Right Here Waiting For You

Again... I wait you alone here. All by myself. I cant get to you. And I dont know how I can get to you. So my only choice was wait. No matter how long or how far, I wont let it be my excuse. If you cant get to me, i'll get to you instead. Nothing shall stop me from seeing you. Because I love you so much, i'll travel to a place i've never been jus to see u for a moment. Because you worth it. There is no need for me to vow I love you. Cos everything I do, I do it for you. Because I love you. I'm here, alone, waiting for your come back.

From the bottom of my heart with love.

L.O.V.E. I.S. B.L.I.N.D.

What is the meaning of love is blind?

- it means when you knew you going to lose it, but you still put yourself into it,
- you still commit fully into it
- you still sacrifice without thinking

= that means you're blind.

When every signal shows you the warning, you still head into it, = you're blind.

When you know something is not going to happen, but you still work it out, = you're blind.

When you know you're such a failure at it, but yet you put so much efforts to fix it, = you're blind.


Tell me, im a plain idiot.

Tell me, this is unboundable love.


When i know its going to end, why i still wants to start it?

When i know nothing can stop it from happen, why i still trying?

When everything seems to going backward, why am i the onle one pushing forward?


Yes, once again, im standing at the edge of cliff.
No one pulled me from the edge.
No one save me from the height.
No one, gonna help me.

Im there all alone from the beginning. Or i just hope too much?

Im selfish, or im foolish.

If you leave me at night, i'll wake up alone
dont tell me that i will make it on my own.

If you leave me tonight, this heart of stone will sing til it die
if you leave me tonight


From the beginning, you wont understand my pain. You wont.

Im sorry that i didnt understand you.
Im sorry that i make it difficult for you.
Im sorry that i couldnt be perfect for you.

AND

Im sorry that i love you

it come and go, like it always been

me, in my so called office in WMAC. a total fcuked up company that gonna close any second. with the matter of the politics involved in the management, and the small soldiers who faught like cow yet didnt get paid. thats bullshit. a company with a phone line, but couldnt make a call out, cause didnt pay telephone bill. whats next? cut off water? electricity? another sore shit. is that gonna happen, then only this whole shit gonna dissolve? and to what extent i have to bear all the consequences?
mind you i did not know a shit til i reach here. yet, shit is all over my body. when i was down, where were you. arent you concern about me? when i need you most, where were you?
i hope, one day i just woke up, and God will tell me

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE. THAT IS WHY IM TAKING YOU WITH ME

when all hopes gone. you came into my life and restore it. when im at the edge of cliff, you pull me back fron the raging waves. when im near the fire, you set it off to save me, and i realize that you gave me warmth.

well that was what i thought at first. it turns out, no one restore my hope. i just happen to fall asleep. you did not pull me from cliff. you just pass by by the road side and laugh at me saying IDIOT ASS. and you are the one who kick me from the back, thanks. you set off the fire, but you didnt give me warmth. it was daylight and you scolded me said i shouldnt open fire as it contribute to global warming.

in the end, it just me who thinks too much. thinking that i would have another chance. but its all just a dream. i woke up. and i walk all the way to the cliff, again. but this time, another you appear. you did pull me away from the cliff, but... you didnt stop me from commit suicide with another approached. i rather die without you. but you werent belongs to me from the beginning. im just not good enough

the end of my world again...

it has been really long time since i last write blog. well, graduated successfully but not greatly. didnt even achieve 3.0 GCPA. disappointed. from 2.99 drop to 2.91. haih... ruined my diploma. swear gonna work hard in advance. this is not the reason i write blog. what else move me to write blog besides love? im bored of it now. so do my fellow bloggers.


WHAT IS LOVE?

YOU'RE LIKE THE NORTH POLE OF A MAGNET BAR, AND HE IS ALSO LIKE A NORTH POLE OF A MAGNET BAR

THERE IS NO WAY FOR BOTH OF YOU TO BE CLOSE TOGETHER.

THERE'S A FORCE THAT'LL ALWAYS PUSH YOU BOTH APART. THIS FORCE IS CALLED THE OBSTACLE, LIKE INTEREST DIFFERENCES, COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS, AND ETC.

HOWEVER, IF YOU PUT A METAL BAR IN BETWEEN, BOTH YOUR MAGNETS WILL STICK TO IT

AND, YOU'LL BE CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.

THE METAL BAR DISSOLVES THE FORCE THAT PUSHES BOTH OF YOU AWAY.

THAT METAL BAR IS WHAT WE CALLED...

L.O.V.E.

REMEMBER : To be happy, either you change the world, or you change your thinking. To be realistic, you have to change your thinking to be happy.

BUT, ME, I WILL CHANGE THE WORLD FOR YOU


this happen to me again. when all hopes seems to lost, you gave me new hope. i felt like im awake from long sleep. the sleeps where dreams wont come true. but you made that dream come true. we didnt knew each other longer. and yet we manage to pull us together. from the beginning, i already expect all these to happen. and im ready to face all these obstacles.
when i found you, i knew i found the right person for myself. but i didnt know that im not the right person for you. when things seems goes well and smooth for me, it did not happen the same to you. when all my hopes and prayers i gave to you, you took it away in the speed of lighting. although all the reasons you gave me is the same as my past, but i'll never treat you the same as the past. you are my brand new world. you shed lights in my darkness. you gave new hopes for my long lost world. and you made me sweet dream when im having worst nightmare.

you are the first person that made me trustworthy again. you are the one that made me feel worthiness. the time may have been short but its more than enough. although we may look each other from far, but i felt instant happiness in myself. although i can only stare at you for a seconds, but it already make my heart gloom. each day my feeling grow deeper for you. and only when i realize i fall too much to you, things were too late to turn bad.

i couldnt live my life the way i did before. i no longer felt the same. the trauma hunt me back. despite all my efforts, now go down the drain just of my mistakes. when can i get rid of my mistakes. when can i be better for you. when, only when, the metal bar we called love, can dissolves the obstacles between us.

i work so hard to develop my feelings to you. i miss you the moment we hang up. and i think of you everynight before i sleep. and i waking up every morning by saying "good morning dear *kiss you on the lips* "

again, you are the one and first who i shed my tears for in this whole brand new world. when all seems to begin, its only the starting of the ending. i wish, a single SORRY and TAKE CARE, will ever cure the wound in my heart. you cure my old wound, and create a new one. i never regret being with you. even though i didnt manage to hold you. and i never blame you for whatever that happened between us. why am i still so dull that i couldnt find the metal bar to place it between us. or it never exist as whwat people always talk about it.

the only thing i regret for ever, is i didnt take the chance to hold your hand for the first and last time last sunday, 14 march 2010. even just less than a second. it would be sweet enough for me. i wish, i can be there to comfort you when you are down and sad. i wish, i would be the one you see the moment you open your eyes eevry morning. i wish, i would hug you to sleep every night. perhaps, all this is again, a dream. all this while ive been in another fantasy dream. please God, please wake me up. please give me the strength to wake up from this fantasy world. i didnt wake up at all. it just happen to me that i woke up in another nightmares.

only God knows how much i love you. only God knows how much you meant to me. and only God knows how i dont meant to hurt you. im sorry i made you feel pressured. im sorry that i disappointed you. im sorry that we didnt understand each other. im sorry that i act this way that you think i did not understands you. im sorry, for being in such way that it makes you think i pressure you. im sorry. but i knew its too late. i just cant accept things gonna end when it just seems to be beginning. i still dont believe what happened. never would i accept it.

im lost, again. im fall, again. and i lose the person i love most, again. all this while im doing were wrong. mistakes. unforgiveable. every single of your words tears my heart apart. i couldnt imagine those words came out from your mouth. i couldnt believe that you think that way. i couldnt believe i failed you, again.

its been awhile

its been a while since i got this feeling (i got a feeling - bep). and i dont know when it will end. somehow, i figure it out the beginning. he suddenly turn away from me. away away away. far far away. i wasn't confident i would be able to keep up with him or not. or even i can have a plce in his heart or not. it seems like, im gone. no, HE gone. but its a good thing. i cant always rely on him. i've got to live on my own. someday later. perhaps now its the right time. he no longer avaiable for me. no longer care me. i have to live on my own. i couldnt thank him more than this. he had no doubt, help me when im up or down. im am a product of him. without him, i would be worse. officially send my thankfulness to him here. although im sure he wont be reading this, cause he dont like to read.

if you ever ask me, who is the first and only guy that made you shed your tears for him, he will be my only answer. because of him i am who am i today. without him, im just a pile of junk. piece of shit. i couldnt elaborate more what he had help me, yet he is so humble. i couldnt further explain what he had done to me. there are... too much to count from... and i couldnt remember too. i just can say that he is very helpful all these years. and the reason my tears shed for. i really.... speechless. no one ever in my life had hurt me this much, as a guy i mean. and yet he did. now everything seems over for me. no more him. no more his voice in my mind and his laugh, jokes, and nonsense... no more. all gone.

well, outta mood to write. i really miss him badly. hope he success in life and get what he want. thanks for all the guidance throughout my diploma. im gonna live my own these coming days, months, and years. i will try not to rely you anymore. cause if i do, i will hurt badly, silently, no one know.

Christmas eve family dinner

Its been a long time. Long long time since i last saw such phenomenan. One of my favourite which i would go far for it. Skipping class for this dinner is nothing. Well i was always looking forward for such gathering. Nothing but peace and worrylessness in every single spoon fed into mouth. Unspeakable happiness. Perhaps thats what they said Jesus is with us. To me, He is eating with us. And he brought peace and happiness to us all, on this meaningful day. Rarely do we have such outing but definitely it was a memorable and unforgetable one for everyone. Merry christmas and happy new year everyone. God live with us and he bring us peace and happiness.

dont ask what i can do for you. ask what you want actually

you know who im addressing this to. i knew you want it and asking for it. so now you got it. less do i need to say. there is no need for words now. this blog has it all and what is in my mind and what i want to say. im enough. ENOUGH. tired and sick of all this bullshits. fcuk off from my life. fcuk off.

why i said so? hugging other guy, in the mind thinking other guy. should i label you as playgirl? or just a piece of society shits? what you want. DONT TOUCH ME. you gave me enough shits so now get the hell outta my mind. when i just wanted to let you go, you pull me back. but its all confusing. sleeping together but denied we are couple. bullshits that is what i call it. so dont fcuking mess with me. i got more important things to deal with.

people who are uneducated, means stupid. idiot and have no meaning in life. confucius said, man need education, brahmin said only education can change your level in the society. dont believe me please and other people. but do believe in history because we came from there. and we will end there if we didnt believe in facts, history, lesson. why do ancient civilization extinct, its because they refuse to educate themselves. in other words, they destroy their own generation.

only educated people know what is their need. what is their goal in life. and what they have to do. for those dont want educate themselve, your life is nothing but a plain shits. you are just pushing yourself to dead. you know no limit and you are so damn childish.

you are childish. but i dont care. when you in the situation, you must live in that situation... what would your mom think and feel if she knew what you doing right now. bring guys go back room? play game all night? never concentrate in studies? ladies and gentlemen out there. please help me describe a person who didnt concern about its own studies, waste money studying and other thing. live a meaningless life, and CARE NOTHING ABOUT ITS OWN FINAL EXAM. please answer. thanks

you knew it gonna hurt people but you still do it. learn from your mistake. he told you if you do it he gonna left you. yet you do it. this is call dont appreciate people. and stupid enough to purposely spoil it. its all your own decision that cause this to happened. you knew it yet you still do it. people, tell me what is this. when you know the road gonna lead you to death, but you still want to go for it. suicide???

im enough. just get out from my life. i cant accept someone who cant think for itself. although i do have lil feeling, but its fading away. dont blame me. its you that make it fade away by time. look upon yourself.

light up the darkness.