its been awhile

its been a while since i got this feeling (i got a feeling - bep). and i dont know when it will end. somehow, i figure it out the beginning. he suddenly turn away from me. away away away. far far away. i wasn't confident i would be able to keep up with him or not. or even i can have a plce in his heart or not. it seems like, im gone. no, HE gone. but its a good thing. i cant always rely on him. i've got to live on my own. someday later. perhaps now its the right time. he no longer avaiable for me. no longer care me. i have to live on my own. i couldnt thank him more than this. he had no doubt, help me when im up or down. im am a product of him. without him, i would be worse. officially send my thankfulness to him here. although im sure he wont be reading this, cause he dont like to read.

if you ever ask me, who is the first and only guy that made you shed your tears for him, he will be my only answer. because of him i am who am i today. without him, im just a pile of junk. piece of shit. i couldnt elaborate more what he had help me, yet he is so humble. i couldnt further explain what he had done to me. there are... too much to count from... and i couldnt remember too. i just can say that he is very helpful all these years. and the reason my tears shed for. i really.... speechless. no one ever in my life had hurt me this much, as a guy i mean. and yet he did. now everything seems over for me. no more him. no more his voice in my mind and his laugh, jokes, and nonsense... no more. all gone.

well, outta mood to write. i really miss him badly. hope he success in life and get what he want. thanks for all the guidance throughout my diploma. im gonna live my own these coming days, months, and years. i will try not to rely you anymore. cause if i do, i will hurt badly, silently, no one know.