the end of my world again...

it has been really long time since i last write blog. well, graduated successfully but not greatly. didnt even achieve 3.0 GCPA. disappointed. from 2.99 drop to 2.91. haih... ruined my diploma. swear gonna work hard in advance. this is not the reason i write blog. what else move me to write blog besides love? im bored of it now. so do my fellow bloggers.


WHAT IS LOVE?

YOU'RE LIKE THE NORTH POLE OF A MAGNET BAR, AND HE IS ALSO LIKE A NORTH POLE OF A MAGNET BAR

THERE IS NO WAY FOR BOTH OF YOU TO BE CLOSE TOGETHER.

THERE'S A FORCE THAT'LL ALWAYS PUSH YOU BOTH APART. THIS FORCE IS CALLED THE OBSTACLE, LIKE INTEREST DIFFERENCES, COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS, AND ETC.

HOWEVER, IF YOU PUT A METAL BAR IN BETWEEN, BOTH YOUR MAGNETS WILL STICK TO IT

AND, YOU'LL BE CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.

THE METAL BAR DISSOLVES THE FORCE THAT PUSHES BOTH OF YOU AWAY.

THAT METAL BAR IS WHAT WE CALLED...

L.O.V.E.

REMEMBER : To be happy, either you change the world, or you change your thinking. To be realistic, you have to change your thinking to be happy.

BUT, ME, I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD FOR YOU


this happen to me again. when all hopes seems to lost, you gave me new hope. i felt like im awake from long sleep. the sleeps where dreams wont come true. but you made that dream come true. we didnt knew each other longer. and yet we manage to pull us together. from the beginning, i already expect all these to happen. and im ready to face all these obstacles.
when i found you, i knew i found the right person for myself. but i didnt know that im not the right person for you. when things seems goes well and smooth for me, it did not happen the same to you. when all my hopes and prayers i gave to you, you took it away in the speed of lighting. although all the reasons you gave me is the same as my past, but i'll never treat you the same as the past. you are my brand new world. you shed lights in my darkness. you gave new hopes for my long lost world. and you made me sweet dream when im having worst nightmare.

you are the first person that made me trustworthy again. you are the one that made me feel worthiness. the time may have been short but its more than enough. although we may look each other from far, but i felt instant happiness in myself. although i can only stare at you for a seconds, but it already make my heart gloom. each day my feeling grow deeper for you. and only when i realize i fall too much to you, things were too late to turn bad.

i couldnt live my life the way i did before. i no longer felt the same. the trauma hunt me back. despite all my efforts, now go down the drain just of my mistakes. when can i get rid of my mistakes. when can i be better for you. when, only when, the metal bar we called love, can dissolves the obstacles between us.

i work so hard to develop my feelings to you. i miss you the moment we hang up. and i think of you everynight before i sleep. and i waking up every morning by saying "good morning dear *kiss you on the lips* "

again, you are the one and first who i shed my tears for in this whole brand new world. when all seems to begin, its only the starting of the ending. i wish, a single SORRY and TAKE CARE, will ever cure the wound in my heart. you cure my old wound, and create a new one. i never regret being with you. even though i didnt manage to hold you. and i never blame you for whatever that happened between us. why am i still so dull that i couldnt find the metal bar to place it between us. or it never exist as whwat people always talk about it.

the only thing i regret for ever, is i didnt take the chance to hold your hand for the first and last time last sunday, 14 march 2010. even just less than a second. it would be sweet enough for me. i wish, i can be there to comfort you when you are down and sad. i wish, i would be the one you see the moment you open your eyes eevry morning. i wish, i would hug you to sleep every night. perhaps, all this is again, a dream. all this while ive been in another fantasy dream. please God, please wake me up. please give me the strength to wake up from this fantasy world. i didnt wake up at all. it just happen to me that i woke up in another nightmares.

only God knows how much i love you. only God knows how much you meant to me. and only God knows how i dont meant to hurt you. im sorry i made you feel pressured. im sorry that i disappointed you. im sorry that we didnt understand each other. im sorry that i act this way that you think i did not understands you. im sorry, for being in such way that it makes you think i pressure you. im sorry. but i knew its too late. i just cant accept things gonna end when it just seems to be beginning. i still dont believe what happened. never would i accept it.

im lost, again. im fall, again. and i lose the person i love most, again. all this while im doing were wrong. mistakes. unforgiveable. every single of your words tears my heart apart. i couldnt imagine those words came out from your mouth. i couldnt believe that you think that way. i couldnt believe i failed you, again.