, NASA.

on the contradiction to these days, any news released will be much debated and researched before it actually been accepted into the community. i guess, not much people are in the same channel as i do. and i believe, undoubtedly, will be affected and believe what the media try to portray of something. and we, are lack of initiative and curiosity to find the truth.

but today, the question whether he did landed on moon is no longer important as anyone could have been to moon with money. even Chine have been there. ooppps. Malaysian been there too :)

there shall be no need for more arguing. see for yourself. and start reading instead if relying on online media. yes, online media is convenient and fast. and it has give us impact from its existence and for the years to come. but for once, we need to stop rely on it to learn the truth.

ahahahahaha thats all for my conspiracy theories. now for the most important part :P

McD Coca Cola Can!!!

i finally collected all of them direct and indirectly :P

here are them!!!

CHARCOAL

PURPLE

PINK

BLUE

LIME

GREEN

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

DOOMS DAY

2011-05-21T01:09:00.000+08:00

yea its 21 may 2011 some party claimed that dooms day happen way earlier than december 21 2012

but this post is aint about dooms day though i wish it to happen and there is no point for me to do research about it. it just happen it cross my mind at the time i wanna write the title.

anyway, i should be doing my assignments, or i should be sleeping, to be precise. cause tomorrow gonna have 2 demo. morning one 11am at stadium titiwangsa but have to be there at 9am.
another one at stadium badminton cheras by 4pm needa reach there.

but just now had the wonderful nap so now still not sleepy yet but i still gonna sleep soon. further more, i dont want to be late or lose concentration.

anyhow, i screwed my life. advanced pr writing. 2 assignments due date next week. it might be easy and difficult at the same time. since tomorrow gonna be busy day, sunday training day, i guess i'll just do it after the training. try come back asap to tbr and stop lacking. this semester really freak me out. 10 assignments at least and all darn difficult to do.

luckily. next semester only 2 core subjects and one thesis. but still, i wish i'll survive this semester. 2 subjects already got group. another 3 subjects to go. sigh.... dont understand the assignments at all. just hope, my brain can understanding the teaching in lectures. and hopefully, my mind can become 'advanced' too else i wont get much marks from my assignments and finals.

anyway, collecting mcd coca cola glass. already got 4 glass jor

here is the full collection photo

and this is the first one ive got : charcoal

second one : purple (sorry for the sudden LARGE resolution. randomly select from google == )

third one : blue

the fourth one, the one i got today : pink (i know, i hate this color, but whats the point i call this 'collection' if i dont collect all?)

of course above photos is not mine. randomly choose from google. anyway, after ive collected all, 2 weeks later, will post it all here. ORIGINAL DE :p

ok, really need to go sleep now. though not sleeping but still need to rest. start packing soon. cant write more liao.... i only know, i felt shit about my assignments. thesis. sigh.....

signing off

~ Light Up The Darkness ~

hah! i remember what to write jor!!!

2011-04-08T03:37:00.000+08:00

alright. now i remember what to write. this is the 'forgotten' topic that i mentioned in my previous blog. in the end, i forgotten the topic but i was actually with me all the time. in fact, just beside me. without further ado, let us begin.

Remember April Fool's Day? well i would dare to say, 98% of us would says its a prank day where we can fool our friends or family or people we know around us, without worrying they will get upset cause its fool day!
most likely, another normal prank day like halloween etc etc.

here is the true fact about april fool's day.

http://irwan007.wordpress.com/2007/04/01/april-fool-rai-kejatuhan-islam/

i know you lazy to read it. conclusion i shall write. well i am interested in this story cause, i was included in that 98% people that did not know the true behind 'april fool's day' . it happens i bought a Mastika magazine. a malay magazine that published since 70 years ago without failed. to the malay community, this name is not strange to them. i used to buy this magazine every months last time when i was still small. then stop for long time. then i just buy it occasionally just for the sake of reading as i love reading especially i did not have anything to do now. just like now. no intern no exam no nothing. back to topic.

back in the age, i mean long way back in the 8th century AD. the date, April 1st is when something terrible happened to Islam. accordingly to the link above, and also according to Mastika, this date is where the time observed the fall of Islam in Granada, Spain attacked by the Christians. well, during this time, the Christians, or the Jews i suppose, are highly dangerous and violent. they wanted to vanish all the Islam people from the earth at one shot. they did all they could, include all the killing and cruelty. until one day they came across this place call Granada in Spain, the last state that contained Islam people that still alive. the Islam people stay indoor and avoid going out so that they wont get kill. what there Jews did is they lie to them by saying there is a big ship coming over to fetch them, save them. so these Islam people came out and proceed to the harbor.

next, the Jews burn down all the houses, as well the ship. the Muslim can do nothing but to see everything down by the fire. and in the end, everyone got killed by the Jews regardless man, women, child, young, old. this is how the Muslim vanished from Spain. so april 1st is know for the success of the Jews vanished the Muslim. here i would like to acknowledge that i am not sure whether it is the Jews who did so. i mean, the story is proven. it just that, in the blog and magazine, they call them 'orang kristian' so i suppose its the Jews.

and so, 1st April 1847 is the day the killing spree happen in granada Spain done by the Jews. it is suppose to be the day where muslim mourn about. but seems like the westerns culture has been in our blood until we forgot such cruel incident that happened. however, according to wikipedia, 1st April is a day to prank people. meaning, the westerners didnt change the fact. it just happen to be coincidence on the same day. although april's fool can date back to the year 1392, i do not know if the westerners has anything to do with the 'coincidence'

anyway, since you guys are now aware of this, besides fooling people on this date, remember the truth fact behind the date. if you have any muslim friends that enjoy april day, advice them. and tell them the truth. they deserve to know the fact. in no time, when the malaysia gov realized this, they will, again, yes again, HARAMkan this april fool day for muslim, just like what they did for Valentine's Day. it just matter of time before they haram everything. hahaha.

talk about valentine's day, i got something to share with lucky readers of my blog. i knew this long time ago, when i was still in form 4, during one of my history class. this story told by my favorite tutor, K.Siiva and i remember this today, and forever. here is the fact:

"Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed. "

Quoted from http://www.pictureframes.co.uk/pages/saint_valentine.htm

meaning, someone good, by the name Saint Valentine, a priest in Rome, despite disallowed to aid marriages, he secretly help a couple. end up, the Rome found out and order him to be kill by the stated method above. so this date, 14 February should be the day we, the whole world, mourn about this great passionate priest. but how the heck we are celebrating it? BIG LOLZZZZZZ

well, young generation, wait! this valentine's day has been celebrate loooong time ago before even Y2K. here is another clearer fact about valentino :

"Alongside a woodcut portrait of him, text states that Valentinus was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius the Goth [Claudius II]. Since he was caught marrying Christian couples and aiding any Christians who were being persecuted under Emperor Claudius in Rome [when helping them was considered a crime], Valentinus was arrested and imprisoned. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner -- until Valentinus made a strategic error: he tried to convert the Emperor -- whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that didn't do it, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate [circa 269]. "

fully quote from http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159

haha an online christian web :P

well i guess its clearly stated the reason here. and i hope, you people can at least pay some respect to this great man. a man who died for truth. for peace. for family. for love. i did not haram you guys from celebrating it. but, since you know the truth, what you gonna do? tak percaya, boleh pergi google :)

anyway, since the day i knew this fact, yea when i was 16 years old, i didnt really celebrate valentine's day. or i should say, i didnt had gf during valentine's day XD

well actually got la but just that, i 'had' to celebrate cause my ex, or current gf wanted it to be special. i guess if she knows the fact, she still want it to be special. well if i was single, i definitely wont celebrate it. NOT BECAUSE I WAS SINGLE! because i know the fact. if i got gf, i would tell her about the fact. and.... hopefully she can understand me. further more, during this day, everything double the price for couple. why spent more?? LOLZ

signing off.....

~Light Up The Darkness~

Mysterious symbols unveiled

2011-04-08T02:10:00.000+08:00

as the title suggest, the mysterious symbols that you guys can see in my previous post, its actually from CELCOM NETWORK named KOLONY. lame. and had no idea why they used such thing to scare people. they might wanted to create curiosity but i guess they failed cause people are afraid of it. or at least, i meant, not interested and think its silly. the biohazard symbols has 3 circles while the kolony has 5 circles is because of its so-called 'infection' , Ding, Fren, Bomm, Kom, Koinz

i do not know and not interested of what it is and for further information, the deal is only launch friday 8 April 2011 so what i've got here is pretty limited. it has a tagline which is “Get Ready For A New Social Media Outbreak”

well that's all for today i guess. suppose there is another main point but seems like.... i forgotten hahaha.

anyway, i bought 2 books today from popular which is quite costly. first one, "WHY DO KAMIKAZE PILOTS WEAR HELMETS?"
by andrew thompson - rm64.90

second book, Beyond Twilight - Manueka Dunn-Mascetti (RM9.90 promotion NP - RM 15.90)

i have no idea how come i bought second book. i was holding it all the way and i thought my dear bought a book also end up..... i mistaken it was her book . in the end she didnt buy any books and was very upset. i felt so guilty and sorry for her as it was her money also cause i didnt bring enough money as i didnt expect to to be in book store anyway. hmm. gonna pay her back soon. sorry dear ><

~Light Up The Darkness~

The End of The Day Part 2

2011-04-06T01:36:00.000+08:00

yes. the second reason im writing this is because, for the past 2 weeks or so..... this symbols have been creating curiousity among people in kuala lumpur. i saw it lots of time in newspaper. and outside pavilion. but didnt bother. if it involved media, i guess its something that approved by government. i HOPE. haha. hope its not the alien invasion thingy. if it is, i would be more than happy. run back to my mom's house. spend the last few moment with my family, and call my dear and tell her " I LOVE YOU FOREVER"

i didn't lie. if its really happen, when i said "I LOVE YOU FOREVER" i really meant it cause the next second i would vanish from the earth. so i kept my promise of living her FOREVER. cause after death, it is when our life journey begin. all our works, acts, will be judge. either good , or , bad...

back to the topic, this is the symbol

compared to this

different is the first one got 5 outer circle while the biohazard symbol only 3 outer circle.

this is not a joke. i got few feed from other famous blogger.

it is around us...

i dont know whether this is photoshopped cause this is looks crazier than seeing a 'batman' logo on the sky.

the one i saw in pavi

and this is the one commonly sighted in the star

is this some kinda secret organization wanna do something? like.... the NEST team in transformer 2... MEN IN BLACK organizations...

i were told that something "BIG" gonna happen on 6th April 2011. its alreayd way passed 12am so it is 6th april now. lets wait and see what will happen. remember to buy newspaper as its the only media we have and can trust in :)

signing off....

~Light Up The Darkness~

The End of The Day

2011-04-06T01:12:00.001+08:00

im writing this because, the title above. exactly. got 2 reasons. first of first.

exam. damn stats man. i got whole month to study yet i take it for granted. sigh... wasted.... end up realizing i cant study all and the more i study the more i will forget. so gave up whole chapter 7 Probability Distribution. it happens to be.. lots of marks burned. 25marks AT LEAST. which lead to my 2nd thing i regretted in my life. for sure. as far as i concern.
i've disappointed my parents, intern company (former), lecturer (Ms Fong), friends, and my lover.

it looks like i ruined my own resit. damn it. but already passed. rough calculation, lose 55marks. equally, wait for another resit. sigh... its pain in the arse to talk about it. i knew i hit my limit way far. that is why i decided not to push myself further cause it'll just cause more destruction. i shall not study last minute again. hypothesis testing got 2 questions, 20marks. i did only one. sien. i probably can do the other one but time is just not enough. last time exam, i need another extra 1 hour to complete the paper. of course im not give such time that is why i failed. this time i need another 30 minutes to finish the paper and again, of course i was not granted that. hopefully if i can pass, i can burn the notes away. if i didnt, i wish i can do better next time. sigh....

SECOND REASON

no. not japan nuclear problem. i know i have been following that nuclear news closely lately. i mean not as close as you would thought but 'close' in my own term. this is because i knew chernobyl disaster happened on 26 April 1986. click on this link if you want to read about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chernobyl_disaster

nah i know wikipedia sucks but you dont need extreme precise web talk about this. wikipedia is sufficient for you to understand how worse it can be. how hard things be. and how difficult to live, 10 - 20 years later. due to radiation. 1986. 25 years later and the place is still unoccupied. this disaster, perhaps, touch my heart. the condition in the area is.. worse than the situation you could imagined or watched in "I AM LEGEND" cause.... lifeless. really no life. all you see there, is all faded colors of life. there is NO DUST. NO INSECTS. NO BACTERIA. just pure radiation. some experts says the place accessible only 50 years later. but the facts shows maybe another 100-300 years. some say 500 years. well i wish that not gonna happen to japan because chernobyl, back then, has not much safety measurements like what japan has today. and impressingly, japan always increase their safety of the nuclear plants from time to time. meaning once they got new technologies to cover the nuclear plants, they will use it. not like Malaysia. wait 10 years only do. scare this scare that.

the photos taken in Chernobyl is.... a pain for the eyes to see. and worse, its so lifeless that not even insects can stay there. perhaps, the only place on earth without COCKROACHES.
whats even worse is, the paint there, wall, floor, furnitures, electrical equipments and all the other daily household.... all left to.... fade... i cant explain here. no choice but to attached few photos here. a picture spoke thousand words.

nothing left. worse than haunted city or dead city.

no life at all. not even planktons could survive the disaster. the amount of radioactive is... way too much for a single cell to live. whats left is only those green plants, very rare, and limited species, that NOT survived the blast, but have been mutated. of course, plants cant become zombies. dont get addicted to PLANT vs ZOMBIES pls ==

this is what i meant by 'left to fade' not even dust
could you imagine what was this place before the disaster?

this fun fair was suppose to open to public few days after the incident. if not mistaken, 1st may. but looks like, unfortunately, no one ever had the chance to ride it.

leaves couldn't survive. these tree are already considered dead as the skins are all affected by radioactive. no longer can be use. no longer functioning.
the wall? its not dust. just faded...

haunted? i don't think so. its more like... left behind... abandoned... just by seeing it, thousands of history struck my mind. what had happened on this date.

the wiring...

last but not least, the reactor that explode due to some failure during testing i think. i don't wanna read that Wikipedia page anymore cause every time i read it, i felt terrible sad. lost. emo. the damaged is too much to imagine of.

hopefully you guys get a CLEAR picture of what im trying to explain here. YES. this is the result of explosion of nuclear plants. malaysia gov, you are considering to have one of these in malaysia? use your brain. such countries are not as lucky as us. we have solar energy. hydro energy etc etc. they have NOTHING we had. nuclear power is their last resort. they had no choice. malaysia gov, why you so stubborn and put our lives in danger?

can't you just be grateful and happy with what we have? malaysia don't need such thing to generate power. nor we running out of power supply. whats more? right after japan nuclear disaster, malaysia stand up and says want to have nuclear plant. kau bodoh ke otak dah hilang?
depan mata kau ada contoh bencana berlaku. kau lagi mau terjun ke dalam lembah maut?? BODOH BETUL . KAU INGAT KAU BANGGA DENGAN KUASA NUKLEAR. KAU FIKIR LAGI.

anyway, we should be grateful as well cause japan has a new and latest method to cover the plants in case it explode. and thanks to their commitment and intelligence, we are save from photos above, for now at least. if they did not cover the plants with concrete and coem out with other solution to cold down the plants, i think, the date for above photos, should be 2011.

back in 1986, they had not much today's technologies and knowledges yet. plus, there aren't any BIG disaster before chernobyl. but after chernobyl disaster, others countries, not only japan, are aware of the destruction power. therefore, come up with high safety precaution. kudos to japanese.

we shouldn't forget the fact that, the ukraine people just left the town like that. not doing anything to save the radiation from spreading like wind. first, they had nothing to cover the plants. its like, open air. second, there is nothing they can do. oppose to today, japan nuclear plants are in the middle of sea, so the damaged is still... acceptable although in few months time, radiation definitely will reach further than japan. and they use tons tons tons tons of seawater to cold down the rode. else if its melt down, radiation will be release and travel with winds.

before i sign off, here are few photos showing WHAT IS THE AFFECT OF RADIOACTIVE TO HUMAN!

some happen few months later. some, 10 YEARS OR 20 YEARS LATER.

some that exposed to radiation too much or direct contact, they died instantly or few hours later. i guess if you studied chemistry before, you will know.

first, exposed yourself to radiation may cause thyroid cancer, skin cancer etc. if this happen to children, their future..... are....

TO ANIMALS

HUMAN

~Light Up The Darkness~

12.40am 4 April 2011

2011-04-04T00:50:00.000+08:00

time is running out. yet cant stop myself from writing blog after seeing one of the blogger was so semangat write blog. hmm. back to tbr. 12.40am. meaning i got exactly 24 hours to study 4 more chapters. and... i cant understand shit about standard deviation. out of so many topics, it must be this one. im sure i skipped the lecture for this one cause my notes empty and so clean. hmm. sien..... emo time....

suddenly felt my life is so empty when listening to yiruma - looking back.
does this song means i am looking back to my past? that is why i cant go forward and felt my life is empty? as far as i concern, my past, i guess is just different from now. only i can see the difference. only i know the difference. because it was me that live in this life.

or the "looking back" means something else? look back to your past to see your mistakes. and learn from it. in order for you to proceed and gain success in life.

well its all nonsense now because it is COMMON SENSE. duuh.. come on dude. we always heard this phrase everywhere we go. a common advice from our friends or someone from our surrounding. but how many of us really take the words into account? how many of us really do it?

you name it. i really want to write. but... got annoyed by some guy opposite my room keep coughing since 2 weeks ago?? im not sure. hope he get well soon cause its really annoying especially at night. im sorry but i am mean. ok. its time to go. else. sigh. i memang no mood study. what to do. damn hot. but still have to shoo my ass to notes. good luck to me and everyone that gonna sit for their exams or resit. all the best guys.

signing off. hopefully tomorrow i wont stay online all the time cause tomorrow ius last day preparation before exam cause my paper was on tuesday morning 9am paper. i really dont wish to fail again. love you God.

~Light Up The Darkness~

a new environment gonna starts soon

2011-03-31T11:16:00.000+08:00

after seeing one of my friend whom i followed closely on his blog, i realize i should update more frequent although its just a shit i will write. hahaha LOLZ

well gonna start study for resit stats == i shall not see stats anymore. not the same paper. now see the notes also boring jor. same thing ==

found out cant study at tbr. weather too hot and got computer lagi cannot study. dont know at mom there can study or not. but dont care. take the risk. bow just woke up by sook yee ==

now gonna da bao and eat. then off to my mom house. yeah

siapakah ibu kamu

2011-03-28T01:45:00.002+08:00

Seumur hidup, aku tak pernah cakap "Saya rindu ibu" atau ayat-ayat yang sewaktu dengannya jadi dia mungkin ingat aku ni jenis anak yang tak suka tunjukkan perasaan.

Mungkin bagi orang dewasa, aku budak yang macam tu. Jarang bercakap dan jarang tunjuk emosi. Membesar dengan senyap dan hidup dengan biasa-biasa je. Biasanya aku pendam je perasaan aku. Selalu tunjuk muka tak peduli, berdiri satu sudut dan pandang sekeliling.

Adakalanya ibu menangis bila tengok drama sedih. Masa tu aku akan gelakkan dia. Ibu cuma mengeluh je bila aku buat camtu. "Budak ni..." Orang kata, "Anak lelaki memang tak rapat dengan mak."

Seingat aku, aku memang jarang berada kat sisi ibu. Aku jarang berborak dengan dia atau dengar masalah dia. Malah aku buat endah tak endah je bila dia beritahu aku dia tak berapa sihat.

Bila dia beritahu keadaannya mungkin akan bertambah buruk.

Pada tahun tu, ibu menderita kerana penyakit kanser. Aku berada di dalam darjah 5, sekolah rendah. Aku tak tahu apa itu kanser.

Aku melawat dia sekali je kat hospital - hari sebelum pembedahan dia. Dia duduk kat katil - buat pertama kali, aku nampak keadaan ibu begitu lemah dan sakit. Bila dia pusing, dia nampak aku. Dengan cepat aku lari pada dia dan peluk dia kuat-kuat.

Sepanjang masa tu, aku tak tahu betapa menderitanya ibu dan aku tak tahu betapa dia menangis kerana aku. Kerana anak yang dingin dan tak sensitif macam aku ni.

Lepas beberapa bulan bertarung dengan penyakitnya, ibu memenangi perlawanan itu. Ibu pulang ke rumah. Pulang pada aku.

Ramai orang kata, anak adalah seperti anak burung. Bila sayap mereka sudah cukup kuat, mereka akan terbang meninggalkan rumah.

Dulu aku benci bila ibu tanya tentang keadaan aku sebab aku rasa aku dah cukup besar untuk jaga diri sendiri. Aku tak perlu dengar lagi nasihat dan pendapat dia. Aku selalu bergaduh dengan dia, menyebabkan ibu selalu bersedih sebab aku rasa pandangan ibu tu salah. Aku rasa ibu sangat ketinggalan zaman. Masa tu aku rasa aku dah cukup matang.

Beberapa tahun lepas, aku tinggalkan rumah, tinggalkan ibu. Aku cuba berdikari, mulakan hidup baru.

Setiap malam lepas balik kerja, bila aku balik ke bilik sewa aku, aku rasa kosong dan sunyi. Takde orang nak sambut aku. Seorang diri aku masak, makan, menulis dan adakalanya bercakap dengan diri sendiri.

Aku selalu ingat masa aku duduk dengan keluarga dulu. Setiap hari lepas sekolah, makanan dah tersedia kat ruang makan. Ibu pasti menanti aku di pintu. Bila aku kejar deadline untuk komik, aku akan lari pulang ke rumah dari perpustakaan dengan manuskrip kat tangan. Dengan penuh semangat aku tanya ibu, "Cuba teka berapa muka surat saya siapkan hari ni?" Ibu adalah sumber motivasi aku. Aku nak dia bangga dengan aku, jadi aku sentiasa berusaha untuk menjadi lebih baik.

Pada malam musim sejuk, bla suhu menjadi semakin dingin, ibu akan sediakan selimut dan tilam tebal untuk aku. Lepas aku tinggalkan rumah, setiap kali aku sakit, aku mesti teringat ibu. Sebab setiap kali aku sakit masa aku kecik dulu, ibu pasti berada kat sisi aku. Hilang rasa bimbang aku bila nampak dia.

Aku sentiasa ingat zaman kecil aku. Ibu bagaikan payung yang besar. Dia akan lindungi aku dari hujan panas. Setiap kali aku buat masalah, aku akan sorok di belakang ibu. Aku akan tarik bajunya dan dia akan selesaikan masalah tu untuk aku. Bila aku dewasa, setiap kali aku berdepan dengan masalah, aku masih terus memikirkan dia. Dalam hati, aku akan bertanya, "Ibu, apa patut aku buat?" "Ibu, tolong saya!"

Tapi hal ni takde orang yang tahu kecuali aku.

Banyak kali aku nak telefon dia tapi aku beritahu diri sendiri, tabahlah!

Sejak kecik lagi, aku jenis yang tak mudah menangis. Aku tak nak orang tau kesedihan dan kepedihan yang aku rasa. Walaupun aku rindu seseorang... orang yang aku sayang... aku pendam perasaan aku termasuk rasa kasih aku pada ibu.. Sebab tu ramai orang anggap aku anak yang dingin dan tak sensitif.

Ibu, sebenarnya saya silap.

Saya sangka dengan berpura-pura tak peduli dan dengan memendam emosi yang saya rasakan, saya dapat sorokkan kelemahan dan menjadi lebih kuat.

Ibu, saya sebenarnya tak kuat langsung.

Tak siapa tahu bila aku tengok cerita sedih kat TV, aku sorok dalam bilik air dan menangis lepas tu. Tak siapa tahu berhari-hari aku meratapi kematian burung, anak anjing dan anak kucing yang pernah aku bela.

Tak siapa tahu pada malam aku tinggalkan rumah, aku menangis dalam tren. Bila aku ingat je pada ibu, air mata aku mengalir tanpa dapat ditahan. Aku menangis sebab aku akan tinggalkan ibu, dan bila tren tu bawa aku semakin jauh darinya. Aku menangis bersungai-sungai. Aku tak sanggup bayangkan kesunyian yang ibu rasa sepanjang 7 tahun aku tinggalkan rumah. Aku tak sanggup bayangkan wajah sedih ibu sebab aku tahu, air mata aku akan mengalir lagi.

Jadi pada hari aku bertolak, aku tak benarkan dia hantar aku ke stesen.

Ibu, walaupun saya seorang lelaki, saya juga sebenarnya seorang yang sensitif dan penuh emosi. Maaf sebab saya tak pernah tunjukkan pada ibu.

Ibu kawan baik aku, Z, meninggal dunia dua tahun lepas.

Di majlis pengebumian tu, aku tak dapat menahan diri dari menangis. Aku nampak Z asyik pandang langit supaya air mata yang bergenang di kelopak matanya takkan mengalir. Dari belakang dia nampak tabah tapi sebenarnya dia paksa diri untuk jadi kuat. Di bawah langit musim sejuk yang cerah tu, dia nampak keseorangan.

Lagi seorang kawan baik aku, H pun kehilangan ibunya tak lama dulu. Ibunya ceria dan ramah tinggalkan kami begitu saja. Begitu tiba-tiba. Tanpa amaran, tanpa sebarang tanda. Buat kami rasa sedih dan menyesal.

Ketika itulah aku sedar, kami membesar dengan begitu cepat. Seseorang pernah kata, bila kita dewasa, ketika itulah ramai orang akan tinggalkan kita. Jadi di akhirnya, kita semua akan keseorangan. Sama seperti keadaan kita masa lahir dulu.

Hidup kita berpusing macam roda - kita terpaksa lepaskan banyak benda. Tidak semua benda dapat kita bawa sekali semasa roda berpusing laju. Mungkin apa yang boleh kita pegang hanyalah masa sekarang. Saat ini.

Sekurang-kurangnya pada detik ini, kita rasa gembira. Sekurang-kurangnya pada detik ini, kita dapat mengecapi kebahagiaan.

Kita mesti cukup berani untuk mencintai dan dicintai. Jadi kita takkan hidup dalam penyesalan.

Ibu, akhirnya saya faham maksud "kuat" yang sebenar. Erti kekuatan ialah memiliki keberanian untuk menunjukkan perasaan kita yang sebenar. Erti kekuatan ialah memiliki kebolehan untuk menyayangi orang yang kita sayangi.

Ibu, ibu adalah yang paling kuat. Demi membesarkan saya, ibu sanggup berkorban apa saja.

Demi saya, ibu tanggung sejuta kerisauan.

Kasih ibu, sampai bila-bila pun saya dapat rasa. Dari kecil hinggalah kini.

Ibu, saya akan menjadi seorang yang kuat dan berani. Dan kini saya akan luahkan apa yang terpendam dalam hati saya selama ini.

"Ibu, saya rindu ibu."
"Ibu, saya sayang ibu."
"Ibu, ibu adalah insan yang paling saya kasihi dalam dunia ini."

half a year gone without updates

2011-03-16T22:55:00.002+08:00

yeah again im talking about my blog. LOLZ

ok. before i start writing anything, wanna emphasize on something with is my nightmare of internship. i had this internship with Street Directory (M) Sdn Bhd.
unfortunately, not to talk bad anyone, im just not suitable to work there. they need marketing intern. while im fully pr. not to say im choosy or what but they cant provide me sufficient pr for my studies and, internship report. well they asked me to relate theoretical framework into our weekly report and final report. but i just cant cause it does not reflect pr at all and if i were to do so, thats lying which against my principle. to cut a long story short, i terminated the internship there and here i am filling my life with something. well, i had no life since first day with the company. 8-9pm only finish work. no life at all man. what we did or what happened during my one month stint there, i rather forget about it though it had deep scar in my mind.

many people convince me not to terminate cause if i do, i gotta repeat. some people think repeat the same internship next year, bla bla bla. to clear the confusion here,PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND I HOPE NO MORE CONFUSION AFTER THIS EXPLANATION cause im tired of explaining same shit over and over again.

ok, i terminated internship, i STILL can proceed to SECOND YEAR with everyone else. but next year feb-april, i gotta repeat 2 subjects, integrated marketing communication and Interpersonal and Professional Communication. this 2 subjects carried 8 credit hour, which equivalent to INDUSTRIAL ATTACHMENT (internship la) 8 credit hour. meaning, you people punya internship value 8 credit hour!! so i need to repeat that 2 subject to replace the 8 credit hours from my internship. why REPEAT? cause now in college is week5, i cant enter college continue study.and also, since i terminated means, i FAILED this full-coursework-subject. therefore, REPEAT lo.

also, repeating means, i cant fly to liverpool with the rest of you guys. WHY?
usually april examination, result release in may right? but this 2 subjects result will release in september. meaning, 2012 february i take this 2 subjects, september 2012 only got result. by the year 2012 june, you all fly to liverpool jor. september 2012, my result release, but you all come back malaysia jor. so i have to wait 2013 de batch to fly to liverpool. i fully conscious about the consequences and i bear all the responsibility of repeating without influence of any party.

i know, after you guys fly to liverpool , im all alone here wait one year to fly. sien. but, be adventurous. if i were still in that company, i will not have my life back. working from 9.30am-9.30pm. sometimes 8pm. earliest 7pm. only after i make a fuss about it, we can leave at 6.30pm. as far as i concern, only twice we go back at 6.30pm. i know, interns are cheap labor. fully utilize them. chinese say " sai chun hui"

i know all these. seriously, if this is event or pr company, i dont mind being overuse but.... asking us to do something not about pr is just bullshit to me. i mean, i want pr, you give me pr, i give you what you want. enough with the internship thingy. i hope i clear all your confusion now. sorry for writing so long cause i hope in this few paragraph, sufficient to answer you 5W1H LOLZ too much pr jor :P

anyway, 8 months with my baby jor. love her more each day. still i owe her valentine celebration cause both having internship so quite busy. well its ok gotta replace asap. in a meanwhile, i gotta comtinue what i want to do. manga!!! LOLZ. signing off man. peace.

~Light Up The Darkness~

again again again and again

2010-09-29T01:39:00.003+08:00

since the day he left me, i knew today would be the day that i need to face it alone. all alone. their really really unacceptable faces really makes me dont belongs to anywhere and i dont feel comfortable to attend the classes anymore. i really hate them. why got such people in my life that so fug up that i need to deal with. so shitty.

i hate to see them. very hate to see them. if not because event i wouldnt even talk to them. now i felt that, people from other classes are more friendly and better and friendlier. easier to get along. so many discrimination and stereotype. i very sien with this life. really sien.

last time i told myself, no matter what i do or how i failed, i would just get a degree at least. juse because follow friends i went to advanced for no reason. and found out that i really cant cope with it. i dont know, really lost, and no hope. i do not know how long can i survive in this cruel game. i dont know if i can make it this sem. even if i did, how about next sem and the sem after? i didnt have the courage to hold on anymore. all supports, from the beginning, is just empty shells. did i rely too much on others? or i need to stand on my own feets. one conclusion is, no one worth my trust anymore.
even the closest person with me at the moment, didnt seems to read my mind. or she just ignore it since nothing she can do to fix it. well i really her to comfort me at this time. but she know nothing about this.

im really sick and tired of this game. perhaps, i should have gone to kampar for a degree. wouldnt be so much trouble like this hopefully. i rather go there all alone, than facing all this bullshtis. and the effing faces that really difficult to swallow.

i cant take it anymore. in one second i think of just give up. wait for the next batch and continue there. i just no longer has the strength to hold on. i feel so tired. restless. suffering torturing. whose not??
but the problem is, im not happy. at all. going to classes everyday has just become another daymares to me. i really hate to see them as they brought great disgust to my life.but i end up realize, since its my problem, even i wait another 2 or 3 years, it's still would be the same. wont change much. that is why for the next second, i decided to stay on. but how long? will not be long. trust me. 1st OCT, result come out. lets see how i failed my first sem.

perhaps, im just not that person that can further my studies. i hardly survived diploma. dont even mention advanced.

now i understood how those people could survive. they have networks. they have companion. stay together during hard time, which form happiness. me? im just plain lone. my slackness had cause me who am i today. i just hope, i can fill up the withdrawal form and just leave. no one gonna give a shit about me either. so why cares...

the last thing my mom told me when i told her i'll failed few subjects in my finals, she told me "study hard la"

thats all she said to me. a simple yet easiest instruction to understand. but it just me, that i cant live up to that expectation. perhaps dying is one of the choice that comes intop my mind. how was it feel when i just cli,b over the balcony and slip down from 21st floor. it would feel great. the second before i die, i would had over come my fear of height. shout out loud my last scream. and rest in peace. recently many people died. so no one cares if there is another people that died. especially when it was me the not-so-important-people.

im really tired and sick of these people. i had had enough. now i truly believe, im just not that person that suitable and got what it takes to study advance. thats all. im a fai chai.

5 months without news

2010-09-16T17:44:00.001+08:00

yes 5 months without news. im talking about my blog. LOL

keep delay this blog until i forgot most of the important things. only thing i remember? is useless one. sien haih

ok. lets talk about studies. hate to talk about it but yea have to...
gonna start second sem of first year advanced soon. very soon. rm2310, new sem fees. so expensive, i know. thats what everyone talking about it. bo bian, PR advanced was the only course in TARC that well recognize by government, as well other universities. perhaps overseas as well. not pretty sure but thats what i heard la... i thought i cant survive first sem. and i did it, though i died at finals. yea no doubt, CRM, org comm, events mgmt, killed me with a single blow. i think im gonna failed org comm. sorry janice. i know the little paragraph i wrote in the answer sheet wont help but, at least i want you to know ITS ME. sorry to disappoint you but.... i dont know. maybe its the psychology effects. last paper, made me even no heart to pour and vomit all out on the paper. i dont know why i just cant... im sorry dear janice.

back to this issue in my brain. RM2310. its not i cant afford to study. its not i cant make up the assignments and finals. its not the time. its the worthiness. i dont have the mindset to lead in the future, at work. i dont have the mindset to be leader, boss, manager, etc. YET. its been since i was small, i hate the piling up unnecessary responsibility. worried for other people. need to close shits of others. sien. with great powers comes great responsibilities. or perhaps like what my dad always did to me, stay out of trouble, meaning, dont be leader. just follow and do your best.

but what my dad did, he follow his boss, did the best for his job, and nowm today, whenever he goes, even the boss respect him and needed him badly to operate the factory. not me, not yet, im not yet up to that level definitely. but of course, i enjoy being envy and needed by others. its the sense of belonging. so i believe im normal to have this mindset cause its part or maslow's pyramid.

so, what happen was, sicne im not gonna work that high level, why the crap i wasting so much money on something simple? i just want a simple life right? i just want a normal job right? i dont mind working under people for the rest of my life. cause i still lost, and always lost in my life. no direction at all. no motivation. slack all the time. i screw my whole first sem seriously. besides event, i seriously screw up my life there. look at assignments. the lowest in whole class. i shall withdraw. what kept me here? i saw there are people who got even lower marks than i do yet they enjoy and surviving in the course. i told myself, why i cant? therefore i stayed. but i finally realize why would they enjoy in the course. because of FRIENDSHIP. that is what hold them strong on the course despite all the barriers and hurricanes. me? its my problem, finally.

no matter where i goes, still, i would have this problem. same shit problem. network. relationship. that is why wherever i go, still got people dislike me though i did nothing that offend them.
just because that fugging email. why they all so fugging childish. infected by that freaking prank. well, never mind. she did a great job in the email therefore some credit shall goes to her. it did have long, really long term effect on me. just what she planned.

if i just wanted a simple life and job, why am i wasting my parents' money to study this advanced? i believe this advanced would give me brighter future. but, you wont spend rm50 to buy body shower right. you need to bath, but rm50 is perhaps too much. rm20 would be fine.
you got the idea?

if that is the case, why am i wasting money on this course? while what i want is actually the most moderate? i bet even i withdraw, besides her, no others would actually felt my disappearance. perhaps, for the future, wherever i go, still there are people dislike me. so my decision, new sem, just shut up and stop helping people. tired and sick of helping yet not appreciated, but been thought that i would harm them. fug my life. fug everything up. i even slack to find my own future. own work. own experience. own money. fug my life!!!!!

i have no future. no money no nothing. just fug up. pure spoiled brat. fug up! total screwed.
if i want the simplest life for myself, why am i... spending so much.. on my educations now. just get my arse on local degree would do. if i had the efforts, like my sister, local degree from UTAR, working in MICROSOFT SINGAPORE. far far from a good son. fug my life.

thats all i wanna say. my life? fug up. screw up. i hungry. off to pokemon.

i love you carmen jang 2.30am 22 SEPT 2010.

Right Here Waiting For You

2010-04-28T16:10:00.001+08:00

Again... I wait you alone here. All by myself. I cant get to you. And I dont know how I can get to you. So my only choice was wait. No matter how long or how far, I wont let it be my excuse. If you cant get to me, i'll get to you instead. Nothing shall stop me from seeing you. Because I love you so much, i'll travel to a place i've never been jus to see u for a moment. Because you worth it. There is no need for me to vow I love you. Cos everything I do, I do it for you. Because I love you. I'm here, alone, waiting for your come back.

From the bottom of my heart with love.

L.O.V.E. I.S. B.L.I.N.D.

2010-04-16T18:14:00.002+08:00

What is the meaning of love is blind?

- it means when you knew you going to lose it, but you still put yourself into it,
- you still commit fully into it
- you still sacrifice without thinking

= that means you're blind.

When every signal shows you the warning, you still head into it, = you're blind.

When you know something is not going to happen, but you still work it out, = you're blind.

When you know you're such a failure at it, but yet you put so much efforts to fix it, = you're blind.

Tell me, im a plain idiot.

Tell me, this is unboundable love.

When i know its going to end, why i still wants to start it?

When i know nothing can stop it from happen, why i still trying?

When everything seems to going backward, why am i the onle one pushing forward?

Yes, once again, im standing at the edge of cliff.
No one pulled me from the edge.
No one save me from the height.
No one, gonna help me.

Im there all alone from the beginning. Or i just hope too much?

Im selfish, or im foolish.

If you leave me at night, i'll wake up alone
dont tell me that i will make it on my own.

If you leave me tonight, this heart of stone will sing til it die
if you leave me tonight

From the beginning, you wont understand my pain. You wont.

Im sorry that i didnt understand you.
Im sorry that i make it difficult for you.
Im sorry that i couldnt be perfect for you.

AND

Im sorry that i love you

it come and go, like it always been

2010-04-12T16:29:00.002+08:00

me, in my so called office in WMAC. a total fcuked up company that gonna close any second. with the matter of the politics involved in the management, and the small soldiers who faught like cow yet didnt get paid. thats bullshit. a company with a phone line, but couldnt make a call out, cause didnt pay telephone bill. whats next? cut off water? electricity? another sore shit. is that gonna happen, then only this whole shit gonna dissolve? and to what extent i have to bear all the consequences?
mind you i did not know a shit til i reach here. yet, shit is all over my body. when i was down, where were you. arent you concern about me? when i need you most, where were you?
i hope, one day i just woke up, and God will tell me

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. THAT IS WHY IM TAKING YOU WITH ME

when all hopes gone. you came into my life and restore it. when im at the edge of cliff, you pull me back fron the raging waves. when im near the fire, you set it off to save me, and i realize that you gave me warmth.

well that was what i thought at first. it turns out, no one restore my hope. i just happen to fall asleep. you did not pull me from cliff. you just pass by by the road side and laugh at me saying IDIOT ASS. and you are the one who kick me from the back, thanks. you set off the fire, but you didnt give me warmth. it was daylight and you scolded me said i shouldnt open fire as it contribute to global warming.

in the end, it just me who thinks too much. thinking that i would have another chance. but its all just a dream. i woke up. and i walk all the way to the cliff, again. but this time, another you appear. you did pull me away from the cliff, but... you didnt stop me from commit suicide with another approached. i rather die without you. but you werent belongs to me from the beginning. im just not good enough

the end of my world again...

2010-03-16T01:33:00.004+08:00

it has been really long time since i last write blog. well, graduated successfully but not greatly. didnt even achieve 3.0 GCPA. disappointed. from 2.99 drop to 2.91. haih... ruined my diploma. swear gonna work hard in advance. this is not the reason i write blog. what else move me to write blog besides love? im bored of it now. so do my fellow bloggers.

WHAT IS LOVE?

YOU'RE LIKE THE NORTH POLE OF A MAGNET BAR, AND HE IS ALSO LIKE A NORTH POLE OF A MAGNET BAR

THERE IS NO WAY FOR BOTH OF YOU TO BE CLOSE TOGETHER.

THERE'S A FORCE THAT'LL ALWAYS PUSH YOU BOTH APART. THIS FORCE IS CALLED THE OBSTACLE, LIKE INTEREST DIFFERENCES, COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS, AND ETC.

HOWEVER, IF YOU PUT A METAL BAR IN BETWEEN, BOTH YOUR MAGNETS WILL STICK TO IT

AND, YOU'LL BE CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.

THE METAL BAR DISSOLVES THE FORCE THAT PUSHES BOTH OF YOU AWAY.

THAT METAL BAR IS WHAT WE CALLED...

L.O.V.E.

REMEMBER : To be happy, either you change the world, or you change your thinking. To be realistic, you have to change your thinking to be happy.

BUT, ME, I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD FOR YOU

this happen to me again. when all hopes seems to lost, you gave me new hope. i felt like im awake from long sleep. the sleeps where dreams wont come true. but you made that dream come true. we didnt knew each other longer. and yet we manage to pull us together. from the beginning, i already expect all these to happen. and im ready to face all these obstacles.
when i found you, i knew i found the right person for myself. but i didnt know that im not the right person for you. when things seems goes well and smooth for me, it did not happen the same to you. when all my hopes and prayers i gave to you, you took it away in the speed of lighting. although all the reasons you gave me is the same as my past, but i'll never treat you the same as the past. you are my brand new world. you shed lights in my darkness. you gave new hopes for my long lost world. and you made me sweet dream when im having worst nightmare.

you are the first person that made me trustworthy again. you are the one that made me feel worthiness. the time may have been short but its more than enough. although we may look each other from far, but i felt instant happiness in myself. although i can only stare at you for a seconds, but it already make my heart gloom. each day my feeling grow deeper for you. and only when i realize i fall too much to you, things were too late to turn bad.

i couldnt live my life the way i did before. i no longer felt the same. the trauma hunt me back. despite all my efforts, now go down the drain just of my mistakes. when can i get rid of my mistakes. when can i be better for you. when, only when, the metal bar we called love, can dissolves the obstacles between us.

i work so hard to develop my feelings to you. i miss you the moment we hang up. and i think of you everynight before i sleep. and i waking up every morning by saying "good morning dear *kiss you on the lips* "

again, you are the one and first who i shed my tears for in this whole brand new world. when all seems to begin, its only the starting of the ending. i wish, a single SORRY and TAKE CARE, will ever cure the wound in my heart. you cure my old wound, and create a new one. i never regret being with you. even though i didnt manage to hold you. and i never blame you for whatever that happened between us. why am i still so dull that i couldnt find the metal bar to place it between us. or it never exist as whwat people always talk about it.

the only thing i regret for ever, is i didnt take the chance to hold your hand for the first and last time last sunday, 14 march 2010. even just less than a second. it would be sweet enough for me. i wish, i can be there to comfort you when you are down and sad. i wish, i would be the one you see the moment you open your eyes eevry morning. i wish, i would hug you to sleep every night. perhaps, all this is again, a dream. all this while ive been in another fantasy dream. please God, please wake me up. please give me the strength to wake up from this fantasy world. i didnt wake up at all. it just happen to me that i woke up in another nightmares.

only God knows how much i love you. only God knows how much you meant to me. and only God knows how i dont meant to hurt you. im sorry i made you feel pressured. im sorry that i disappointed you. im sorry that we didnt understand each other. im sorry that i act this way that you think i did not understands you. im sorry, for being in such way that it makes you think i pressure you. im sorry. but i knew its too late. i just cant accept things gonna end when it just seems to be beginning. i still dont believe what happened. never would i accept it.

im lost, again. im fall, again. and i lose the person i love most, again. all this while im doing were wrong. mistakes. unforgiveable. every single of your words tears my heart apart. i couldnt imagine those words came out from your mouth. i couldnt believe that you think that way. i couldnt believe i failed you, again.

its been awhile

2010-01-03T21:26:00.005+08:00

its been a while since i got this feeling (i got a feeling - bep). and i dont know when it will end. somehow, i figure it out the beginning. he suddenly turn away from me. away away away. far far away. i wasn't confident i would be able to keep up with him or not. or even i can have a plce in his heart or not. it seems like, im gone. no, HE gone. but its a good thing. i cant always rely on him. i've got to live on my own. someday later. perhaps now its the right time. he no longer avaiable for me. no longer care me. i have to live on my own. i couldnt thank him more than this. he had no doubt, help me when im up or down. im am a product of him. without him, i would be worse. officially send my thankfulness to him here. although im sure he wont be reading this, cause he dont like to read.

if you ever ask me, who is the first and only guy that made you shed your tears for him, he will be my only answer. because of him i am who am i today. without him, im just a pile of junk. piece of shit. i couldnt elaborate more what he had help me, yet he is so humble. i couldnt further explain what he had done to me. there are... too much to count from... and i couldnt remember too. i just can say that he is very helpful all these years. and the reason my tears shed for. i really.... speechless. no one ever in my life had hurt me this much, as a guy i mean. and yet he did. now everything seems over for me. no more him. no more his voice in my mind and his laugh, jokes, and nonsense... no more. all gone.

well, outta mood to write. i really miss him badly. hope he success in life and get what he want. thanks for all the guidance throughout my diploma. im gonna live my own these coming days, months, and years. i will try not to rely you anymore. cause if i do, i will hurt badly, silently, no one know.

Christmas eve family dinner

2010-01-02T19:41:00.001+08:00

Its been a long time. Long long time since i last saw such phenomenan. One of my favourite which i would go far for it. Skipping class for this dinner is nothing. Well i was always looking forward for such gathering. Nothing but peace and worrylessness in every single spoon fed into mouth. Unspeakable happiness. Perhaps thats what they said Jesus is with us. To me, He is eating with us. And he brought peace and happiness to us all, on this meaningful day. Rarely do we have such outing but definitely it was a memorable and unforgetable one for everyone. Merry christmas and happy new year everyone. God live with us and he bring us peace and happiness.

dont ask what i can do for you. ask what you want actually

2009-11-20T16:33:00.003+08:00

you know who im addressing this to. i knew you want it and asking for it. so now you got it. less do i need to say. there is no need for words now. this blog has it all and what is in my mind and what i want to say. im enough. ENOUGH. tired and sick of all this bullshits. fcuk off from my life. fcuk off.

why i said so? hugging other guy, in the mind thinking other guy. should i label you as playgirl? or just a piece of society shits? what you want. DONT TOUCH ME. you gave me enough shits so now get the hell outta my mind. when i just wanted to let you go, you pull me back. but its all confusing. sleeping together but denied we are couple. bullshits that is what i call it. so dont fcuking mess with me. i got more important things to deal with.

people who are uneducated, means stupid. idiot and have no meaning in life. confucius said, man need education, brahmin said only education can change your level in the society. dont believe me please and other people. but do believe in history because we came from there. and we will end there if we didnt believe in facts, history, lesson. why do ancient civilization extinct, its because they refuse to educate themselves. in other words, they destroy their own generation.

only educated people know what is their need. what is their goal in life. and what they have to do. for those dont want educate themselve, your life is nothing but a plain shits. you are just pushing yourself to dead. you know no limit and you are so damn childish.

you are childish. but i dont care. when you in the situation, you must live in that situation... what would your mom think and feel if she knew what you doing right now. bring guys go back room? play game all night? never concentrate in studies? ladies and gentlemen out there. please help me describe a person who didnt concern about its own studies, waste money studying and other thing. live a meaningless life, and CARE NOTHING ABOUT ITS OWN FINAL EXAM. please answer. thanks

you knew it gonna hurt people but you still do it. learn from your mistake. he told you if you do it he gonna left you. yet you do it. this is call dont appreciate people. and stupid enough to purposely spoil it. its all your own decision that cause this to happened. you knew it yet you still do it. people, tell me what is this. when you know the road gonna lead you to death, but you still want to go for it. suicide???

im enough. just get out from my life. i cant accept someone who cant think for itself. although i do have lil feeling, but its fading away. dont blame me. its you that make it fade away by time. look upon yourself.

light up the darkness.

Emo yet meaningful day

2009-09-29T02:29:00.001+08:00

I was waken up by my sai sAi lap from several calls she made me. Today i broke de first plate in my career. It also broke my clean record. Which also broke my future in this long term career. Eventually, de day has come where i shall fall. As i stood there staring de broken plate, my heart goes broken too. Frustrated by my mistakes n overhaul by my past, who am i today? Y i cant get rid of de past?

Today, both of my frens came into my barrack. Thats wat i call my battle field. Both of them used to be my closest frens back then. But de moment they step into de shop, i become so numb. Feelingless. Neither i shall neo wat reaction i should giv. Its like de flashback of history back then. I should be happy as its like a reunion some sorta thing. But i aint feel so.
Eventually i found out I've been superior. I lost my own identity n i lost my self esteem de moment my base been intruded. I lost my very own battle without even walk a step further. I used to tell my frens not to giv up without a good fight. But today i brought lost to my army. I've lost de battle without even sending any soldier for it. Do i been overhaul by my past? Or it jus de hatred deep inside my heart that unforgiven? I really dono. Felt such a loser. Frustrated by myself.

TarCians, rmb today because today is de day v die in battlefield

2009-09-16T13:38:00.001+08:00

Took this moment before last battle in second year second sem. MNG

Moment before final paper MNG

2009-09-16T13:32:00.001+08:00

Took this in library... Too boring... Study too much. Brain cant enter information liao. Hope later can answer question >.<

H1N1 in TARC

2009-08-01T02:00:00.002+08:00

It’s a total crap H1N1 in TARC. and everyone hope college to be close for a week at least due to moutain of mid term, assignments and presentation (not to mention 8am class, if late 15minutes no attendance will be taken, you know who am i talking about dude).
Everyone wants the college to be close due to H1N1 but anyone wants to be the victim of this vaccine-less disease??

NO.

So, stop dreaming and dont screw up your days in college life. However, from what i observe, there are disease which more contagious and harmful to us. This can be spread easily by airborn.

Bronchitis... fungus. Both diseases happened to my classmate which cost them dearly. One just entered hospital this afternoon.

What is H1N1? Both Bronchitis and fungus can be spread easily. If you think only H1N1 is contagious, think again. Still going for crowded place like pikom pc fair? Tarcians rushing to visit it or work for it. Think about it. You are just putting yourself into dead zone, perhaps.

H1N1 had the widest coverage in the nation. That doesnt mean other disease is less contagious or will not spread. Nor shall YOU take less safety precaution to your own health. Malaysians, kl especially, had so far not yet been infected seriously with H1N1.
While rural area already hit by this H1N1. Come to think about it. Thousands of people in a 10feet square land? Yet no one infected? Please. This is not left4dead or resident evil. We are HOPING the outcome of 28days/weeks later to happen to us where human nation had been push to the edge of extinction.

YOU waiting some kind of LEGEND like WILL SMITH to stand up front line to survive our human nation? Go watch I AM LEGEND 2007 movie then.
Last but not least, kl people especially, see fashion as their part of life. Perhaps, most important element in their life. They rather get infected and sleep whole month in hospital then wear masks. It looks weird and noob with the masks isn't?
Haha... good comment. Weather you want to take care you health or you find your life meaningless and want to create some ENTERTAINMENT outta your boredom of life, its all in your hand brothers and sisters.

If you think your handsome and pretty face (or cutie innocent look) will secure you from being infected, congratulation for being nominated as WORST CREATURE ON EARTH.

You can spend rm4.50 on a plate of nasi lemak at Steven corner. Or rm5 for 3hours cc at MU GOLD TBR. Or rm109 for a formal wear (for guys) from padini. And studying in TARC the most AFFORDABLE (not to mention CHEAP to jaga mr tan's face), yet can’t afford to buy a masks cost rm1????

What happened to us? What happened to the nation? Just because H1N1 get most coverage in the country, is that mean guys can screw the girls' hole without HELMET on?? And spread another disease that has NO vaccine since its appearance in the eye of the world in the eyar 1981?? Acquired immune deficiency syndrome.

People are like that. Rather choose to become a zombie than give up their good looking appearance. God has tried to help. But we refuse to believe in Him and think he does not exist. People, the difference between us and animals is that we have INTELLIGENT that determine our future, behaviour, attitude, black and white, good or bad, up or down.

Why we use it at a wrong place? What we have done? Look what we have done? People are dying and killing out there. You hear children crying. Trees being chop down innocently. Has our INTELLIGENT brought us to where we are today? Or this is what God asked Mr Einstein to teach us? Or actually our ATTITUDE brings us to what we are today.

If God had a chance to say to us, He may say this
"I gave you the Earth and you gave me shits. I'm so sick of this and enough seeing you mutha fcka wasting your INTELLIGENCE. Go fcuk yourself"

The next day you wake up, the only thing you see is the land is flat. Sun covered by dust. Sky no longer blue but reddish as blood filled the air. Plants died. Its not home alone. It’s the day God show us His MAJESTY

the reason i write this not to gain anything from you. but lets think of this. do we really want that to happen and cry regretful after that?
if we can prevent it from happening, why we rather asking for it?

Its different. So different.

2009-07-02T09:15:00.001+08:00

Its so different. De one that i neo n de one that appear. All seems to be totally different. Y? I hardly kept my confidence. But this is wat i get? I neo one need to be protected. This is y i'm here. But i nvr expect this to happen. One had changed. Changed into some1 i really afraid. Very scare of. As if totally both different person. I'm very scare to lose one. I even scare de one become two. I very scare. Wat should i do? I don wan listen anything. I request nth than one. Only one. Not de two that i saw, that i afraid of. I still love one. But can i face two? I dono. I afraid to face two. It jus too scary. I felt that two is a person i've met last year that i so afraid of. Now again it appear in front. Y? I really love one. Pls, God. Giv me number one. I'm jus an ordinary guy who seek love from someone. I neo. I neo that one hardly trust guy due to past relations. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for wat they've done to me. Treat u right is wat i'll try my best. No promise i will make cos i don wan to break de promise n lose ur trust. Because that is de most important thing in relations. But pls, don put me as de same as other, or one past. I hate to be label de same as one past because i am who i am. I hope. Jus hope. U r de one i neo. I love one. ONE.

love assignent missing you duty LOST

2009-07-01T23:58:00.004+08:00

girls. never start a relationship if you dont trust a guy. dont start a relationship if you dont think the guy dont suit. dont ever think to start a relationship if you think be friend if better

because if you think girls are the only one that will hurt from a relationship you are wrong. if you think girls are the only creature that will drop tears for their loves one you are so wrong. if you think breaking a relationship is nothing to a guy then you are most wrong.

dont just because we are guys, girls will do whatever you want and never think of our feeling. we have mother, father, sisters and brothers. but why you treat us like we are some kind of feelingless human? did we owe you? i'm sorry for those guys that play and cheated their girlfriends. i'm sorry for girls that cheated by their boyfriend. i'm would like to apologies for what your former boyfriend had done to you.
but please dont put their blame on me. please dont put me the same as them.
but i didnt blame you for what had happened. because i knew that its hardly to trust guy again after your past relationship. i do believe in this world there is no such stupid person that will trust their new partner after cheated and hurt a lot by their past, except me. i dont care how hurt i was last time yet i till put my trust in you. because i really love you. thats it. no question.

but today is the day i gonna lost you, like FOREVER. i had heard enough. i had hurt enough. i had enough tears. i'm enough. i'm so tired of all this. i miss my family.... i dont know why when i'm happy, never thionk of them. only when i sad and down, i will think of them at first place. pai ga zai?

enough is enough. thanks for all the time and love you gave me. our time is short, but its gave me lots of memories. i dont know why you had such impact in my life. i dont know why i had so much feeling to you.

how long would i wait? i do not know. i wasn't a patient person. and i know i will NEVER suitable so i choose to give up now. as i wont be able to give you any happiness. sorry. kind of boring. my life is just come and go. just like a hotel. boring. tired. i really tired. perhaps i should take a rest.

i'm a playboy that dont know how to take care myself from being hurt. i'm a playboy that always drop tears for loved one. and i'm a playboy that being tried.

Puppy love? True love? Wat is love?

2009-06-30T17:37:00.001+08:00

Finally i drop my first tear for u in my lecture. I couldn't wait anymore to write this. Because i don wan de feeling jus fade away. Today, as days before, i couldn't stand losing u. Its only one day. But it seems to be long, very long since i last heard u said u love me. I'm jus an ordinary guy who need someone to love me for who i am. I jus wan to be loved. Do i really finis? Is this de end?

earth hour

2009-04-07T05:11:00.005+08:00

Life is a test and the world is a place of trial... The most precious thing in life is not what you can't have and what you have lost,,but lie in the happiness that you have now...

this phrase. i dont even realized it until one day i come to my own blog and view some of the comments. and, it just another simple yet meaningful phrase from a close friend of mine. i wish, just hoping, one day i will be able to speak those words myself. when? when is the day that i will come to it? long journey. long long journey. but some day i shall come to it.

on one night, when i was indirectly listening to this song, i fall asleep. and dream of you. perhaps you are another friend of mine that geeking for japanese stuff like its anime, and its culture as well. otaku japanese. haha. i dont know. in the dream, i am who i am. the character in the act was just like me. the real me. and so do the other actors around you. all represent you and your lifestyle that regard to japan style. every single of them... what i can say. the moment i meet you, you was in someone's arms. and it was warm arm that gave you sense of security and protection from no where. perhaps, he gave you what you need, and what you want. and you seems to be happy in his arm. i saw you. i saw you. but again, as the reality, i am no one to you. i shall say, i just another odinary guy that equally some rock on your pathway. i wish, hope that one day you will come to me and tell me that you dont mind that all. that will be the best and only answer i wanted to hear. the last thing i ever wanted to hear, its ok.

what can i say? what can i do? what shall i do? what will i do? how will i do that? yea she gave me the feeling of happiness. but such happiness can be found on anyone. even friends. what makes you different from others was, the special feeling taht you gave me. with her, i might seek others that can give me the same happiness feeling. but you, no one should be able to give me the same feel like you did. although, i may just another prince toad watching you from the riverside, seeing you happily ever after with your prince charming in his castle. i cant even take care of myself. how can i be able to take care you? i cant even have my own dream. how am i going to stay with you to achieve your dream? i cant even stand on my own legs. how im gonna be there for you when you need me?

being with her is just simple. which i will enjoy til the last day. but, meaningless is what i will found out. with you, every moment is magical. fantasy comes to life. dreams come true. even though there are many obstacles in our path, how much i wish you will be there with me to walk the path, and i shall give you my life to protect it. the love that contained you and me. the love that brought us together. the love that bind our heart from two different universe. i love you just the way you are. i am trying hard to understand this simple yet meaningful phrase. because this is the only phrase that describe you. if i cant hold on to this words, i shall not even have your eyes. not to mention your boundless love. its 5am in the morning since i started to write this. yea im sleepy and hope to drop my head on my pillow. but i know if i didnt write this now, the next morning i woke up, things will not be the same. i may even forget what happened now. i do understand that we have to apppreciate thing in front our eyes. and not complaining things that had passed or things that we cant get. hope you can understand it.

i not good with words. but only to say that i love you. yes temptation is there. in fact, alot. but nothing shall compare to you. sometimes, i just hope that, things will be simple as that is what i am. but it will never happened cause this world is complicated. wasai.... ok. its time to go class. see ya there...

Day After Day
leave
yeah, finally i realize that i am nothing without you
i was so wrong, forgive me

ah ah ah ah~

[verse 1; gd + top]
my broken heart like a wave
my shaken heart like a wind

my heart vanished like smoke
it can't be removed like a tattoo
i sigh deeply as if a ground is going to cave in
only dusts are piled up in my mind
(say goodbye)

[gd rap]
yeah, i thought i wouldn't be able to live even one day without you
but somehow i managed to live on (longer) than i thought
you don't answer anything as i cry out "i miss you"
i hope for a vain expectation but now it's useless

[top rap]
what is it about that person next to you, did he make you cry?
dear can you even see me, did you forget completely?
i am worried, i feel anxiety because i can't get close nor try to talk to you
i spend long nights by myself, erasing my thoughts a thousand times

[chorus]
don't look back and leave
don't find me again and live (on)
because i have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories
i can bear it in some way
i can stand in some way
you should be happy if you are like this
i become dull day by day (eh eh eh eh)

oh girl i cry, cry
you're my all, say goodbye...

[verse 2; sr + ds]
if we pass by each other on the street
[ Big Bang Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
act like you didn't see me and go the way you were walking to
if you keep thinking about our past memories
i might go look for you secretly

[gd] always be happy with him, (so) i won't ever get a different mind
even smallest regret won't be left out ever
please live well as if i should feel jealous

[top] you should always be like that bright sky, like that white cloud
yes, you should always smile like that as if nothing happened

[chorus]
don't look back and leave
don't find me again and live (on)
because i have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories
i can bear it in some way
i can stand in some way
you should be happy if you are like this
i become dull day by day (eh eh eh eh)

[bridge; ds + sr]
i hope your heart fees relieved
please forget about me and live (on)
those tears will dry completely
as time passes by

[yb] it would've hurt less if we didn't meet at all (mm)
hope you will bury our promise of being together forever baby
i pray for you

[chorus]
don't look back and leave
don't find me again and live (on)
because i have no regrets from loving you, take only the good memories
i can bear it in some way
i can stand in some way
you should be happy if you are like this
i become dull day by day (eh eh eh eh)

oh girl i cry, cry
you're my all, say goodbye, bye
oh my love don't lie, lie
you're my heart, say goodbye

first time experience this

2009-03-18T04:52:00.002+08:00

well. 20 years. first time experienced this. damn tension about something that i shouldn't. why can't i just be a normal student? and do my responsibility as a student and a son? why must i meet with all this obstacle? i just another odinary person like many do. but why?

why must me? is it the meaning that is it the time i start to grow up? i don't know.
until very now i still can't accept the truth. the fact actually. i wish i could but i was to afraid to accept. yet i rather enjoying my fantasy life. why can't i just become an ordinary person?

i knew that when it comes, just face it. eric leong. its time for you to grow up. but why i find it hard to cope with? rubbish. this is all shits.
sick of this. i... do not know waht should i do next.

i fall for you the moment i saw you. i wish i didn't but eventually i did. having your number is because i just want to tell you how beautiful you are. even though you may not even care about it. even though you don't even bother to reply me. but i know the chance is there for me. and i can't just see it fly away again. and all i did is just to tell you that you are beautiful. i don't mind losing you as a friend as i do so because thi is what i feel about you. although we just another hi bye friend.

yet there is many temptation. when you fall for me, i still not assure of it because its all the rumor and stories that had playing around from the first day i know you. therefore i know its not true. i keep asking myself a very basic question. yet i can't answer to myself a satisfied answer.

today, finally i got the answer. thank to a friend of mine. i finally find this answer out of myself. i'm just an ordinary person. that is why i can't figure out the answer at first. idiotic of me. i with i could live my life as simple as i wanted to. but i knew i can't. please.

the answer is, do not leave the one that you love for the one that you like because the one that you like will leave you for the one that they love. simple yet complicated. not confusing after all huh. don't be greedy because one have to be appreciate what one have. otherwise, one will lose both and have nothing in return. this is what life is. i know it but i don't get it. what on earth is this. rubbish one will say but this is my life.

haih... but luckily i found my answer eventually. i may not know if we are better as friend or lover, but maybe i still too young for this. i definitely wanted us to be more than friend as my feeling towards you is growing as time pass by.

tonight will be the night that i will fall for you. over again don't make me cahnge my mind. i won't live to see another day, i swear its true. because a girl like you is impossible to find. your're imposible to find.

you are a part of a guy as many people will see. i afraid of you the first glance at you. but fall for you the next time our eyes meet. there is more than meets the eyes. you are a good girl. good student definitely. good daughter. and no doubt a good lover. i do not know why you had such past. although i really mad with him but angry you i shall not because love is blind. but i do believe it is a hard one and you gone through many difficult time to stand on your own. i can't believe you he treat you like rubbish. no doubt you are more careful and have doubt in believing guy. hopefully i can proof to you and one day you will realize that i am different from who he is. i am myself. i am who i am.

all i can say is i'm gonna treat you right because i really love you. i can't promise you anything because i don't want to break that promise and cause you to lose your trust on me. you are a really good girl. appreciate you i must. protecting you i shall. love you i will. time will proof everything as i do believe. i do not know how long i can wait as i am impatient people. but you definitely some one that worth my heart to fall to. apologies from me if i did or said anything wrong to you. i use my time to understanding you more and more. i try to control myself from going crazy over you. but one thing i can't control is i falling deeper for you. i love you.

again you guys left me...

2008-12-10T01:37:00.000+08:00

again.. you left me... 26th November 2008, you left me
just a day after i brought back those group of white mice. i thought for sake of fun and wanna help them... but you left me. haih. melanie. i really miss you. and i will be. forget you not i will. remembering you i will. appreciating you forever i will.

regret i will for treating not good at you. and as time passed by, hung hung, qq, fen fen, all of you left me one by one. even my most beloved QQ. i sorry dear. hurt you not i will any longer.

not i left no one but briskie with me. sometime get fed up with him. du lan only know how to eat. rush to eat like hell. my fault cause always starve you. sorry... you are my only hope. although all my hamster, syrian type hamster (i forgotten her name, damn long never write blog) lost twice. i bought new one thought will replace her but both lost.

thats it. what is gone is gone. dead and gone. life has to go on. no turning back. loking back just to learn our mistake. not to look back forever. life is hard. who don't know. thanks God for giving me the feel of the real world. perhaps i not ready to face it. but its good that face it this early. if not will be too late to apologies. haha. rubbish.

following is one of my favourite phrase throughout this few weeks. don't know what does it has to do with me but i just love it.

ladies and gentlemen, enjoy it.

Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet

Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes

what is going on now?

2008-11-22T15:55:00.000+08:00

did i di wrong? why people just can't accept me. my attitude. i just being myself. wrong? my friendster, blog, non of you all come here. do you have to hate me this much. when you need my help, seek me you did. when doesn't need one, just ignore as if i wasn't exist. even though when need my help, if i can't help, outta my limit, you hate me. this is frineds. friends. thanks a lot DPR1 january 2008 intake. i learn a lot from you. your faces when talking to me. i believe if i stop doing what i shouldn't, you won't even turn your face to me anymore.

they scold me disallowing what i am doing. but i keep on doing it because of you. because i love you. but this is wht i gt. thanks a lot. i learn it. those who can't help you, ignore them. if they can help, its call friends. perhaps i shoule disappear from you. everyone happy. no more this freak guy with you. anoying you.

getting less of you. getting hate from you. i feel like want to shout out loud. you used to be close with me. but now i just like an eyesore to you. sorry if i disturb you with my apperance.
my friends? which one you talking about? true or with masks? yeah i got a lot of frineds, with masks. true? can be count with your fingers dude. i wish, could leave here, and go to somewhere, where people do not know me, will not care me. let me be myself. be what i want. happy ever after. but if i were to go this place, i would like to go with dear. i don't know why, different things happened to both of us, but i feel the same as you did. and both of our destiny is same now. we used to be quarrelling. misunderstanding. hatred is here. there. everywhere. but...

now i need you most. i wish you could be here. i know i can't accompany you anymore. that is why i sent you the ultraman. so that you can be with him, when i am not with you. but one thing, i always with you, close to you, deep nto our heart. i wish, the world is wonderful as we dream.

dear, now i realize, how much they hurt me. the efforts i put in, worth nothing.
dear, sorry for all the past. i still love you, as before, seek me if you need me. causei'll ne waiting for you. when this all happened to me, the only person i want to turn to is you dear. would you be with me? more than a friend, is what i really need. i know. i know that you can't accept me now. nor anyone. i do know. but i still will waits. i hardly love back the one i left, you are one of very few. very few. not even more than one. perhaps, second. i do not know. it is almost impossible (99%) for me to love back the one i left. and the 1% is you. i do not know how long would i have to wait. but i will. because i love you. love you. love you.

regrets?? no use.

you are the one that made me fall in love.
you are the one that make me love you this deep.

you are, also, the one hurt me most.
you are, also, the one that made me protect myself from the word 'love'.

this is what you wrote. i know. i know. what else can i do other than being sorry. crying. kneeling down, apologies.

baby, i need you more than anyone. i wish, i could turn to you when i need you most. when i most down. i wish, you were next to me, when all this happen to me.

i miss your smile.
i miss your hand when holding me.
i miss you hug when i need your warmness.
i miss your face when i first woke up from sleep.

loving you again is my choice. and now you are so far from me. i did not know where to find you. how to find you. nor when can see you do i know. but i really love you dear. i am tired. tired. tired... this is very tiring me.

crazy crazy me

2008-11-04T17:33:00.000+08:00

from 6 Oct 08 till 25 Oct 08. barely two weeks. with 7meals of kfc and one meal of mcd.
I'm gonna die soon.i promise myself to eat clean food start from month of November. but i am starving now
don't know how long i can hold my promise as i used to broke promise easily :(

well at least i stick to Maggie :P

haih don't know why just addicted to it. but i am happy to create such wholesome record of my self :)

haih again... i lost my phone. put inside bag, went for training, bag right in front of many people.... but still lost. haih. till now i still can't accept the fact i lost it. very sad. need it so much. its a part of my life le :(
my 3rd sis gong Singapore next week. therefore everyone no money. can't buy phone liao :(

so sad but couldn't do anything. tomorrow got test for e-publishing. but i am still here. few days ago i am so keen to write blog. but i am here now. but don't know why just not in the mood.

haih. miss my sister a lot. she going to Singapore. but don't know when coming back. eldest sister married liao eventually. another sister went manila...

don't know when.... don't know when.. i fell in love with her again. this time, real. i really regret what happened last time.
because of me, you hurt a lot. and lost trust in me - and love.

i know its all my fault. i know this is all because of me. I'm sorry baby. i know my apologies is nothing to you. my promise is no more value to you.

only you can accept my wrong. i really regret for my stupidity last time. baby, i am wrong... please accept my apologies... there is no one else can forgive me but you.

this time i won't let you go anymore. although you may hurt me, but i have decided. because i hurt you too much, even this is karma or something, i deserve it. i deserve to be punish. i deserve to be fine for not treating you right and appreciate you. baby... what can i do to gain trust in you, again?

but i know nothing. nothing can cure your heart liao. i know. but still, i will wait you right here. just for you. i know, you are true to me. that is why i understood that you are the right girl for me.

you made me realize what true love is.
you made me understood what loyal means.
you made me know what sacrifice it is.

thanks a lot baby. if i could have a chance, i would treat you with all my heart. as before.

frequently, i don't know weather to contact you or not. i afraid will disturb your mind. at the same time i want to care for you. but..... i afraid its too late......

baby..... i really hope one day, things will as before. the moment we spend at canten2 foyer. i really happy. even it make my tears drop... but it still worth it. i believe. i believe in you. that you will finally accept me. but no one knows when.

i don't know how long can i wait. but i will wait as long as i can breath. i know, my words wasn't powerful as yours... i always claimed to be a good writer... but now, my hand is all freeze that i don't know what to write. my mind is all blank thinking about you. i really don't know what should i do...

even i may have to wait a long time, i shall wait. because you are worth me waiting for. i miss you baby. lots of lots love from dear. thanks baby for everything. you taught me a lot of things. your care is what i dream for every night. hopefully, i can see you again.

love you baby.

take care.

crazy me...

2008-11-04T03:00:00.000+08:00

the departure of Jay and Jolin

2008-08-10T17:50:00.000+08:00

5 oct08. she left me. left me right front of my very own eyes. why you did that to her. i always think for you good. that is why i don't want you to be alone. because i know the feeling of lonely is terrible. because i had gone through it alone. because i love you so much i can't stand seeing my beloved suffer the same path that i've walked. but why you didn't appreciate the price that i paid for you? do you know ho much i've gone to get you both together?

your lost in my heart seems to give me a very big impact. i thought i succeed but i didn't. your existed in my life bring joy and happiness in my world although i know you are hard to control. and tend to neglect me even how good i treat you. but that doesn't stop me. because i love you so much.

why. why must this happen to me. why me?? your lost make me feel i am such a useless. i can't even take good care of you.i feel so disappointed with myself. and i have no guts to have you again. maybe some time in the future but definitely not now. until the day i wake up from this nightmare that you gave me.

i'm really sorry for causing our separation but please believe me i never meant so. i really want to be with you as long i can and before you exhale your last breath. why. why would you do this to me. i had totally lost my confident in having you again. but baby, i really hope to be with you again. i really miss you a lot. losing you is a big shock to me which i can't accept until now. i really miss you baby. please, give me the guts to meet you again. i may seems happy but i'm not. deep into my heart, i am crying everytime i think about you. i couldn't believe same thing happened to me, again. this time, both. the first time, i promise him that i will not, never, cause any separation in the future. but... i failed...

6 oct you left me. just because she left you, i really mad at you. i thought you were the one who caused her to left you, and me. i really hate you that time so much. but i never want you to left me also. one day after she left us. yes i am very angry about you because you didn't appreciate my serve and you betray her by imitating with other feminine. why. why you left me eventually. i really can't accept it. i told everyone its your fault. but soon after you left, i realize it was actually my fault.

my fault not treating you the best i could.
my fault for treating you the same as other.
my fault for not being understanding to you.
my fault for misunderstood you.
my fault for being too careless to you.

baby, darling, please forgive me. i really sorry for the lost of you both. believe me, i still sad about your death.

jay died

jolin struggling to survive

may you both rest in peace. sorry i didn't take good care of you. until i caused you both's death. may God bless you both. have a wonderful next life. and do remember help me take care of others babies too. hope to see you both soon.

yes. one is jay the other is jolin. i thought they both could live happily together til old. but i never know the rain comes during a heaty day. i really love you guys a lot. its my dream to have you guys. but sorry i could hold on to my promise. sorry. first you bit her to death right in front of my very own eyes. i can't believe you. i really hate you to the root that time. you even bit me when i wanted to punish you.

soon after your death, i realized that maybe you just want to lighten the burden of jolin that is why you don't want to see her suffering and make a very hard decision of bitting her. sorry i misunderstood you about that. thanks to jolin because after her death, she come into my mind and communicate with my heart through her souls. she told me its not your fault. you just trying to lighten her suffering because you love her too much that you don't want her to struggle anymore.

perhaps its my mistake that caused this. to be honest, the day before, one of you came out and ate dust. i don't know you really ate it or not. because i really don't know which one is you. but most of them believe that both of your death is caused by food poisoning. they said you both not use to the food i gave you. qq, fen fen, fui fui,hung hung may consume it as usual. perhaps their body stronger.

sorry i didn't alert enough. i also forgotten that cabbage is not consumable anymore. cause it keep too long in a fridge. i'm sorry. but sorry can't cure. hopefully i can meet you both some time in the future. sorry jay. sorry jolin. i don't mean to hurt you both. enjoy your next time. please forgive me.

back to blogging for today only

2008-06-23T13:31:00.000+08:00

yesterday, 21st june 2008. exactly one month ago is the day we've been separate and go on with our own path. that is also means you had decided to leave me after all the misunderstood and problems that occur between us. i knew that leaving me is not what you wish to do. but choice weren't much to make. yet decision has to be made for both of our good. and i respect your decision because i love you and i don't want to hurt you anymore. all this while i have been treat you with all my soul and heart. because i have already found the girl that i really want to be with forever. but things didn't turn the way we wanted to. and matters are jealous with our strong love bond we had create. therefore it tend to ruins our relationship. blame no one but i know its my fault that caused this all. i know i shouldn't even think about it. but i already thought about it. this is what i regretted but its too late to apologies. yes you are right. mummy was right too. not many people understand the meaning of emotional infidelity. its not the action, but the thought that counts. why i didn't think about all this? am i too simple minded guy?? if i were, sorry for not being the perfect man you wanted to. i wish i could but my past had created what am i today. perhaps I'm too dumb for all that. i wish one day i will be.

since the day you left me, people seeing you as in you had change dramatically. no you are not i knew it. you just being yourself. want you want to do all this while. perhaps all this while when i with you, you don't feel right to do it because don't want to hurt me. thanks baby. and i;m deeply apologies if my appearance in your life had create a barrier between you and yourself. people tend to misunderstood you and I've tried to explain but nothing much seems work. enough is enough. they couldn't understand you like i do in this way.

what had past is past. English saying... yesterday was history. tomorrow was mystery. today is gift. enjoy it and appreciate every single thing He gave you and do not regret with what you do. therefore think before you do. but why i don't even fulfill any requirement above??? i always didn't think before i do. i blame myself for not treating you right. for not appreciate you enough. why am i so foolish letting go the girl that i love the most. the girl that gave me everything i need. the girl that gave me all she have. why. why. there is nothing i should say anymore.

i wish i could turn back time to correct my mistake. just that error ruins our relationship. I'm truly sorry baby. as you are the best girl in my life. and I'm so proud to call you my girl. why i keep repeating the same mistake over and over??? why i couldn't learn from mistake??? why only when i had lost you only know how to appreciate you?? why am i so dumb. can you just give me your hand over my face? i think i must wake up. perhaps i have been winning all the time. its time for me to learn what is the losing taste. learn from losing. losing is the key to success. but why am i always failed in my relationship?? i am very frustrated and disappointed in myself. how can i didn't appreciate you well enough. why i can make such idiotic decision. why.

i still and always remember what you told me. and you should know how i feel when you say those memorable magical words to me. forever and always. i seems to be ignoring you. but the fact is, I'm too afraid to see you. i couldn't stand seeing our heart so near yet so far. that is the hardest thing i could ever face. and i have to stand with it. every time i see you, i recall the moments we spend together as couple. being with you i can ask for no more. and its the best thing He would've gave me. every moment i spend with you is the moment i treasure. its not that i don't want to open my heart for others. is i couldn't forget you. everything i do, it seems you were with me. but i know you are not. how i wish, you were there for me every time i need you.

at genting we started. at genting we ended. how beautiful our love had been. how much obstacles we have gone through as a couple. and how much love we had express to each other. why my tears still forming? i don't know. perhaps, i still love you. its already one month. you are still exist in my heart. perhaps, it'll stay there for a long term. maybe forever? who knows. i am no one to care you. no one to speak. as there is much more others to care and speak to you. why. why you giving me this feeling. perhaps I'm too understand you?? hope I'm not. i hope one day you will come and tell the truth. even the truth is hurt. so that i will know the truth. what you have been thinking. but please. i don't want to.

my friends wouldn't want me to do anything for you. but its even hurt my heart. i saw the one that i love suffering. but i can't do much. she is wondering but i couldn't do much to answer her doubt. its not that i listen to my friends. they just do it for my good. and they were right. who am i to do all this thing. your friends should had done that earlier. they should be the one who cares for you. i am no one. no one. if you still love me, my care is care. my word is real. but if you doesn't love me, my cares is annoying. and my words, are rubbish. therefore, how i know what to do. i;m in dilemma. to do or not to do. perhaps i really have lots of thing to learn about you. that is why i couldn't figure out what you were thinking. no one can help me. no one there to advice me. I'm death.

I've learn t. sometimes, things needn't to mention or repeat. if you know it, you'll feel it. repeating it just will make one felt annoying. and the less those words been spoken, the more meaningful it will be. the meaning of love is not as simple as one can see, feel or even think it is. it has thousand of hidden meaning. some will find it wonderful. because they had found their true love. some may hate it because they found it terrible. and me. its true love. you thought what love means. what care is. and how important we meant to each other. friends tell me to go on with lives. its not the end of my life. but its the end of a beautiful love with a wonderful girl. how i wish i could have you once again. and i wouldn't let you go. wouldn't do anything that may harm you. and gonna treat you really right.

i do not want to go for others because i still have you in my heart. and i don't want to hurt others because i know they are just replacement of come one that can't be replace.indeed. in fact, i still have strong feel on you. but i have learn one thing. to love you for who you are. and to cope with your life style. i guess I'm getting it on me. i would not like to say it for many. but just for once and for all. i still miss you baby. and i still waiting. loving you is great experience. having you is the best gift. being with you is what He have me. now and always i will be loving you.

first greatest thing in the world is for you to love someone. second is for that person to love you back. and how wonderful it is when the third greatest, is for the first and second happen at the same time. this is what we call faith.

there is a lot more for me to say. but no matter how long i write or how much i talk, nothing can be replace these words.i love you.

hi to all my blog viewer

2008-05-19T04:38:00.000+08:00

hi to everyone whom read and visit my blog :) thanks for all of your support. but very sorry to tell you guys that i can't update my blog that recent anymore. due to shortage of time and unable to online that frequent, i face difficulties to update my blog. i would like to take this opportunity to apologies to all my viewer. but my blog still going on and whenever i have free time i'll try my best to write my blog :) thanks for all your supports :)

MARCH 15 2008 i'm useless

2008-03-16T13:42:00.000+08:00

today was Mabel's birthday. happy birthday to her!! well yesterday night we enjoy and play till very crazy lo. how crazy? private private >.<

well this is not the main reason i write blog. haih. very fan now.

why would you treat me like this? what did i do wrong? i may not that sensitive or smart. me very stupid. but i always trying my best to care for you. because i love you so much that i care you more than everyone. even myself. why would you listen to your best friend more than me? have you ever think of how i feel? i very disappointed with your act of believing her more than i do. what is the point I'm here? since she was with you therefore i don't need to be there for you.. you always listen to her instead of me. am i doing wrong saying like that? every time i want to talk this topic with you, you tend to argue me back and says she is right. she just want to care this and that. i understood that but i think she has gone too far into our relationship. this is our life. our love that we build together. i know friends are very important to you. i know that dear. i don't want she broke our love. ever since she step into this topic, my life being controlled by her. what is her right?
as a friend she can only advice. not control. i believe that she is controlling me. she won't feel it. why is she being more worried than i do? why you expect so much from me by seeing what she act? what the hell?? she act like that, then you say i don't care about you. i just try to think positively. and you don't even let me to hold you. have you think about my feeling? i know you treat me very good but in such situation i hope that you can see into my heart. what my mind thinking. she can only care bout why is she doing so much?
i feel so useless. whatever that i should do, she already doing it. what for i be there?? don't be so unfair to me please. you can do show your emotional. why when i show mine, you tend to shows yours too? can't you just be tolerate? i thought love is all about both of us? why can't i show my emo too?? i just want you to show your love and care to me. because i always saw you show that to your friends. although I'm a guy but sometimes i hope to feel loved to. i want we work hard together. i don't want become only me do all the work.

can you turn to me please? why must you turn to the other side instead of me? do you know its very hurt? i feel like there is no point i standing here while i have no use for you anymore. why? do you know i love you so much that i always hurt myself because i don't want you to hurt?

i am very stupid thats why i not always up to your expectation. but is that what you want from me? if you love someone you'll have to accept everything of the person is. i can do it. why can't you? why you want to feel sad and hurt when i did not do what you expect? as i said I'm very stupid therefore i may not do like what you expect. maybe sometime after i may ab;e to do what you want. but I'm very stupid that my brain turn slow. its not that i not worried. i just telling myself that nothing bad gonna happen. i just want to think positively.

but why when she act over about it, you disappointed with me for not doing what she did? do i have to follow her?? shouldn't i just be myself?
baby, i always wait for you no matter what. you tell me that you will change. you always argue with me but at last i always calm down because i don't want argue. because i know if i do not calm down, its going to be very bad. i don't want that to happen. please think about me before you turn to her. I'm useless.

if you think you scare to hurt me then you want to break with me then you are wrong. because i want to be with you. so do you, i believe. therefore, instead of thinking like that, why don't you come over and we have discussion? if you neglect to discuss with me, there is nothing i can do. I'm sorry for what had happened. i hope you can show me your love and care too. when i hurt or angry i tend to express my anger by punching door. you want me to promise you not to punch door. what can i do when i angry or hurt then? have you ever think if you want me to promise you i won't punch door anymore, you have to tell yourself that you won't hurt me? take note that i hurt not because you going out with other guys. that is your life of course i happy if you do what you want. i hurt because you tend to care other more and made me feel I'm neglected. I'm useless.

ACF at times square!! =)

2008-02-26T13:47:00.000+08:00

yeah 23rd and 24th February 2008 i involve in Anime Comic Fair at Times Square 6th floor =)
me helping baby's sister, Krystle to set my eyes on her booth and to promote her comic as well =)
guess what i got a free the comic "Wolf Brothers" with signature!! ha ha... no joke this book is interesting and funny also =)
if anyone wanted to purchase this book you can tell me ooo =) the original price is RM6.20 but if you really interest i can get discount for you RM6 how about it?
ha ha... feel free to ask me anything about this story as i read this book liao lu =)

although it was tiring but i have fun and great experience =)
and on 24th it was a sweet and memorable day for us =)
why? check this out =)

as you can see from this photo. it tell a tales where it represent thousand years curse. a princess finally found her prince who transform from an ugly toad into this prince. he was cursed by his god mother whom jealous of the princess beautifulness. she refuse to allow him have any contact with her so she cursed him into ugly toad. but there is one day where both of the princess and prince's heart connect to each other.
the princess kissed the prince and he transform back into human shape. and there is when the prince propose to the princess as a symbol to his love towards the princess. forever love.

wanna know what is the princess answer? she nodded to his proposal =)

well thanks what i did =)
luckily i make friend with the DJ Yoro then he allow me to use the microphone ha ha!!

that all wakaka!!!

not to forget this is our sweet and memorable video =)
guys you are recommended to you ear phone or head phone because sound quality not very good can't hear properly :)
thanks a lot and please accept my apologies for the poor quality of sound =)

14th FEBRUARY 2008

2008-02-17T15:34:00.000+08:00

although its valentine's day but still have to go school but luckily only one class. Deng.. such a nice day have to meet the Indian.. deng... i wore the check purple shirt as belle asked me to.. so baby also wear white formal shirt with purple jacket outside. she's very pretty =)

but she late to class so she went to second class >.< so i waited her while chatting with race, casey and jia kei at canteen2. actually wanted to go back bath and wash hair de.. but chat till time passed very fast. only when i realize its too late to go back bath, i just decided to go on with them. my hair don't look nice thats why i wanted to go home bath lo >.< but at last did not success because i talked too much =P

then just go to V block wait them lo... but always baby come out last de la.. hehe... cause she talk but didn't do much work =P
then we together go canteen2 hang for awhile =)
baby's mummy bought a love shape cheese cake for us. oh gosh so nice the cake =)
then baby bought me a red colorful with mouse boxer. gosh so paiseh. thanks to belle mei ki and NG >.< why you guys always like to zou me de -_-"

also bought me a white shirt some kind of jacket like that =)
wore it the next day so nice o.. thanks a lot baby love you =)

then after eat the cake. left some for NG... then don't know how but somehow belle challenge me saying that i don't dare to kiss her in front of many people. actually that time canteen not full with students but got few groups la.. then i just stand up and really wanted to kiss her. actually i dare one but just have to respect her so i didn't lo... then they want us to kiss for 2minutes none stop >.<
quite stress cause.. if just kiss can la but kiss for 2minutes really quite challenging lo.. but at last we did la =) so sweet =)

then after finish all we plan for movie at times square. meet the spartans. but after mei ki knows that I'll follow baby's parents dinner she don't want follow cause scare go back alone. so she don't want go and penny also don't go liao lo.. only me baby and belle. took bus go..

reach sungei wang i go wash hair and restyle it cause need to meet parents-in-law =P
must dress nice and smart hehe =)
rm15 for the hair washing
then after finish meet them at times square. actually only got 2free tickets for me and baby de. got the free tickets from snj lo.. i bought flower bear there ma... then they give me free tickets. it was Wednesday then. we watch kung fu dunk on Wednesday, a day before valentine. then since we bought tickets liao so i exchange the free tickets for valentine's day lo...
then when my hair being wash they want to times square to buy ticket for belle lo.. luckily got ticket but in front of us la.. then before movie baby asked me to bring belle into cinema cause she wanted to buy flower for belle. surprise la. enjoy the movie alot.. although watched liao but watch for the second time i still laugh out loud =P

finish the movie i pakat with belle pretend like go do something else but actually is go collect flowers from the shop. i bought those flowers and bears a day before valentine =)
although i act like don't know what is valentine but actually I've plan this long time ago for her =) muax baby!! =)
while i go collect flowers and bear from shop, belle bring baby to 3rd floor in front of cinema there got a empty space there. normally got grocery there de but thanks God that day it was so empty =)

so baby was already suspect something but once she turn behind i approaching her and gave her the bears =) a single tear dropped from her eye and i wiped it =)
then tell her that 3greatest thing in this world. first is for you to love someone. second is for the person to love you back. third is for the first and second happen at the same time =)

then gave her a bouquet of flowers =) and tell her, there are only 2time that i wanted to love you. NOW, and FOREVER.
then she hugged me so sweet ooo... love you so much baby =)
continue, i ask her to stand right in the middle of the circle (yeah the floor got one big circle de =P )
then i asked baby to close her eyes and then i took out the ring, kneel down in front my her and propose to her =)
i guess she drop her tears again then she nodded means agree and i wear the ring to her finger. lots of lots of people watching us =)
that is what i want because i want to show her how serious am i and how much i love you baby.

we very happy at that time and belle be our witness. only one thing left is baby and belle's hp both no battery so failed to take video of that memorable moment. but it'll remain in our mind forever.

then we took monorail to kl sentral then mumsie fetch us to restaurant where we have dinner. the dinner goes very smooth and i chatted with mumsie and daddie too =)
then mumsie sent me home. thanks a lot for the dinner and ride. most importantly is to let kk couple with me =)
thanks a lot mumsie daddie =)

what can i say other than happy? i love you baby =) muax.. love you forever =)
you know that once i said this, it mean that i really deep into you baby.. i accept you the way you are. to me, you are so sweet and adorable. every time i saw you, you made me fall in love with you again and again. i love you my dear sweet heart kk baby. miss you so much. having you i have nothing else to ask for. being with you is the best gift God gave to me. i hope the time will stop when i spending time with you. if God can grant me with a wish, I'll tell God i want to be with you happily forever.

trip to port dickson

2008-02-15T15:15:00.000+08:00

went to PD from monday 11february to tuesday 12february. earlier plan suppose got 5people go de. but in the middle this not free that not free so it end up only mabel, kk and me went there lo.. went puduraya search for tickets but no ticket >.< la =")

once reach there pack chat have fun then go to beach play for awhile then back home bath and go for dinner. sadly no car so we walk about 10km back and fourth searching for carlsberg >.<

finally can't find so went back room and play chor dai di til 3am like that. plan want go down beach lie there and see stars but because too late dy those stars maybe too shy and hide themselves from us >.<

after that mabel sleep in the room then we sleep at dining room >.<>.<

and the fan can only adjust off or on. and only level5 available >.<

then after mabel woke up she blanket us i was so shocked once woke up got blanket on me de >.<

after woke up bath and go sea swim lu =)

those sands so damn hot like grill our feets. then went back room bath and rest plus brunch. then pack thing, check out and call taxi man fetch us go bus stop. we ate kfc for lunch then take bus go seremban then only change bus go back kl.

reach kl shopping at guardian and watson then go back home lo... so very tiring. next time plan go penang!! haha!!

last minutes decision trip to Genting

2008-01-27T16:34:00.000+08:00

on Friday 25th January, we have classes as usual. morning class at 8am but dear late so she absent. so she went to blood test. now waiting the result. so during HE lecturer, somehow she told me that she is going to genting with her mom. then i just asking if i can follow. of course it can't be only both of us la. so surprisingly she asked belled to go too. and belle ask NG and NG ask Calvin to go. what a sudden and last minute decision to be made. but we did not decide on the spot la..

so after classes we went to genting. belle, NG, Calvin, dear and me. it is really surprising. but we did it to genting eventually =)

dear's mom fetching us... so reach there walk around play some games before dinner. we even tried rock climbing. then rest at room before going out to enjoy. that night was really sweet for both of us. we went motion master and bumper car. it is my most sweetest and memorable moment at genting. it was nearly 5years since i last visited genting. and it was my first time to spend the remarkable moment with the one that i loved the most. sadly my shoes broke down at genting before dinner so we went to buy my new shoes. not bad i like it.

after all we went back to room to chit chat and talks. By the time Calvin and NG went to sleep dy. so its only 3of us went to mamak for supper. there is when i felt over cold til i shaking. but yet i like extreme thing. so i drag dear to go out of the building. take note that it rained a bit before that. and the wind blow strongly. in other words, its just far too cold just like we fell into the sea of ice. we post a titanic style there and asked belle to take photo of us. honestly, i nearly have some sign of... over cold. i forgot what is that specific name. after freezing cold out there we went back to room and continue chatting. then belle went to sleep. its only me and dear. so i chat a lot to her. i told her 2stories and ask her to sleep. at 6am she have to leave to help her sister for a book fair at nilai. i can't sleep when she left. just can't sleep. so i tried to watch sunrise but i got fed up waited half an hour but can't see the sun. deng.

then only i know from our room can't see sun de. what on earth... then only left belle, NG, Calvin and me. they continue sleep til about 1022am and we check out. have stupid McD at genting. everything were twice the price at kl. gosh. it was my stupid idea to breakfast there.
after that we went down by cable car. then by bus til kl sentral. and i took putra with Calvin til wangsa maju and i took bus to my condo. it was a very nice and sweet trip although it was a last minute decision. perhaps there are more to come? who knows..

dear, i will not forget this date. 26 January 2008 aka Saturday. [yeah it passed 2am dy dear =) ]
this is the date we officially became couple. I'm very happy that you finally accepted me as a part of your life dear. you said if you kiss me on my lips is a sign you accepted me. and you did. i was quite surprise too. but at the same time, i glad to be with you =)

make you sad i will not. to make you happy that is what me for.

study group turn out to be chatting group

2008-01-25T10:25:00.000+08:00

Deng... again wanna go library study but it ends up with chatting. we chatted a lot. about sex is the most funniest one. we talk about where to go during Chinese new year...

things plan too fast before it tend to happen. i afraid we might comes to some obstacles. hope it'll be OK la. we plan to "pai nin" at belle's house first then mine. then kk's house and then NG's house. then go seremban to Calvin's house then to Mei Ki's house. then to Malacca cha pei's house before going to belle's hometown at johor. maybe only la.

but its all plan right now. i was worrying more about our assignment. i wish to finish it asap. but....

i wanted to study. that is what i plan at first. but once i reached there, i can't concentrate study. i even didn't finished reading the newspaper. but i know arsenal lose to tottenham. yeah...

why i can't concentrate?? because... i like to observe my dear from close. yeah she late today for class then replace on second class. ha ha... every time when she come close to me, i will stare at her cheek and wanted to kiss her. but i didn't. i always ask her permission before doing anything on her. because i respect her. today don't know how, but somehow, she gave me the special 'gift' again. i was so shocked. i felt the warmness in her when she get close to me although we are in a very cold place. thanks dear for everything.

i know that you have develop your feelings to me day by day. in fact it increase daily. me too dear.. i also comes to realize your worries. you afraid i will not treat you the same way i treat you now, if we officially become couple right? yeah that is what every girls worry about. its normal dear.

i can't force you or say anything right now. but only time will proof my love to you dear. only time will show to you how much i love you.
it was my first time to take such video like that. it was sooooo sweet dear... thanks...
i can tell that, from the moment i decided to be with you, I've already developed my feelings toward you, to the level which equally to very high. and it maintain daily. without failed..

happy ma dear? or shall i put it in this way?

my feelings to you grow everyday just like the flowers at garden. they need water that you pour with your love. as plowers need fertilizers, you kept them look healthy by providing the optimum amount needed, from your kind heart. the warmness you had, prepare those flowers keep blossom even during winter. imagine. how sweet and memorable is it to watch flowers blossom during winter time with you in our own-made garden. we were sitting on a pair of chairs made from wonder woods from California, with your favourite white coffee originate from ipoh and my favourite cappuccino ice blended on a wooden table. we sat near the window facing our garden and it was a wonderful evening for us. holding hands, looking at the flowers blossom, at that moment, it recalled me of the same winter somewhere 30years ago. where it was when we confess to each other. it was when our love blossom just like how the flowers blossomed. even though we face many obstacles, just like how difficult those flowers struggling to survive during winter, we manage to overcome all these barriers between us and built up a warm family, as warm as we felt from the burning woods during winter. the snows fall... the sun set. and i look deep into your attractive brownish eyes saying "sweet heart, the eyes that I'm looking now is the same attractive brownish eyes that i stare at, 30years ago. lets go for dinner. our children is waiting for us."
and it is when you pull my hand and said "dear, thank you for all these years. i can never find this anywhere, whosoever. i know that the garden is actually represent your heart you built for me 30years ago. you told everyone how important am i and how heavy my duty is to keep these flowers blossom even during winter. but i came to realized that, it is impossible for me to do all these without you, keeping the garden from insects, thieves, wild animals, and natural disasters."
the tears flow from your eyes pool. which touch deep inside my heart. i hold your hand, and put it on my chest saying, "can you feel that my heart pour it's tears for you? my heart never stop beating, just like the love in us never end. because they beat for you."
"remember why our children always asked us the same question during this time? they are still far too young to understand this. in their eyes, its only an empty garden fills with wild grass. but in our eyes , it always glorious because the love we share all these years. i love you sweet heart. just like the way i do, 30years ago."
and you answered, "the moment i followed you back to this wooden house, it already represent i will follow you the rest of my life. mo matter where you go. the efforts i put to keep our garden alive shown how much i love you dear."

somehow later, we breath our last breath together, holding hand, sitting on our chairs looking at the beautiful skies. there was a shooting star named Lover that comes only once in three decades. i make a wish. that wish is to live with you forever. and it comes true, for once and all.
you told me you made a wish too.what is that wish sweet heart? you said,
"to be with you til my last breath. and it comes true too =)"

and there goes our souls. return to where we belongs.

DPR1 TARC JANUARY 2008 INTAKE at ONE UTAMA

2008-01-24T01:21:00.000+08:00

before 12pm i've reach wangsa maju station. steven kind of late 5minutes like that. but calvin reach even earlier than we do. after that we took train to kelana jaya station (last station, about 20stations from wangsa maju station). luckily got seat. then met NG and belle at masjid jamek station.
reached at kelana jaya station we took 2taxi to one utama. then all of us like lost in the mall. we decided to lunch first only sing k at neway. we all starving actually. its only steven, belle, calvin, NG and me. KK still at genting and joined us later.

finished, we went to Neway straight. sing sing sing and sing til voice out. very nice lo but still remain formal. i mean didn't jump on the couch la like last time... wakaka...
then before we finish sang kk finally come to joined us. she didn't sing but shout a lot. wakaka...

its so kind of you dear for offering me the sore throat sweet. thanks for that i can talk now. don't think i'll lost my voice tomorrow gua... then we went watch movies. darn it. continue cloverfield.

before going into cinema, kk and me went out to pass the vegetable to kk's cousin who also worked at one utame saloon. since the movie we watched half way already so we decided enter half way later. darn ticket cost rm11 on public holiday. gosh... we walked around one utama before going into cinema.
in the cinema i found out that dear is sooooooo cute and adorable. i felt that way all the time la but different place different situation la.. wakaka... so also different feeling lo.. haha...

about the movie, honestly, its sucks. admit it JJ Abrams. we do not know how the monster came from and what with the tiny things that comes out from its body. it seems like combination of spider(8legs) and ants (from the movie starship trooper). we don't know the functions of these creatures and it just came out from no where and attacked the city of new york. one thing for sure it doen's seems to like the statue of liberty. wakaka.... then it attacked human and the movie goes on. belle even felt dizzy because the camera move here and there. just like watching pirated dvd the cameraman keep on movng around. and it just end with rob express his love to his gf and so do her.
eventually i went to google to search about this movie. it said after the credit (those words coming up from the screen stated actors and directors like that) it was actually they dropped something into the sea and woke that monster up from sleep since long time ago... lame lame lame.... waste money watch it..

after watch hang around at bowling park and have some tea before going back. dear fetch all of us go back. i'm the last. it was me to drive to my condo before she go back herself. i so worry about her because have to go all the way to pj alone. hope she'll move to genting klang asap..
then she won't be so tired and have to go long way to get home...
well before i went back i get a special "gift" from her. can't say what is that special "gift" but it really shocked me as it not obvious and i don't expect it to be done like that lo.. i was stunned til stand there don't know what to do.

dear sweet heart, the moments we spent together might be many hours but i always felt it was soo fast that i don't want it to end. you feel the same way too right... yeah you told me that =P

study group at library by DPR1 january 2008 intake

2008-01-24T01:14:00.000+08:00

well besides studying of course we also chat a lot la. then on sudden belle said my eyes attractive. said i ''shocked'' her and don't want to look at my eyes so that she won't fall in love with me wor.. my reaction was, "what the heck??"
i'm so blurr and shocked because never got people say my eyes attractive. then suddenly NG add on by saying my smile attractive too. again my reaction was "what on earth??" also never got people say my smile attractive. really meh?? i don't know o.. anyway thanks a lot you guys.

the study group so noisy.. kakaka... can't study le... so i can't finished tutorial work. but its ok i manage to finished it at home. luckily but its very hard too. thanks a lot guys...

22 JANUARY 2008

2008-01-23T14:20:00.000+08:00

today is my 3rd sister birthday but forgotten to send her msg. darn she screw me. wakaka.. actually i remember but once end the call i forgot lo... haha..

then yesterday night chatted with dear sweet heart til 3am++ so happy le. its so sweet...
then the next day like zombie. gosh darn it. ceh... not first time la...

chat alot with dear lo.. until phone cut off few times because 40minutes dy, no credit and no battery... i don't know but they told me that normally phone will automatically cut off your call after 40minutes like that to avoid your phone from burst. haha...
we share alot of things and i asked lots of thing too... of course can't write here la. its private. i feel the feeling of first love again.. thanks God...

actually she was sleeping de, then i thought wanna miss call her for about 20times ma like the day before to shocked her. haha... then less than 8times she sent me message.. then she woke up and we chat and chat and chat lo... she was sooooooo cute le... her voice that just woke is.... waa... so cute lo.. then when she sneeze her 'wan tan mee' that time, yeah sounds like wat tat but... no comment...

its so sweet to observe her cute adorable look. it just melted my heart today (in english class lo)
she willing to didn't put any make up for me. she said one la.. so i see and, well i feel it is better that put make up lo. it lok more natural and still cute. in the class she touch my face few times le.. but don;t know what is that mean la. well if you judge her by her apperance then you totally wrong. she actually very sweet and caring. plus can be romantic too =)

but sadly she can't lunch with me cause have to go genting with her mom... tomorrow (23 january 2008 ) we are going to one utama for neway and movies afterward. dear will join us later. haihz.... so miss her now... luckily i can see genting from my condo. so can see her stars glowing on genting there lo... i nearly 5years didn't go genting dy lo.. maybe during sem break will go. or maybe to redang. wasai.... pokai lo like that... budget budget budget man.... wakaka....

sweet heart, it so sweet of you for the present.. thanks a lot dear... thank you..

IVY LEONG

2008-01-21T00:00:00.000+08:00

i want to take this opportunity to thank the girl i mention her name above. yeah she helped me for this template and for the future too. she had taught me how to do it. yes i'm a noob!!!
thanks to her a lot thats why purposely thank her here as a token of appreciation. thanks ivy.

new year celebration at golden river

2008-01-18T15:00:00.000+08:00

well i know that 2008 has already nearly 3weeks into it. but since i created blog today so write today lo.. well, really happy celebrating with the taekwondo family. yeah the tarc taekwondo club 'family'. and of course with my wife also la..
its like.. so enjoyable and crazy.

why so crazy? because i feel close with them! and i not always so close with people k... yeah right. play spray with each other the spray was belongs to me because they didn't bought it so i did.covey tak ingat main spray macam spray air kat bunga. wakaka!!!

then watch fireworks with beloved. well great memory. and i so boring when everyone shouting ''yeah!!''
i like something different so i shouted "ite!!" and "yameteh"
don't ask me what does it mean. and it ended with me getting spray from a bunch of guys happen to pass by. maybe they think i'm crazy. wakaka!!

then they went back together and bey tey with me take lrt. thats it for new year lo..

forgotten some point

2008-01-18T00:31:00.000+08:00

yeah forgotten some point. although i'm very happy but my outfit sucks man..

17 january 1989

2008-01-17T23:02:00.000+08:00

yeah right it was 19years ago then.
but today is so different from all the previous year. let me tell you people out there my celebration of my 19years on earth start from when i still studying in form5(2006,17years)

when i still at smk bandar baru seri petaling studying for spm, i had my birthday. not in a pretty way you see. few days before my birthday (can't really remember which date) i had fever. i think la. then few days later only back to school. then my gf, back then, wanted ME to take MY present from HER dad's car. "what the heck? " is whawt some of you guys think right? well not to say bully girls but we guys expect girl to bring to present to you by themselves right? yeah right.
she gave me a big purple + pink love shape with the word "be mine"
you know what is my first impression? oh gosh so 'hao' !! macam la aku sudah hutang sama dia 10ribu tahun. mesti jadi dia punya ka?!! after we broke the love shape 'disappear' from my room immedietly.

one year later, 2007. 18years, chinese clled 'pok pok chui' .
finished spm liao then go work at hang tuah. wholesales. well the shop, AMX doesn't want guy worker but luckily he small boss said maybe they need guy's strength, when new stocks come.
i go to work just wear old school pants with sandals. wakaka!! well my appearance not important. is my commitment more than anything. plus my work mostly at store, aka store keeper. at first quite suffering. but after 3weeks i got used to 2store. yeah i handle 2store myself. my job is pretty easy, if used to it la. when customers want this products, just get it for them lo.. it required quick, smsart and mostly memory. i don't have much any of 3of them but i enjoy alot in my work and i develop those 3talents eventually.

so after work(6pm) my collegue went out to buy me a cake. i tell you what. its nice. i still keep the photo til today and the video as well. my supervisor called me 'toro'. you know him? main actor in the drama 'snow angel' aka 'xue tian zhi' i suppose if not misspelling.
then after work, friends who battle in the spm war with me, yee ying, hui ting, and chooi yee if not mistaken, and ying's bf too, back then la, fetch me and celebrate again. they bought me a new sport shoes and a cake. yeah! 2 cakes in one birthday!! very happy lo. i tell you what. although i don't like that shoes bu eventually when i joined tarc taekwondo i need it every training. haha... thanks guys!

2cakes per day. so happy. tell my sister and she said she received 5cakes on her birthday. darn it look down on my happiness pulak...

got angpau from mom as usual but eventually lost it. you know where i keep it? inside my pillow. at first my mom said no money but i forced her to give me. because traditional ma... must follow... hehe... then she gave to me at last. but around 20january like that lo. i don't mind. although it just rm10 but it means a lot to me. until the very second now i still wondering where did it lost. impossible i drop it because i keep it in my pillow!! damn roommate steal it. but believe me he won't do so. why? because he is richer than me and now he is doing his way to be the winner of project superstar 2008. he did it to the 24 finalist in kl. his name is tang kai wen. maybe will use english name as kevin. vote him guys if you like him. he is handsome and have good talents it singing as well as playing guitar except for one. he is damn porn minded. wakaka!! who said porn boy can't be superstar?! screw it k look at the westerners.

this year, 2008. year of rat. i know i'm 19 this year but believe me when i said i'm 18. why? check this out guys.

first i just wear simple to college. very simple. don't even wax my hairs. because i expect to go back home sleep after class. only one class ma til 11am. yeah calvin do ask me want to waste my birthday like that meh.. i said "aiya normal la"
out of sudden my birthday clash with michelle lee. yeah my new friend aka class and coursemate. and out of surprise the alien (yeah its you kk, called her like that because she acted strangely and her look doen't belong to earth. sorry i over exaggerate) ask we all go cheong k or at least watch movie. so i said "i watched all latest nice movies liao la. now only wait chinese new year see got what movies lo".
so in the bus, i don't know how, but somehow, God help me again. out of the sudden NG's friend have newspaper. i just borrow it because it want to see cartoon but alien saw the movie list. so she check it out lo. cloverfield. thats what we decided to watch. and i wanted to watch that too. so reach times square we bought tickets and went in lo. but one hour later, damn cinema got problem.
everything rewind. include the screen. it was upside down and everything were rewind. include the talking and subtitles. out of the sudden this is what happened, during CLIMAX!!
darn it. it last for about 20minutes and everyone like so annoyed. we enjoyed it by turning our hear upside down too... haha... at last the show ended like that and once the lights on i said "thanks be to God for this suprising gift"

so we got the refund lo. and went to low yat to buy calvin's cooling pad and steven's keyboard. after that when everyone wanted to go back, i recommended for a tea break since its still early. you know where is my favourite place. GASOLINE. celebrating memorable day at mourning place. the gasoline at golden river have haunted part ma. my favourite place. i find it, cute. hehe.. yeah i'm abnormal de. but i tell you what. i'm freaking phobia to horror movies now. can''t open my eyes for even 5minutes. then out of the sudden the alien and NG went out said wanna buy girls thing wor. well i don't suspect anything at first. tell you what. i feel it was just a normal hang out with friends more than my birthday, i don't feel it. maybe i was kinda in the exam mood. as many of my friends having exams. when they back, gasoline played happy birthday song and calvin walked in with a lychee spounce cake on his hand. darn he told me he went out to toilet de. well he said he wanted to go toilet but met the alien and NG outside struggling to fire the candle. guess what. one big candle with 8 small candle. you tell me what does it mean.
then alien put her mascara on me and make up me lo. deng... so ugly like snow man. i can't recognize myself. haha... took few photos. made a wish too! then finish already i go to central market to collect my present from my wife. yeah she already officially bought me a bag. tell you what. i like it a lot. and at central market i bring back football pillow. you know? small cute pillow with footballer name on it, just like a jersey one....

so i choose liverpool number 8 and 9. represent my year of born. also represent torres and gerrard. actually i wanted ac milan number 22 kaka, man utd number 7 ronaldo. but just for the sake of my year i born, i chose 8 and 9 lo...
another is bear bick lo. one big de. like a star war black character de. another is particularly smaller. look like a specky guy. suit me lo. haha.
then take all go back.
at home, as i expected earlier they will celebrate my birthday. because its so obvious when xiao fui asked me the day before what cake i like. i said tiramisu.
so after make a wish and blow the candle as usualy traditional, must use mouth to bite the candle out from the cake. and yeah you think easy? no if i said the candle is located to the deepest to the cake base. funny thing is the candle is longer than the cake deepest. and i did it myself. i mean i'm the one who put the candle to the deepest of the cake myself.
you know people will push your head right. so i do it in less than a second whereby people don't even prepare. so i win!!!! haha....
thats the end... and since then til now i keep on writing blog til now. because today is my first time create blog. thanks to my lil sister ivy leong. wakaka. until then, continue next time.

sesiapa di luar yang suday habis baca saya punya blog, terima kasih sepuluh kuasa lapan darab lima tambah tujuh kali kerana sudi baca falsampah saya. haha!! happy always guys..