my feelings ~

Saturday, November 22, 2008

what is going on now?

did i di wrong? why people just can't accept me. my attitude. i just being myself. wrong? my friendster, blog, non of you all come here. do you have to hate me this much. when you need my help, seek me you did. when doesn't need one, just ignore as if i wasn't exist. even though when need my help, if i can't help, outta my limit, you hate me. this is frineds. friends. thanks a lot DPR1 january 2008 intake. i learn a lot from you. your faces when talking to me. i believe if i stop doing what i shouldn't, you won't even turn your face to me anymore.

they scold me disallowing what i am doing. but i keep on doing it because of you. because i love you. but this is wht i gt. thanks a lot. i learn it. those who can't help you, ignore them. if they can help, its call friends. perhaps i shoule disappear from you. everyone happy. no more this freak guy with you. anoying you.

getting less of you. getting hate from you. i feel like want to shout out loud. you used to be close with me. but now i just like an eyesore to you. sorry if i disturb you with my apperance.
my friends? which one you talking about? true or with masks? yeah i got a lot of frineds, with masks. true? can be count with your fingers dude. i wish, could leave here, and go to somewhere, where people do not know me, will not care me. let me be myself. be what i want. happy ever after. but if i were to go this place, i would like to go with dear. i don't know why, different things happened to both of us, but i feel the same as you did. and both of our destiny is same now. we used to be quarrelling. misunderstanding. hatred is here. there. everywhere. but...

now i need you most. i wish you could be here. i know i can't accompany you anymore. that is why i sent you the ultraman. so that you can be with him, when i am not with you. but one thing, i always with you, close to you, deep nto our heart. i wish, the world is wonderful as we dream.

dear, now i realize, how much they hurt me. the efforts i put in, worth nothing.
dear, sorry for all the past. i still love you, as before, seek me if you need me. causei'll ne waiting for you. when this all happened to me, the only person i want to turn to is you dear. would you be with me? more than a friend, is what i really need. i know. i know that you can't accept me now. nor anyone. i do know. but i still will waits. i hardly love back the one i left, you are one of very few. very few. not even more than one. perhaps, second. i do not know. it is almost impossible (99%) for me to love back the one i left. and the 1% is you. i do not know how long would i have to wait. but i will. because i love you. love you. love you.

regrets?? no use.


you are the one that made me fall in love.
you are the one that make me love you this deep.

you are, also, the one hurt me most.
you are, also, the one that made me protect myself from the word 'love'.


this is what you wrote. i know. i know. what else can i do other than being sorry. crying. kneeling down, apologies.

baby, i need you more than anyone. i wish, i could turn to you when i need you most. when i most down. i wish, you were next to me, when all this happen to me.


i miss your smile.
i miss your hand when holding me.
i miss you hug when i need your warmness.
i miss your face when i first woke up from sleep.

loving you again is my choice. and now you are so far from me. i did not know where to find you. how to find you. nor when can see you do i know. but i really love you dear. i am tired. tired. tired... this is very tiring me.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

crazy crazy me

from 6 Oct 08 till 25 Oct 08. barely two weeks. with 7meals of kfc and one meal of mcd.
I'm gonna die soon.i promise myself to eat clean food start from month of November. but i am starving now
don't know how long i can hold my promise as i used to broke promise easily :(

well at least i stick to Maggie :P

haih don't know why just addicted to it. but i am happy to create such wholesome record of my self :)

haih again... i lost my phone. put inside bag, went for training, bag right in front of many people.... but still lost. haih. till now i still can't accept the fact i lost it. very sad. need it so much. its a part of my life le :(
my 3rd sis gong Singapore next week. therefore everyone no money. can't buy phone liao :(

so sad but couldn't do anything. tomorrow got test for e-publishing. but i am still here. few days ago i am so keen to write blog. but i am here now. but don't know why just not in the mood.

haih. miss my sister a lot. she going to Singapore. but don't know when coming back. eldest sister married liao eventually. another sister went manila...

don't know when.... don't know when.. i fell in love with her again. this time, real. i really regret what happened last time.
because of me, you hurt a lot. and lost trust in me - and love.

i know its all my fault. i know this is all because of me. I'm sorry baby. i know my apologies is nothing to you. my promise is no more value to you.

only you can accept my wrong. i really regret for my stupidity last time. baby, i am wrong... please accept my apologies... there is no one else can forgive me but you.

this time i won't let you go anymore. although you may hurt me, but i have decided. because i hurt you too much, even this is karma or something, i deserve it. i deserve to be punish. i deserve to be fine for not treating you right and appreciate you. baby... what can i do to gain trust in you, again?

but i know nothing. nothing can cure your heart liao. i know. but still, i will wait you right here. just for you. i know, you are true to me. that is why i understood that you are the right girl for me.

you made me realize what true love is.
you made me understood what loyal means.
you made me know what sacrifice it is.

thanks a lot baby. if i could have a chance, i would treat you with all my heart. as before.

frequently, i don't know weather to contact you or not. i afraid will disturb your mind. at the same time i want to care for you. but..... i afraid its too late......

baby..... i really hope one day, things will as before. the moment we spend at canten2 foyer. i really happy. even it make my tears drop... but it still worth it. i believe. i believe in you. that you will finally accept me. but no one knows when.

i don't know how long can i wait. but i will wait as long as i can breath. i know, my words wasn't powerful as yours... i always claimed to be a good writer... but now, my hand is all freeze that i don't know what to write. my mind is all blank thinking about you. i really don't know what should i do...

even i may have to wait a long time, i shall wait. because you are worth me waiting for. i miss you baby. lots of lots love from dear. thanks baby for everything. you taught me a lot of things. your care is what i dream for every night. hopefully, i can see you again.

love you baby.

take care.

crazy me...

from 6 Oct 08 till 25 Oct 08. barely two weeks. with 7meals of kfc and one meal of mcd.
I'm gonna die soon.i promise myself to eat clean food start from month of November. but i am starving now
don't know how long i can hold my promise as i used to broke promise easily :(

well at least i stick to Maggie :P

haih don't know why just addicted to it. but i am happy to create such wholesome record of my self :)

haih again... i lost my phone. put inside bag, went for training, bag right in front of many people.... but still lost. haih. till now i still can't accept the fact i lost it. very sad. need it so much. its a part of my life le :(
my 3rd sis gong Singapore next week. therefore everyone no money. can't buy phone liao :(

so sad but couldn't do anything. tomorrow got test for e-publishing. but i am still here. few days ago i am so keen to write blog. but i am here now. but don't know why just not in the mood.

haih. miss my sister a lot. she going to Singapore. but don't know when coming back. eldest sister married liao eventually. another sister went manila...

don't know when.... don't know when.. i fell in love with her again. this time, real. i really regret what happened last time.
because of me, you hurt a lot. and lost trust in me - and love.

i know its all my fault. i know this is all because of me. I'm sorry baby. i know my apologies is nothing to you. my promise is no more value to you.

only you can accept my wrong. i really regret for my stupidity last time. baby, i am wrong... please accept my apologies... there is no one else can forgive me but you.

this time i won't let you go anymore. although you may hurt me, but i have decided. because i hurt you too much, even this is karma or something, i deserve it. i deserve to be punish. i deserve to be fine for not treating you right and appreciate you. baby... what can i do to gain trust in you, again?

but i know nothing. nothing can cure your heart liao. i know. but still, i will wait you right here. just for you. i know, you are true to me. that is why i understood that you are the right girl for me.

you made me realize what true love is.
you made me understood what loyal means.
you made me know what sacrifice it is.

thanks a lot baby. if i could have a chance, i would treat you with all my heart. as before.

frequently, i don't know weather to contact you or not. i afraid will disturb your mind. at the same time i want to care for you. but..... i afraid its too late......

baby..... i really hope one day, things will as before. the moment we spend at canten2 foyer. i really happy. even it make my tears drop... but it still worth it. i believe. i believe in you. that you will finally accept me. but no one knows when.

i don't know how long can i wait. but i will wait as long as i can breath. i know, my words wasn't powerful as yours... i always claimed to be a good writer... but now, my hand is all freeze that i don't know what to write. my mind is all blank thinking about you. i really don't know what should i do...

even i may have to wait a long time, i shall wait. because you are worth me waiting for. i miss you baby. lots of lots love from dear. thanks baby for everything. you taught me a lot of things. your care is what i dream for every night. hopefully, i can see you again.

love you baby.

take care.