well. 20 years. first time experienced this. damn tension about something that i shouldn't. why can't i just be a normal student? and do my responsibility as a student and a son? why must i meet with all this obstacle? i just another odinary person like many do. but why?
why must me? is it the meaning that is it the time i start to grow up? i don't know.
until very now i still can't accept the truth. the fact actually. i wish i could but i was to afraid to accept. yet i rather enjoying my fantasy life. why can't i just become an ordinary person?
i knew that when it comes, just face it. eric leong. its time for you to grow up. but why i find it hard to cope with? rubbish. this is all shits.
sick of this. i... do not know waht should i do next.
i fall for you the moment i saw you. i wish i didn't but eventually i did. having your number is because i just want to tell you how beautiful you are. even though you may not even care about it. even though you don't even bother to reply me. but i know the chance is there for me. and i can't just see it fly away again. and all i did is just to tell you that you are beautiful. i don't mind losing you as a friend as i do so because thi is what i feel about you. although we just another hi bye friend.
yet there is many temptation. when you fall for me, i still not assure of it because its all the rumor and stories that had playing around from the first day i know you. therefore i know its not true. i keep asking myself a very basic question. yet i can't answer to myself a satisfied answer.
today, finally i got the answer. thank to a friend of mine. i finally find this answer out of myself. i'm just an ordinary person. that is why i can't figure out the answer at first. idiotic of me. i with i could live my life as simple as i wanted to. but i knew i can't. please.
the answer is, do not leave the one that you love for the one that you like because the one that you like will leave you for the one that they love. simple yet complicated. not confusing after all huh. don't be greedy because one have to be appreciate what one have. otherwise, one will lose both and have nothing in return. this is what life is. i know it but i don't get it. what on earth is this. rubbish one will say but this is my life.
haih... but luckily i found my answer eventually. i may not know if we are better as friend or lover, but maybe i still too young for this. i definitely wanted us to be more than friend as my feeling towards you is growing as time pass by.
tonight will be the night that i will fall for you. over again don't make me cahnge my mind. i won't live to see another day, i swear its true. because a girl like you is impossible to find. your're imposible to find.
you are a part of a guy as many people will see. i afraid of you the first glance at you. but fall for you the next time our eyes meet. there is more than meets the eyes. you are a good girl. good student definitely. good daughter. and no doubt a good lover. i do not know why you had such past. although i really mad with him but angry you i shall not because love is blind. but i do believe it is a hard one and you gone through many difficult time to stand on your own. i can't believe you he treat you like rubbish. no doubt you are more careful and have doubt in believing guy. hopefully i can proof to you and one day you will realize that i am different from who he is. i am myself. i am who i am.
all i can say is i'm gonna treat you right because i really love you. i can't promise you anything because i don't want to break that promise and cause you to lose your trust on me. you are a really good girl. appreciate you i must. protecting you i shall. love you i will. time will proof everything as i do believe. i do not know how long i can wait as i am impatient people. but you definitely some one that worth my heart to fall to. apologies from me if i did or said anything wrong to you. i use my time to understanding you more and more. i try to control myself from going crazy over you. but one thing i can't control is i falling deeper for you. i love you.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
again you guys left me...
again.. you left me... 26th November 2008, you left me
just a day after i brought back those group of white mice. i thought for sake of fun and wanna help them... but you left me. haih. melanie. i really miss you. and i will be. forget you not i will. remembering you i will. appreciating you forever i will.
regret i will for treating not good at you. and as time passed by, hung hung, qq, fen fen, all of you left me one by one. even my most beloved QQ. i sorry dear. hurt you not i will any longer.
not i left no one but briskie with me. sometime get fed up with him. du lan only know how to eat. rush to eat like hell. my fault cause always starve you. sorry... you are my only hope. although all my hamster, syrian type hamster (i forgotten her name, damn long never write blog) lost twice. i bought new one thought will replace her but both lost.
thats it. what is gone is gone. dead and gone. life has to go on. no turning back. loking back just to learn our mistake. not to look back forever. life is hard. who don't know. thanks God for giving me the feel of the real world. perhaps i not ready to face it. but its good that face it this early. if not will be too late to apologies. haha. rubbish.
following is one of my favourite phrase throughout this few weeks. don't know what does it has to do with me but i just love it.
ladies and gentlemen, enjoy it.
Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes
just a day after i brought back those group of white mice. i thought for sake of fun and wanna help them... but you left me. haih. melanie. i really miss you. and i will be. forget you not i will. remembering you i will. appreciating you forever i will.
regret i will for treating not good at you. and as time passed by, hung hung, qq, fen fen, all of you left me one by one. even my most beloved QQ. i sorry dear. hurt you not i will any longer.
not i left no one but briskie with me. sometime get fed up with him. du lan only know how to eat. rush to eat like hell. my fault cause always starve you. sorry... you are my only hope. although all my hamster, syrian type hamster (i forgotten her name, damn long never write blog) lost twice. i bought new one thought will replace her but both lost.
thats it. what is gone is gone. dead and gone. life has to go on. no turning back. loking back just to learn our mistake. not to look back forever. life is hard. who don't know. thanks God for giving me the feel of the real world. perhaps i not ready to face it. but its good that face it this early. if not will be too late to apologies. haha. rubbish.
following is one of my favourite phrase throughout this few weeks. don't know what does it has to do with me but i just love it.
ladies and gentlemen, enjoy it.
Waiting for your call, I'm sick, call I'm angry
call I'm desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember
Butterfly, Early Summer
It's playing on repeat, Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
Cause I was born to tell you I love you
and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take
when you are sitting next to me
will bring life into my deepest hopes
Saturday, November 22, 2008
what is going on now?
did i di wrong? why people just can't accept me. my attitude. i just being myself. wrong? my friendster, blog, non of you all come here. do you have to hate me this much. when you need my help, seek me you did. when doesn't need one, just ignore as if i wasn't exist. even though when need my help, if i can't help, outta my limit, you hate me. this is frineds. friends. thanks a lot DPR1 january 2008 intake. i learn a lot from you. your faces when talking to me. i believe if i stop doing what i shouldn't, you won't even turn your face to me anymore.
they scold me disallowing what i am doing. but i keep on doing it because of you. because i love you. but this is wht i gt. thanks a lot. i learn it. those who can't help you, ignore them. if they can help, its call friends. perhaps i shoule disappear from you. everyone happy. no more this freak guy with you. anoying you.
getting less of you. getting hate from you. i feel like want to shout out loud. you used to be close with me. but now i just like an eyesore to you. sorry if i disturb you with my apperance.
my friends? which one you talking about? true or with masks? yeah i got a lot of frineds, with masks. true? can be count with your fingers dude. i wish, could leave here, and go to somewhere, where people do not know me, will not care me. let me be myself. be what i want. happy ever after. but if i were to go this place, i would like to go with dear. i don't know why, different things happened to both of us, but i feel the same as you did. and both of our destiny is same now. we used to be quarrelling. misunderstanding. hatred is here. there. everywhere. but...
now i need you most. i wish you could be here. i know i can't accompany you anymore. that is why i sent you the ultraman. so that you can be with him, when i am not with you. but one thing, i always with you, close to you, deep nto our heart. i wish, the world is wonderful as we dream.
dear, now i realize, how much they hurt me. the efforts i put in, worth nothing.
dear, sorry for all the past. i still love you, as before, seek me if you need me. causei'll ne waiting for you. when this all happened to me, the only person i want to turn to is you dear. would you be with me? more than a friend, is what i really need. i know. i know that you can't accept me now. nor anyone. i do know. but i still will waits. i hardly love back the one i left, you are one of very few. very few. not even more than one. perhaps, second. i do not know. it is almost impossible (99%) for me to love back the one i left. and the 1% is you. i do not know how long would i have to wait. but i will. because i love you. love you. love you.
regrets?? no use.
you are the one that made me fall in love.
you are the one that make me love you this deep.
you are, also, the one hurt me most.
you are, also, the one that made me protect myself from the word 'love'.
this is what you wrote. i know. i know. what else can i do other than being sorry. crying. kneeling down, apologies.
baby, i need you more than anyone. i wish, i could turn to you when i need you most. when i most down. i wish, you were next to me, when all this happen to me.
i miss your smile.
i miss your hand when holding me.
i miss you hug when i need your warmness.
i miss your face when i first woke up from sleep.
loving you again is my choice. and now you are so far from me. i did not know where to find you. how to find you. nor when can see you do i know. but i really love you dear. i am tired. tired. tired... this is very tiring me.
they scold me disallowing what i am doing. but i keep on doing it because of you. because i love you. but this is wht i gt. thanks a lot. i learn it. those who can't help you, ignore them. if they can help, its call friends. perhaps i shoule disappear from you. everyone happy. no more this freak guy with you. anoying you.
getting less of you. getting hate from you. i feel like want to shout out loud. you used to be close with me. but now i just like an eyesore to you. sorry if i disturb you with my apperance.
my friends? which one you talking about? true or with masks? yeah i got a lot of frineds, with masks. true? can be count with your fingers dude. i wish, could leave here, and go to somewhere, where people do not know me, will not care me. let me be myself. be what i want. happy ever after. but if i were to go this place, i would like to go with dear. i don't know why, different things happened to both of us, but i feel the same as you did. and both of our destiny is same now. we used to be quarrelling. misunderstanding. hatred is here. there. everywhere. but...
now i need you most. i wish you could be here. i know i can't accompany you anymore. that is why i sent you the ultraman. so that you can be with him, when i am not with you. but one thing, i always with you, close to you, deep nto our heart. i wish, the world is wonderful as we dream.
dear, now i realize, how much they hurt me. the efforts i put in, worth nothing.
dear, sorry for all the past. i still love you, as before, seek me if you need me. causei'll ne waiting for you. when this all happened to me, the only person i want to turn to is you dear. would you be with me? more than a friend, is what i really need. i know. i know that you can't accept me now. nor anyone. i do know. but i still will waits. i hardly love back the one i left, you are one of very few. very few. not even more than one. perhaps, second. i do not know. it is almost impossible (99%) for me to love back the one i left. and the 1% is you. i do not know how long would i have to wait. but i will. because i love you. love you. love you.
regrets?? no use.
you are the one that made me fall in love.
you are the one that make me love you this deep.
you are, also, the one hurt me most.
you are, also, the one that made me protect myself from the word 'love'.
this is what you wrote. i know. i know. what else can i do other than being sorry. crying. kneeling down, apologies.
baby, i need you more than anyone. i wish, i could turn to you when i need you most. when i most down. i wish, you were next to me, when all this happen to me.
i miss your smile.
i miss your hand when holding me.
i miss you hug when i need your warmness.
i miss your face when i first woke up from sleep.
loving you again is my choice. and now you are so far from me. i did not know where to find you. how to find you. nor when can see you do i know. but i really love you dear. i am tired. tired. tired... this is very tiring me.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
crazy crazy me
from 6 Oct 08 till 25 Oct 08. barely two weeks. with 7meals of kfc and one meal of mcd.
I'm gonna die soon.i promise myself to eat clean food start from month of November. but i am starving now
don't know how long i can hold my promise as i used to broke promise easily :(
well at least i stick to Maggie :P
haih don't know why just addicted to it. but i am happy to create such wholesome record of my self :)
haih again... i lost my phone. put inside bag, went for training, bag right in front of many people.... but still lost. haih. till now i still can't accept the fact i lost it. very sad. need it so much. its a part of my life le :(
my 3rd sis gong Singapore next week. therefore everyone no money. can't buy phone liao :(
so sad but couldn't do anything. tomorrow got test for e-publishing. but i am still here. few days ago i am so keen to write blog. but i am here now. but don't know why just not in the mood.
haih. miss my sister a lot. she going to Singapore. but don't know when coming back. eldest sister married liao eventually. another sister went manila...
don't know when.... don't know when.. i fell in love with her again. this time, real. i really regret what happened last time.
because of me, you hurt a lot. and lost trust in me - and love.
i know its all my fault. i know this is all because of me. I'm sorry baby. i know my apologies is nothing to you. my promise is no more value to you.
only you can accept my wrong. i really regret for my stupidity last time. baby, i am wrong... please accept my apologies... there is no one else can forgive me but you.
this time i won't let you go anymore. although you may hurt me, but i have decided. because i hurt you too much, even this is karma or something, i deserve it. i deserve to be punish. i deserve to be fine for not treating you right and appreciate you. baby... what can i do to gain trust in you, again?
but i know nothing. nothing can cure your heart liao. i know. but still, i will wait you right here. just for you. i know, you are true to me. that is why i understood that you are the right girl for me.
you made me realize what true love is.
you made me understood what loyal means.
you made me know what sacrifice it is.
thanks a lot baby. if i could have a chance, i would treat you with all my heart. as before.
frequently, i don't know weather to contact you or not. i afraid will disturb your mind. at the same time i want to care for you. but..... i afraid its too late......
baby..... i really hope one day, things will as before. the moment we spend at canten2 foyer. i really happy. even it make my tears drop... but it still worth it. i believe. i believe in you. that you will finally accept me. but no one knows when.
i don't know how long can i wait. but i will wait as long as i can breath. i know, my words wasn't powerful as yours... i always claimed to be a good writer... but now, my hand is all freeze that i don't know what to write. my mind is all blank thinking about you. i really don't know what should i do...
even i may have to wait a long time, i shall wait. because you are worth me waiting for. i miss you baby. lots of lots love from dear. thanks baby for everything. you taught me a lot of things. your care is what i dream for every night. hopefully, i can see you again.
love you baby.
take care.
I'm gonna die soon.i promise myself to eat clean food start from month of November. but i am starving now
don't know how long i can hold my promise as i used to broke promise easily :(
well at least i stick to Maggie :P
haih don't know why just addicted to it. but i am happy to create such wholesome record of my self :)
haih again... i lost my phone. put inside bag, went for training, bag right in front of many people.... but still lost. haih. till now i still can't accept the fact i lost it. very sad. need it so much. its a part of my life le :(
my 3rd sis gong Singapore next week. therefore everyone no money. can't buy phone liao :(
so sad but couldn't do anything. tomorrow got test for e-publishing. but i am still here. few days ago i am so keen to write blog. but i am here now. but don't know why just not in the mood.
haih. miss my sister a lot. she going to Singapore. but don't know when coming back. eldest sister married liao eventually. another sister went manila...
don't know when.... don't know when.. i fell in love with her again. this time, real. i really regret what happened last time.
because of me, you hurt a lot. and lost trust in me - and love.
i know its all my fault. i know this is all because of me. I'm sorry baby. i know my apologies is nothing to you. my promise is no more value to you.
only you can accept my wrong. i really regret for my stupidity last time. baby, i am wrong... please accept my apologies... there is no one else can forgive me but you.
this time i won't let you go anymore. although you may hurt me, but i have decided. because i hurt you too much, even this is karma or something, i deserve it. i deserve to be punish. i deserve to be fine for not treating you right and appreciate you. baby... what can i do to gain trust in you, again?
but i know nothing. nothing can cure your heart liao. i know. but still, i will wait you right here. just for you. i know, you are true to me. that is why i understood that you are the right girl for me.
you made me realize what true love is.
you made me understood what loyal means.
you made me know what sacrifice it is.
thanks a lot baby. if i could have a chance, i would treat you with all my heart. as before.
frequently, i don't know weather to contact you or not. i afraid will disturb your mind. at the same time i want to care for you. but..... i afraid its too late......
baby..... i really hope one day, things will as before. the moment we spend at canten2 foyer. i really happy. even it make my tears drop... but it still worth it. i believe. i believe in you. that you will finally accept me. but no one knows when.
i don't know how long can i wait. but i will wait as long as i can breath. i know, my words wasn't powerful as yours... i always claimed to be a good writer... but now, my hand is all freeze that i don't know what to write. my mind is all blank thinking about you. i really don't know what should i do...
even i may have to wait a long time, i shall wait. because you are worth me waiting for. i miss you baby. lots of lots love from dear. thanks baby for everything. you taught me a lot of things. your care is what i dream for every night. hopefully, i can see you again.
love you baby.
take care.
crazy me...
from 6 Oct 08 till 25 Oct 08. barely two weeks. with 7meals of kfc and one meal of mcd.
I'm gonna die soon.i promise myself to eat clean food start from month of November. but i am starving now
don't know how long i can hold my promise as i used to broke promise easily :(
well at least i stick to Maggie :P
haih don't know why just addicted to it. but i am happy to create such wholesome record of my self :)
haih again... i lost my phone. put inside bag, went for training, bag right in front of many people.... but still lost. haih. till now i still can't accept the fact i lost it. very sad. need it so much. its a part of my life le :(
my 3rd sis gong Singapore next week. therefore everyone no money. can't buy phone liao :(
so sad but couldn't do anything. tomorrow got test for e-publishing. but i am still here. few days ago i am so keen to write blog. but i am here now. but don't know why just not in the mood.
haih. miss my sister a lot. she going to Singapore. but don't know when coming back. eldest sister married liao eventually. another sister went manila...
don't know when.... don't know when.. i fell in love with her again. this time, real. i really regret what happened last time.
because of me, you hurt a lot. and lost trust in me - and love.
i know its all my fault. i know this is all because of me. I'm sorry baby. i know my apologies is nothing to you. my promise is no more value to you.
only you can accept my wrong. i really regret for my stupidity last time. baby, i am wrong... please accept my apologies... there is no one else can forgive me but you.
this time i won't let you go anymore. although you may hurt me, but i have decided. because i hurt you too much, even this is karma or something, i deserve it. i deserve to be punish. i deserve to be fine for not treating you right and appreciate you. baby... what can i do to gain trust in you, again?
but i know nothing. nothing can cure your heart liao. i know. but still, i will wait you right here. just for you. i know, you are true to me. that is why i understood that you are the right girl for me.
you made me realize what true love is.
you made me understood what loyal means.
you made me know what sacrifice it is.
thanks a lot baby. if i could have a chance, i would treat you with all my heart. as before.
frequently, i don't know weather to contact you or not. i afraid will disturb your mind. at the same time i want to care for you. but..... i afraid its too late......
baby..... i really hope one day, things will as before. the moment we spend at canten2 foyer. i really happy. even it make my tears drop... but it still worth it. i believe. i believe in you. that you will finally accept me. but no one knows when.
i don't know how long can i wait. but i will wait as long as i can breath. i know, my words wasn't powerful as yours... i always claimed to be a good writer... but now, my hand is all freeze that i don't know what to write. my mind is all blank thinking about you. i really don't know what should i do...
even i may have to wait a long time, i shall wait. because you are worth me waiting for. i miss you baby. lots of lots love from dear. thanks baby for everything. you taught me a lot of things. your care is what i dream for every night. hopefully, i can see you again.
love you baby.
take care.
I'm gonna die soon.i promise myself to eat clean food start from month of November. but i am starving now
don't know how long i can hold my promise as i used to broke promise easily :(
well at least i stick to Maggie :P
haih don't know why just addicted to it. but i am happy to create such wholesome record of my self :)
haih again... i lost my phone. put inside bag, went for training, bag right in front of many people.... but still lost. haih. till now i still can't accept the fact i lost it. very sad. need it so much. its a part of my life le :(
my 3rd sis gong Singapore next week. therefore everyone no money. can't buy phone liao :(
so sad but couldn't do anything. tomorrow got test for e-publishing. but i am still here. few days ago i am so keen to write blog. but i am here now. but don't know why just not in the mood.
haih. miss my sister a lot. she going to Singapore. but don't know when coming back. eldest sister married liao eventually. another sister went manila...
don't know when.... don't know when.. i fell in love with her again. this time, real. i really regret what happened last time.
because of me, you hurt a lot. and lost trust in me - and love.
i know its all my fault. i know this is all because of me. I'm sorry baby. i know my apologies is nothing to you. my promise is no more value to you.
only you can accept my wrong. i really regret for my stupidity last time. baby, i am wrong... please accept my apologies... there is no one else can forgive me but you.
this time i won't let you go anymore. although you may hurt me, but i have decided. because i hurt you too much, even this is karma or something, i deserve it. i deserve to be punish. i deserve to be fine for not treating you right and appreciate you. baby... what can i do to gain trust in you, again?
but i know nothing. nothing can cure your heart liao. i know. but still, i will wait you right here. just for you. i know, you are true to me. that is why i understood that you are the right girl for me.
you made me realize what true love is.
you made me understood what loyal means.
you made me know what sacrifice it is.
thanks a lot baby. if i could have a chance, i would treat you with all my heart. as before.
frequently, i don't know weather to contact you or not. i afraid will disturb your mind. at the same time i want to care for you. but..... i afraid its too late......
baby..... i really hope one day, things will as before. the moment we spend at canten2 foyer. i really happy. even it make my tears drop... but it still worth it. i believe. i believe in you. that you will finally accept me. but no one knows when.
i don't know how long can i wait. but i will wait as long as i can breath. i know, my words wasn't powerful as yours... i always claimed to be a good writer... but now, my hand is all freeze that i don't know what to write. my mind is all blank thinking about you. i really don't know what should i do...
even i may have to wait a long time, i shall wait. because you are worth me waiting for. i miss you baby. lots of lots love from dear. thanks baby for everything. you taught me a lot of things. your care is what i dream for every night. hopefully, i can see you again.
love you baby.
take care.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
the departure of Jay and Jolin
5 oct08. she left me. left me right front of my very own eyes. why you did that to her. i always think for you good. that is why i don't want you to be alone. because i know the feeling of lonely is terrible. because i had gone through it alone. because i love you so much i can't stand seeing my beloved suffer the same path that i've walked. but why you didn't appreciate the price that i paid for you? do you know ho much i've gone to get you both together?
your lost in my heart seems to give me a very big impact. i thought i succeed but i didn't. your existed in my life bring joy and happiness in my world although i know you are hard to control. and tend to neglect me even how good i treat you. but that doesn't stop me. because i love you so much.
why. why must this happen to me. why me?? your lost make me feel i am such a useless. i can't even take good care of you.i feel so disappointed with myself. and i have no guts to have you again. maybe some time in the future but definitely not now. until the day i wake up from this nightmare that you gave me.
i'm really sorry for causing our separation but please believe me i never meant so. i really want to be with you as long i can and before you exhale your last breath. why. why would you do this to me. i had totally lost my confident in having you again. but baby, i really hope to be with you again. i really miss you a lot. losing you is a big shock to me which i can't accept until now. i really miss you baby. please, give me the guts to meet you again. i may seems happy but i'm not. deep into my heart, i am crying everytime i think about you. i couldn't believe same thing happened to me, again. this time, both. the first time, i promise him that i will not, never, cause any separation in the future. but... i failed...
6 oct you left me. just because she left you, i really mad at you. i thought you were the one who caused her to left you, and me. i really hate you that time so much. but i never want you to left me also. one day after she left us. yes i am very angry about you because you didn't appreciate my serve and you betray her by imitating with other feminine. why. why you left me eventually. i really can't accept it. i told everyone its your fault. but soon after you left, i realize it was actually my fault.
my fault not treating you the best i could.
my fault for treating you the same as other.
my fault for not being understanding to you.
my fault for misunderstood you.
my fault for being too careless to you.
baby, darling, please forgive me. i really sorry for the lost of you both. believe me, i still sad about your death.
jay died
jolin struggling to survive
may you both rest in peace. sorry i didn't take good care of you. until i caused you both's death. may God bless you both. have a wonderful next life. and do remember help me take care of others babies too. hope to see you both soon.
yes. one is jay the other is jolin. i thought they both could live happily together til old. but i never know the rain comes during a heaty day. i really love you guys a lot. its my dream to have you guys. but sorry i could hold on to my promise. sorry. first you bit her to death right in front of my very own eyes. i can't believe you. i really hate you to the root that time. you even bit me when i wanted to punish you.
soon after your death, i realized that maybe you just want to lighten the burden of jolin that is why you don't want to see her suffering and make a very hard decision of bitting her. sorry i misunderstood you about that. thanks to jolin because after her death, she come into my mind and communicate with my heart through her souls. she told me its not your fault. you just trying to lighten her suffering because you love her too much that you don't want her to struggle anymore.
perhaps its my mistake that caused this. to be honest, the day before, one of you came out and ate dust. i don't know you really ate it or not. because i really don't know which one is you. but most of them believe that both of your death is caused by food poisoning. they said you both not use to the food i gave you. qq, fen fen, fui fui,hung hung may consume it as usual. perhaps their body stronger.
sorry i didn't alert enough. i also forgotten that cabbage is not consumable anymore. cause it keep too long in a fridge. i'm sorry. but sorry can't cure. hopefully i can meet you both some time in the future. sorry jay. sorry jolin. i don't mean to hurt you both. enjoy your next time. please forgive me.
your lost in my heart seems to give me a very big impact. i thought i succeed but i didn't. your existed in my life bring joy and happiness in my world although i know you are hard to control. and tend to neglect me even how good i treat you. but that doesn't stop me. because i love you so much.
why. why must this happen to me. why me?? your lost make me feel i am such a useless. i can't even take good care of you.i feel so disappointed with myself. and i have no guts to have you again. maybe some time in the future but definitely not now. until the day i wake up from this nightmare that you gave me.
i'm really sorry for causing our separation but please believe me i never meant so. i really want to be with you as long i can and before you exhale your last breath. why. why would you do this to me. i had totally lost my confident in having you again. but baby, i really hope to be with you again. i really miss you a lot. losing you is a big shock to me which i can't accept until now. i really miss you baby. please, give me the guts to meet you again. i may seems happy but i'm not. deep into my heart, i am crying everytime i think about you. i couldn't believe same thing happened to me, again. this time, both. the first time, i promise him that i will not, never, cause any separation in the future. but... i failed...
6 oct you left me. just because she left you, i really mad at you. i thought you were the one who caused her to left you, and me. i really hate you that time so much. but i never want you to left me also. one day after she left us. yes i am very angry about you because you didn't appreciate my serve and you betray her by imitating with other feminine. why. why you left me eventually. i really can't accept it. i told everyone its your fault. but soon after you left, i realize it was actually my fault.
my fault not treating you the best i could.
my fault for treating you the same as other.
my fault for not being understanding to you.
my fault for misunderstood you.
my fault for being too careless to you.
baby, darling, please forgive me. i really sorry for the lost of you both. believe me, i still sad about your death.
jay died
jolin struggling to survive
may you both rest in peace. sorry i didn't take good care of you. until i caused you both's death. may God bless you both. have a wonderful next life. and do remember help me take care of others babies too. hope to see you both soon.
yes. one is jay the other is jolin. i thought they both could live happily together til old. but i never know the rain comes during a heaty day. i really love you guys a lot. its my dream to have you guys. but sorry i could hold on to my promise. sorry. first you bit her to death right in front of my very own eyes. i can't believe you. i really hate you to the root that time. you even bit me when i wanted to punish you.
soon after your death, i realized that maybe you just want to lighten the burden of jolin that is why you don't want to see her suffering and make a very hard decision of bitting her. sorry i misunderstood you about that. thanks to jolin because after her death, she come into my mind and communicate with my heart through her souls. she told me its not your fault. you just trying to lighten her suffering because you love her too much that you don't want her to struggle anymore.
perhaps its my mistake that caused this. to be honest, the day before, one of you came out and ate dust. i don't know you really ate it or not. because i really don't know which one is you. but most of them believe that both of your death is caused by food poisoning. they said you both not use to the food i gave you. qq, fen fen, fui fui,hung hung may consume it as usual. perhaps their body stronger.
sorry i didn't alert enough. i also forgotten that cabbage is not consumable anymore. cause it keep too long in a fridge. i'm sorry. but sorry can't cure. hopefully i can meet you both some time in the future. sorry jay. sorry jolin. i don't mean to hurt you both. enjoy your next time. please forgive me.
Monday, June 23, 2008
back to blogging for today only
yesterday, 21st june 2008. exactly one month ago is the day we've been separate and go on with our own path. that is also means you had decided to leave me after all the misunderstood and problems that occur between us. i knew that leaving me is not what you wish to do. but choice weren't much to make. yet decision has to be made for both of our good. and i respect your decision because i love you and i don't want to hurt you anymore. all this while i have been treat you with all my soul and heart. because i have already found the girl that i really want to be with forever. but things didn't turn the way we wanted to. and matters are jealous with our strong love bond we had create. therefore it tend to ruins our relationship. blame no one but i know its my fault that caused this all. i know i shouldn't even think about it. but i already thought about it. this is what i regretted but its too late to apologies. yes you are right. mummy was right too. not many people understand the meaning of emotional infidelity. its not the action, but the thought that counts. why i didn't think about all this? am i too simple minded guy?? if i were, sorry for not being the perfect man you wanted to. i wish i could but my past had created what am i today. perhaps I'm too dumb for all that. i wish one day i will be.
since the day you left me, people seeing you as in you had change dramatically. no you are not i knew it. you just being yourself. want you want to do all this while. perhaps all this while when i with you, you don't feel right to do it because don't want to hurt me. thanks baby. and i;m deeply apologies if my appearance in your life had create a barrier between you and yourself. people tend to misunderstood you and I've tried to explain but nothing much seems work. enough is enough. they couldn't understand you like i do in this way.
what had past is past. English saying... yesterday was history. tomorrow was mystery. today is gift. enjoy it and appreciate every single thing He gave you and do not regret with what you do. therefore think before you do. but why i don't even fulfill any requirement above??? i always didn't think before i do. i blame myself for not treating you right. for not appreciate you enough. why am i so foolish letting go the girl that i love the most. the girl that gave me everything i need. the girl that gave me all she have. why. why. there is nothing i should say anymore.
i wish i could turn back time to correct my mistake. just that error ruins our relationship. I'm truly sorry baby. as you are the best girl in my life. and I'm so proud to call you my girl. why i keep repeating the same mistake over and over??? why i couldn't learn from mistake??? why only when i had lost you only know how to appreciate you?? why am i so dumb. can you just give me your hand over my face? i think i must wake up. perhaps i have been winning all the time. its time for me to learn what is the losing taste. learn from losing. losing is the key to success. but why am i always failed in my relationship?? i am very frustrated and disappointed in myself. how can i didn't appreciate you well enough. why i can make such idiotic decision. why.
i still and always remember what you told me. and you should know how i feel when you say those memorable magical words to me. forever and always. i seems to be ignoring you. but the fact is, I'm too afraid to see you. i couldn't stand seeing our heart so near yet so far. that is the hardest thing i could ever face. and i have to stand with it. every time i see you, i recall the moments we spend together as couple. being with you i can ask for no more. and its the best thing He would've gave me. every moment i spend with you is the moment i treasure. its not that i don't want to open my heart for others. is i couldn't forget you. everything i do, it seems you were with me. but i know you are not. how i wish, you were there for me every time i need you.
at genting we started. at genting we ended. how beautiful our love had been. how much obstacles we have gone through as a couple. and how much love we had express to each other. why my tears still forming? i don't know. perhaps, i still love you. its already one month. you are still exist in my heart. perhaps, it'll stay there for a long term. maybe forever? who knows. i am no one to care you. no one to speak. as there is much more others to care and speak to you. why. why you giving me this feeling. perhaps I'm too understand you?? hope I'm not. i hope one day you will come and tell the truth. even the truth is hurt. so that i will know the truth. what you have been thinking. but please. i don't want to.
my friends wouldn't want me to do anything for you. but its even hurt my heart. i saw the one that i love suffering. but i can't do much. she is wondering but i couldn't do much to answer her doubt. its not that i listen to my friends. they just do it for my good. and they were right. who am i to do all this thing. your friends should had done that earlier. they should be the one who cares for you. i am no one. no one. if you still love me, my care is care. my word is real. but if you doesn't love me, my cares is annoying. and my words, are rubbish. therefore, how i know what to do. i;m in dilemma. to do or not to do. perhaps i really have lots of thing to learn about you. that is why i couldn't figure out what you were thinking. no one can help me. no one there to advice me. I'm death.
I've learn t. sometimes, things needn't to mention or repeat. if you know it, you'll feel it. repeating it just will make one felt annoying. and the less those words been spoken, the more meaningful it will be. the meaning of love is not as simple as one can see, feel or even think it is. it has thousand of hidden meaning. some will find it wonderful. because they had found their true love. some may hate it because they found it terrible. and me. its true love. you thought what love means. what care is. and how important we meant to each other. friends tell me to go on with lives. its not the end of my life. but its the end of a beautiful love with a wonderful girl. how i wish i could have you once again. and i wouldn't let you go. wouldn't do anything that may harm you. and gonna treat you really right.
i do not want to go for others because i still have you in my heart. and i don't want to hurt others because i know they are just replacement of come one that can't be replace.indeed. in fact, i still have strong feel on you. but i have learn one thing. to love you for who you are. and to cope with your life style. i guess I'm getting it on me. i would not like to say it for many. but just for once and for all. i still miss you baby. and i still waiting. loving you is great experience. having you is the best gift. being with you is what He have me. now and always i will be loving you.
first greatest thing in the world is for you to love someone. second is for that person to love you back. and how wonderful it is when the third greatest, is for the first and second happen at the same time. this is what we call faith.
there is a lot more for me to say. but no matter how long i write or how much i talk, nothing can be replace these words.i love you.
since the day you left me, people seeing you as in you had change dramatically. no you are not i knew it. you just being yourself. want you want to do all this while. perhaps all this while when i with you, you don't feel right to do it because don't want to hurt me. thanks baby. and i;m deeply apologies if my appearance in your life had create a barrier between you and yourself. people tend to misunderstood you and I've tried to explain but nothing much seems work. enough is enough. they couldn't understand you like i do in this way.
what had past is past. English saying... yesterday was history. tomorrow was mystery. today is gift. enjoy it and appreciate every single thing He gave you and do not regret with what you do. therefore think before you do. but why i don't even fulfill any requirement above??? i always didn't think before i do. i blame myself for not treating you right. for not appreciate you enough. why am i so foolish letting go the girl that i love the most. the girl that gave me everything i need. the girl that gave me all she have. why. why. there is nothing i should say anymore.
i wish i could turn back time to correct my mistake. just that error ruins our relationship. I'm truly sorry baby. as you are the best girl in my life. and I'm so proud to call you my girl. why i keep repeating the same mistake over and over??? why i couldn't learn from mistake??? why only when i had lost you only know how to appreciate you?? why am i so dumb. can you just give me your hand over my face? i think i must wake up. perhaps i have been winning all the time. its time for me to learn what is the losing taste. learn from losing. losing is the key to success. but why am i always failed in my relationship?? i am very frustrated and disappointed in myself. how can i didn't appreciate you well enough. why i can make such idiotic decision. why.
i still and always remember what you told me. and you should know how i feel when you say those memorable magical words to me. forever and always. i seems to be ignoring you. but the fact is, I'm too afraid to see you. i couldn't stand seeing our heart so near yet so far. that is the hardest thing i could ever face. and i have to stand with it. every time i see you, i recall the moments we spend together as couple. being with you i can ask for no more. and its the best thing He would've gave me. every moment i spend with you is the moment i treasure. its not that i don't want to open my heart for others. is i couldn't forget you. everything i do, it seems you were with me. but i know you are not. how i wish, you were there for me every time i need you.
at genting we started. at genting we ended. how beautiful our love had been. how much obstacles we have gone through as a couple. and how much love we had express to each other. why my tears still forming? i don't know. perhaps, i still love you. its already one month. you are still exist in my heart. perhaps, it'll stay there for a long term. maybe forever? who knows. i am no one to care you. no one to speak. as there is much more others to care and speak to you. why. why you giving me this feeling. perhaps I'm too understand you?? hope I'm not. i hope one day you will come and tell the truth. even the truth is hurt. so that i will know the truth. what you have been thinking. but please. i don't want to.
my friends wouldn't want me to do anything for you. but its even hurt my heart. i saw the one that i love suffering. but i can't do much. she is wondering but i couldn't do much to answer her doubt. its not that i listen to my friends. they just do it for my good. and they were right. who am i to do all this thing. your friends should had done that earlier. they should be the one who cares for you. i am no one. no one. if you still love me, my care is care. my word is real. but if you doesn't love me, my cares is annoying. and my words, are rubbish. therefore, how i know what to do. i;m in dilemma. to do or not to do. perhaps i really have lots of thing to learn about you. that is why i couldn't figure out what you were thinking. no one can help me. no one there to advice me. I'm death.
I've learn t. sometimes, things needn't to mention or repeat. if you know it, you'll feel it. repeating it just will make one felt annoying. and the less those words been spoken, the more meaningful it will be. the meaning of love is not as simple as one can see, feel or even think it is. it has thousand of hidden meaning. some will find it wonderful. because they had found their true love. some may hate it because they found it terrible. and me. its true love. you thought what love means. what care is. and how important we meant to each other. friends tell me to go on with lives. its not the end of my life. but its the end of a beautiful love with a wonderful girl. how i wish i could have you once again. and i wouldn't let you go. wouldn't do anything that may harm you. and gonna treat you really right.
i do not want to go for others because i still have you in my heart. and i don't want to hurt others because i know they are just replacement of come one that can't be replace.indeed. in fact, i still have strong feel on you. but i have learn one thing. to love you for who you are. and to cope with your life style. i guess I'm getting it on me. i would not like to say it for many. but just for once and for all. i still miss you baby. and i still waiting. loving you is great experience. having you is the best gift. being with you is what He have me. now and always i will be loving you.
first greatest thing in the world is for you to love someone. second is for that person to love you back. and how wonderful it is when the third greatest, is for the first and second happen at the same time. this is what we call faith.
there is a lot more for me to say. but no matter how long i write or how much i talk, nothing can be replace these words.i love you.
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