today was Mabel's birthday. happy birthday to her!! well yesterday night we enjoy and play till very crazy lo. how crazy? private private >.<
well this is not the main reason i write blog. haih. very fan now.
why would you treat me like this? what did i do wrong? i may not that sensitive or smart. me very stupid. but i always trying my best to care for you. because i love you so much that i care you more than everyone. even myself. why would you listen to your best friend more than me? have you ever think of how i feel? i very disappointed with your act of believing her more than i do. what is the point I'm here? since she was with you therefore i don't need to be there for you.. you always listen to her instead of me. am i doing wrong saying like that? every time i want to talk this topic with you, you tend to argue me back and says she is right. she just want to care this and that. i understood that but i think she has gone too far into our relationship. this is our life. our love that we build together. i know friends are very important to you. i know that dear. i don't want she broke our love. ever since she step into this topic, my life being controlled by her. what is her right?
as a friend she can only advice. not control. i believe that she is controlling me. she won't feel it. why is she being more worried than i do? why you expect so much from me by seeing what she act? what the hell?? she act like that, then you say i don't care about you. i just try to think positively. and you don't even let me to hold you. have you think about my feeling? i know you treat me very good but in such situation i hope that you can see into my heart. what my mind thinking. she can only care bout why is she doing so much?
i feel so useless. whatever that i should do, she already doing it. what for i be there?? don't be so unfair to me please. you can do show your emotional. why when i show mine, you tend to shows yours too? can't you just be tolerate? i thought love is all about both of us? why can't i show my emo too?? i just want you to show your love and care to me. because i always saw you show that to your friends. although I'm a guy but sometimes i hope to feel loved to. i want we work hard together. i don't want become only me do all the work.
can you turn to me please? why must you turn to the other side instead of me? do you know its very hurt? i feel like there is no point i standing here while i have no use for you anymore. why? do you know i love you so much that i always hurt myself because i don't want you to hurt?
i am very stupid thats why i not always up to your expectation. but is that what you want from me? if you love someone you'll have to accept everything of the person is. i can do it. why can't you? why you want to feel sad and hurt when i did not do what you expect? as i said I'm very stupid therefore i may not do like what you expect. maybe sometime after i may ab;e to do what you want. but I'm very stupid that my brain turn slow. its not that i not worried. i just telling myself that nothing bad gonna happen. i just want to think positively.
but why when she act over about it, you disappointed with me for not doing what she did? do i have to follow her?? shouldn't i just be myself?
baby, i always wait for you no matter what. you tell me that you will change. you always argue with me but at last i always calm down because i don't want argue. because i know if i do not calm down, its going to be very bad. i don't want that to happen. please think about me before you turn to her. I'm useless.
if you think you scare to hurt me then you want to break with me then you are wrong. because i want to be with you. so do you, i believe. therefore, instead of thinking like that, why don't you come over and we have discussion? if you neglect to discuss with me, there is nothing i can do. I'm sorry for what had happened. i hope you can show me your love and care too. when i hurt or angry i tend to express my anger by punching door. you want me to promise you not to punch door. what can i do when i angry or hurt then? have you ever think if you want me to promise you i won't punch door anymore, you have to tell yourself that you won't hurt me? take note that i hurt not because you going out with other guys. that is your life of course i happy if you do what you want. i hurt because you tend to care other more and made me feel I'm neglected. I'm useless.
