tomorrow, last paper. AHMC 5434 CRISIS MANAGEMENT FOR PUBLIC RELATIONS.
i admit, i already feel like flying now. my juniors majority already finished exam today. and all flying now. and me, hanging in the middle. no mood study. but i still at the stage of controlling myself from flying. LOL.
today finish AHMC 5404 ADVANCED PUBLIC RELATIONS WRITING
what could i ask for? i was damn lucky to be able to answer the questions. God, thank You for Your guidance, helps, and wisdom you gave me.
i ask no more, but one more blessing from You my dear God. tomorrow is my last paper of this semester and despite i have not much mood to study, i knew i shouldn't give up and i will not give up. i already screwed up my statistic resit paper. not this time man. not this time.
the reason of me writing blog today despite tomorrow morning 9am paper, what else? there is only one reason.
i is so stupid. wtf am i thinking now. not official couple? not yet?? wtf????
seriously. we kissed, we hugged. he held hand. not couple? is what then??? why the hell i am so stupid??
why want to make things complicated?? just because i want to decide a good date to be so-called "officially" ???? how idiot am i!!! whats the point having a good date? go choose Christmas or New Year la!! or February 14!!!
seriously. why am i so childish. why am i such a dickhead. sigh.
if both people in love with each other? whats the matter of asking one another to be couple? whats the point to propose? is it necessary??
why am i so stupid to realize this. fml. FML
ok. i had enough. i so regret now. another few things i regretted in my life. definitely she is hurt. so do i. i promised her not to hurt her. and gonna held her hand through rain and sun. and what the hell i just did. i just.... couldn't forgive myself. i hate myself. i can't afford to hurt her anymore.
and, for her to hurt me, simple. stare at TB. post videos about les couple getting married. seriously. why. why i feel like that. she told me many times that she will not choose back the old road. and she will not make the same mistakes again. she assure me that she love me and serious with me.
and yet, why you always tell me how much you admire TB? or guys with muscular bodies. long hair.
i have no idea. im hurt everytime you tell me that. but i still love you and try to accept you for who you are.
i think my mood getting better. not as emo as earlier. gonna start study real soon.
and, i am so sorry May. sorry for my stupidness. idiotness. im such a fool. im sorry May.
and May, i promise you i will give you a surprise.
ILY.
~ Light up The Darkness ~
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Examinations Marathon!!
Had AHMC 4104 PSYCHOLOGY FOR COMMUNICATION today. hopefully can passed. i wrote crapz. serious.
And thus, this should be a short updates due to my marathon. Yes. Exam marathon. damn.
Starting Friday, 19/8 - Sunday 21/8 gonna have 3 days straight exam. hope i didnt die. and also last 2 papers. 25 and 26 august. back to back. TWICE in a week. God have mercy on me please.
Gonna start corporate communication and IMC tomorrow.
Today after exam, went to find May. had lunch with her at canteen 1. the mixed rice there has better service than canteen 2 but they are so calculative that.... want count how many pieces to give me. like, take so long to count. suan.
Then go to library with her to study. On the way there, i dont know how, but somehow, she managed to take off my angry bird == i didnt even realized. then scare my ass off. i thought drop somewhere. then i went back to canteen 1 to look for it back. but stop at DK A cause i gave up. and she kept called me to rush me back to library.
end up it was her that steal it ==
i dont know why, but it happens that, my romance started in library == ok. only SECOND time....
Hi baby, we had our first kiss there. it happened so fast that, i felt the time has frozen. i hold up your chin, and you gave us our first kiss. and, nothing could describe my feeling. it just. wonderful.
Baby, you are beautiful. And i shall tell you everyday. Awaiting tomorrow ;)
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
And thus, this should be a short updates due to my marathon. Yes. Exam marathon. damn.
Starting Friday, 19/8 - Sunday 21/8 gonna have 3 days straight exam. hope i didnt die. and also last 2 papers. 25 and 26 august. back to back. TWICE in a week. God have mercy on me please.
Gonna start corporate communication and IMC tomorrow.
Today after exam, went to find May. had lunch with her at canteen 1. the mixed rice there has better service than canteen 2 but they are so calculative that.... want count how many pieces to give me. like, take so long to count. suan.
Then go to library with her to study. On the way there, i dont know how, but somehow, she managed to take off my angry bird == i didnt even realized. then scare my ass off. i thought drop somewhere. then i went back to canteen 1 to look for it back. but stop at DK A cause i gave up. and she kept called me to rush me back to library.
end up it was her that steal it ==
i dont know why, but it happens that, my romance started in library == ok. only SECOND time....
Hi baby, we had our first kiss there. it happened so fast that, i felt the time has frozen. i hold up your chin, and you gave us our first kiss. and, nothing could describe my feeling. it just. wonderful.
Baby, you are beautiful. And i shall tell you everyday. Awaiting tomorrow ;)
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
Saturday, July 30, 2011
emotional breakdown. moodless. lifeless. lost direction.
hmm where should i start. i dont know. or follow ms tiong's advice, i am the manager of ..... of the product .... and i am suppose to draft an advertising plan for 6 months...
sien... its saturday. supposingly got replacement class but i didnt go. reason, yesterday watch kung fu hustle til 3am ++ and had my chips. then class at 9am, 8.30am and 8.50am i can hear its raining heavily. so..... skip looo.... hahahhaha. but today skip tkd class also. lost rm20 income. sigh. nvm la... rest lo. exam coming jor.... only yiruma's song accompany me writing. more feel. hahahaha.....
hmm. too much thing to write. feeling fade away how to write!!! hopefully i can update my blog more frequent provided i have a secured line. free from lightning strike. LOL. where should i start? seriously ....
lets start day from day. hmm,
monday 25 July 2011, dont remember. only know class ended at 12pm and lecturer allowed us to keep our seniors' assignments. first he said borrow until we hand in assignment. then hand in liao he said let us keep. no place to keep wor. like that our assignment mai let people keep next time? suan ler.......... after class at 12pm, follow hazel's dad go eat at wangsa maju then go jusco then go immigration there make her temporary IC. i follow cause want get experience how things is done. sun bian get my passport photos cause i left one nia. in my life is short and got many things to learn. better than someone who always dont want learn just rely on others. when others failed, one shall failed too. after kao tim, we go to Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara for her licence. LOL. i suppose to go back cause very sleepy but it finished quite fast.
After that back college. went to football field for macky wacky by hotel management advanced diploma second year. got smelly tofu there not bad. i bought pearl milk tea and some fried potatoes i think. taste like chips.then go back sleep. at night go play COD. looks like i addicted to it. knife, sniper. lol.
actually i stress also not because of assignments. its because the person behind assignments. there are numerous times i said i am here, and i learn my thing. i can work to my limit but not over limit. and i cant get A though you forced me too. sorry but thats just me. if you unhappy, you can do whatever you want to me. its just, its my privacy here, my blog. i troll anything i want. i dont like keeping the feeling inside me. i'll do when i feel like doing it. its a waste of time when i go for discussion, everyone working on laptop, i have no laptop, seriously i wasting my time there. rather come back face my own computer.
tuesday, 26 July 2011, 12pm psychology class canceled.replaced on friday and i didnt go also. sien with psycho class jor though its coming to the end of semester. after finish blogging gonna go back my mom there. yeah!! finish class at 10am. go da bao, online, eat. COD. forgot what happen next.
wednesday, 27 July 2011. nothing excite me besides tkd. waiting to shout my lungs out. its not i dont care about assignment shits. its, my only days in a week, to release my stress. fully free from all the worries and tension. if i were to forced to bring stress to tkd, im gonna be real pissed. im not gonna sit on front computer assignment all day. it just not my style. i want my tkd life no matter what happen. though im old, but i aint giving it up yet. no im not.
thats why i love spending time with them. wash all the mats, badminton session etc etc. i just found my friends back. not gonna let it go easily. night COD lagi..... right shin swollen because master kick it ==
thursday, 28 July 2011, nothing special besides i went to football field, not for macky wacky anymore cause it ended on tuesday. its DPR2 B5 if i not mistaken, their event. i think most of the groups did fund raising for charity. it could be a record in tarc in one year, so many charity done. LOL this is my happiest day man.... first, enter only get free gift. DARLIE All Shiny White 40g. then get another Wrigley's Extra Mints 20g. then answer simple question and got another 2 DARLIE All Shiny White 40g lol. i so happy dont know why. had ice cream honeydew flavor. then popiah also. then fried chicken. then pearl milt tea peppermint flavor. i just cant stop eating. lol so many....
then go class, advanced diploma in hotel management second year students, that have same lecture as us, sell plush toys. woohoo. i bought angry bird and the pig (its enemy) woo hoo so happy. rm 12.50 gone jor. not to mention the food i bought earlier. memang pokai but i simply love it. guess money really can buy my happiness. it apply to me though.
free gift : DARLIE All Shiny White 40g X 3
Wrigley's Extra Mints 20g
bought : ice cream honeydew flavor (RM4.50)
pearl milk tea peppermint flavor (RM3)
fried chicken (RM6)
Angry Bird (red) + Enemy Pig (RM12.50)
Angry Bird yellow (RM3.50)
then at night wanna go night market. WITHOUT RESEARCH. reached there only realize night market got tutup by DBKL. seriously. dont fool me man. first tbr. now 2am want find mamak is impossible in tbr. then now sri rampai night market. i never been there man. 4 years in tarc never been to sri rampai night market. sien. people there complaint noisy and dirty. seriously. dont bullshit me la. both tbr and night market have been there for years before my arrival. not you complaint this that. stfu la seriously. saja buat muka. guess its election coming so... yea they play some stick or two.
then walk to sri rampai business park makan. round whole round dont know what to eat. then dont know where to eat. finally end up in old town. though i hate it, but i dont care cause damn hungry. met ginger and ooi there. also covey. got to watch malaysia vs singapore. match tied at 1-1 but singapore win through aggregate 6-4. sien.
in the beginning i order plain water 4 glasses. chill la. water only ma. whats your problem. make a fuss. stfu laa.... i eat what i want to eat. im tired of you controlling my food. then you eat as you want. then i order mee siam singapore to eat. quite nice but not enough. then order another curry mee. i was between curry mee or dried hor fun. hazel mentioned curry mee. so do i. just feel like eating something like that. then my gf start to tell me how bad it is for my health. the fat will clot in my blood then this and that will happen. then demonstrate to me if i eat curry mee that has alot of santan in it and drink ice water, what will happen. seriously. my whole wonderful day got ruined by you bitch. stfu. i eat whatever shit i want. i dont mean to downgrade you but women, sometimes you need to know when to shut up and open mouth.
if you dont know how to open mouth might as well shut it up. not that i dont sayang my gf its like... you know what i meant. first, as i am god know whats inside de curry mee. so if you dont know, dont come and tell me how harmful it is when i ordered already. i know you care me but the way you speak like cursing me to death. EAT MORE LA EAT CURRY MEE WITH ICE WATER. FATS OIL ALL CLOT IN YOUR BLOOD. you dont effing eat anything then. everything got oils and fats. just drink water la ban!
seriously, im a person that wont regret over my own decision. if its my own decision, i wont blame anyone nor myself. just bear the consequences. easy. whats the fuss?
sometimes, its not that im a a bf dont care you. but you ruined my days enough. just, grown up seriously. the whole world might disagree that you want to chase your hobby as your career, which is art and craft. seriously, i dont see that as a problem. as a human being, chasing you own life, own interest, i dont see it as a problem. people sure will said why i supprted my gf to give up or withdraw at this moment, after getting good grades in diploma in Pr, and now in advanced PR, second year. another semester will successfully graduate with flying colors. yes. if you decided to quit now, the whole world may hate you or said you stupid but i WILL NOT. to me, whats the point living in one's shadow? just because your friend study PR and you dont know what to study, parents pressure, you choose PR. something you dislike. and you fake your voice during presentation. seriously. you want to live in that shadow forever?
the reason i withdraw from my old course is, i know where i want to be. and i DONT WANT TO REGRET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. you are living in shadow do you know that? when you enter working environment, you will be extremely stress with your life. and may cause your marriage, with whoever it is. this is because of your choice. still, i will support your decision of going for art and craft. DESPITE the world against your decision. DESPITE i do not appreciate art. i still support your decision solely because i believe in chasing one's dream is the goal of life.
whats the point you live for others? whats the point you live but had your goal disallowed? whats the point you live but couldn't reach your goal?
i can only tell you, the reason i supported you not for fun or childish. i just believe in achieving one's goal and, its better to change now than regret for the rest of your life. whats the point living then?
its better to waste 4 years of your life then your WHOLE LIFE. if only you get it. i guess you have no guts to achieve your own goal. never mind. you just want to live other people's life. never mind. really. the reason i withdraw 4 years ago, same. its ok to waste your 6 months life then all your life. and, not that i did not earn anything at all. i do learn something. screw my life.
almost forgot, we walked all the way back to tbr from sri rampai.
friday, 29 July 2011. yesterday night already said want go out dating today. and you wear econnect shirt. woke up late. rushing. is that my problem? you said want go out . then never said want go where. you come to me and ask same shit question for whole year. my answer: my house. i know i acted quite badly. and i dont know why i act like that. guess i seriously pissed. waited you for 40 minutes and you tell me i can go back my mom's place if i want. i can join badminton session if i want. wtf. seriously. i hate this attitude from the beginning. you want go where, just say it. i go where also can but your problem? no money. then its not my problem. or maybe it is my problem for being poor. im sorry then. you can choose someone else richer. you have been living in poor with me. im sorry. go and find someone richer now. i had no money. and you went all the way back hostel to change. and tell me you dont know where to go. fine la. my house then. i just go sleep. dont fan me.
sien. why you always like that one.thats the problem with you. grown up for heaven fcuking sake!! dont tell me how much responsibilities you bear for your family etc etc. its all bullshit if you cant even decide simple thing. you want i go out with you, you say where to go. no money? sleep at home. at least i help you save money. you might be crying that i treated you like this. im sorry. but i had no choice. i may choose to go wangsa walk cause my tkd kaki were there. but you probably wont be happy and walk away like you always do. i said go wangsa walk, you said why go there. then you decide la. dont be a bitch can or not. you think this is hk drama meh.
then go sleep. wake up, straight bising mau makan. seriously. dont disturb my sleep. and, dont be like a bitchy princess order food to arrive at your mouth once you wake up. go change and go out eat la. sigh. dont know why recently you become like this. and you said its me. i know i got my fault. and im not gonna said anything anymore. cause i had done talking.
saturday, 30 July 2011, i skipped replacement class. skipped lunch. breakfast. tkd class. im heading to the end of my blog. its time to pack and go back my mom there. i screw up my assignments. i screw up my life. i screw up my relationship.
i love you baby. no lie. day by day. despite all the flaws, i still love you. because you are my baby. my dear. my love. one and only.
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
sien... its saturday. supposingly got replacement class but i didnt go. reason, yesterday watch kung fu hustle til 3am ++ and had my chips. then class at 9am, 8.30am and 8.50am i can hear its raining heavily. so..... skip looo.... hahahhaha. but today skip tkd class also. lost rm20 income. sigh. nvm la... rest lo. exam coming jor.... only yiruma's song accompany me writing. more feel. hahahaha.....
hmm. too much thing to write. feeling fade away how to write!!! hopefully i can update my blog more frequent provided i have a secured line. free from lightning strike. LOL. where should i start? seriously ....
lets start day from day. hmm,
monday 25 July 2011, dont remember. only know class ended at 12pm and lecturer allowed us to keep our seniors' assignments. first he said borrow until we hand in assignment. then hand in liao he said let us keep. no place to keep wor. like that our assignment mai let people keep next time? suan ler.......... after class at 12pm, follow hazel's dad go eat at wangsa maju then go jusco then go immigration there make her temporary IC. i follow cause want get experience how things is done. sun bian get my passport photos cause i left one nia. in my life is short and got many things to learn. better than someone who always dont want learn just rely on others. when others failed, one shall failed too. after kao tim, we go to Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara for her licence. LOL. i suppose to go back cause very sleepy but it finished quite fast.
After that back college. went to football field for macky wacky by hotel management advanced diploma second year. got smelly tofu there not bad. i bought pearl milk tea and some fried potatoes i think. taste like chips.then go back sleep. at night go play COD. looks like i addicted to it. knife, sniper. lol.
actually i stress also not because of assignments. its because the person behind assignments. there are numerous times i said i am here, and i learn my thing. i can work to my limit but not over limit. and i cant get A though you forced me too. sorry but thats just me. if you unhappy, you can do whatever you want to me. its just, its my privacy here, my blog. i troll anything i want. i dont like keeping the feeling inside me. i'll do when i feel like doing it. its a waste of time when i go for discussion, everyone working on laptop, i have no laptop, seriously i wasting my time there. rather come back face my own computer.
tuesday, 26 July 2011, 12pm psychology class canceled.replaced on friday and i didnt go also. sien with psycho class jor though its coming to the end of semester. after finish blogging gonna go back my mom there. yeah!! finish class at 10am. go da bao, online, eat. COD. forgot what happen next.
wednesday, 27 July 2011. nothing excite me besides tkd. waiting to shout my lungs out. its not i dont care about assignment shits. its, my only days in a week, to release my stress. fully free from all the worries and tension. if i were to forced to bring stress to tkd, im gonna be real pissed. im not gonna sit on front computer assignment all day. it just not my style. i want my tkd life no matter what happen. though im old, but i aint giving it up yet. no im not.
thats why i love spending time with them. wash all the mats, badminton session etc etc. i just found my friends back. not gonna let it go easily. night COD lagi..... right shin swollen because master kick it ==
thursday, 28 July 2011, nothing special besides i went to football field, not for macky wacky anymore cause it ended on tuesday. its DPR2 B5 if i not mistaken, their event. i think most of the groups did fund raising for charity. it could be a record in tarc in one year, so many charity done. LOL this is my happiest day man.... first, enter only get free gift. DARLIE All Shiny White 40g. then get another Wrigley's Extra Mints 20g. then answer simple question and got another 2 DARLIE All Shiny White 40g lol. i so happy dont know why. had ice cream honeydew flavor. then popiah also. then fried chicken. then pearl milt tea peppermint flavor. i just cant stop eating. lol so many....
then go class, advanced diploma in hotel management second year students, that have same lecture as us, sell plush toys. woohoo. i bought angry bird and the pig (its enemy) woo hoo so happy. rm 12.50 gone jor. not to mention the food i bought earlier. memang pokai but i simply love it. guess money really can buy my happiness. it apply to me though.
free gift : DARLIE All Shiny White 40g X 3
Wrigley's Extra Mints 20g
bought : ice cream honeydew flavor (RM4.50)
pearl milk tea peppermint flavor (RM3)
fried chicken (RM6)
Angry Bird (red) + Enemy Pig (RM12.50)
Angry Bird yellow (RM3.50)
then at night wanna go night market. WITHOUT RESEARCH. reached there only realize night market got tutup by DBKL. seriously. dont fool me man. first tbr. now 2am want find mamak is impossible in tbr. then now sri rampai night market. i never been there man. 4 years in tarc never been to sri rampai night market. sien. people there complaint noisy and dirty. seriously. dont bullshit me la. both tbr and night market have been there for years before my arrival. not you complaint this that. stfu la seriously. saja buat muka. guess its election coming so... yea they play some stick or two.
then walk to sri rampai business park makan. round whole round dont know what to eat. then dont know where to eat. finally end up in old town. though i hate it, but i dont care cause damn hungry. met ginger and ooi there. also covey. got to watch malaysia vs singapore. match tied at 1-1 but singapore win through aggregate 6-4. sien.
in the beginning i order plain water 4 glasses. chill la. water only ma. whats your problem. make a fuss. stfu laa.... i eat what i want to eat. im tired of you controlling my food. then you eat as you want. then i order mee siam singapore to eat. quite nice but not enough. then order another curry mee. i was between curry mee or dried hor fun. hazel mentioned curry mee. so do i. just feel like eating something like that. then my gf start to tell me how bad it is for my health. the fat will clot in my blood then this and that will happen. then demonstrate to me if i eat curry mee that has alot of santan in it and drink ice water, what will happen. seriously. my whole wonderful day got ruined by you bitch. stfu. i eat whatever shit i want. i dont mean to downgrade you but women, sometimes you need to know when to shut up and open mouth.
if you dont know how to open mouth might as well shut it up. not that i dont sayang my gf its like... you know what i meant. first, as i am god know whats inside de curry mee. so if you dont know, dont come and tell me how harmful it is when i ordered already. i know you care me but the way you speak like cursing me to death. EAT MORE LA EAT CURRY MEE WITH ICE WATER. FATS OIL ALL CLOT IN YOUR BLOOD. you dont effing eat anything then. everything got oils and fats. just drink water la ban!
seriously, im a person that wont regret over my own decision. if its my own decision, i wont blame anyone nor myself. just bear the consequences. easy. whats the fuss?
sometimes, its not that im a a bf dont care you. but you ruined my days enough. just, grown up seriously. the whole world might disagree that you want to chase your hobby as your career, which is art and craft. seriously, i dont see that as a problem. as a human being, chasing you own life, own interest, i dont see it as a problem. people sure will said why i supprted my gf to give up or withdraw at this moment, after getting good grades in diploma in Pr, and now in advanced PR, second year. another semester will successfully graduate with flying colors. yes. if you decided to quit now, the whole world may hate you or said you stupid but i WILL NOT. to me, whats the point living in one's shadow? just because your friend study PR and you dont know what to study, parents pressure, you choose PR. something you dislike. and you fake your voice during presentation. seriously. you want to live in that shadow forever?
the reason i withdraw from my old course is, i know where i want to be. and i DONT WANT TO REGRET FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. you are living in shadow do you know that? when you enter working environment, you will be extremely stress with your life. and may cause your marriage, with whoever it is. this is because of your choice. still, i will support your decision of going for art and craft. DESPITE the world against your decision. DESPITE i do not appreciate art. i still support your decision solely because i believe in chasing one's dream is the goal of life.
whats the point you live for others? whats the point you live but had your goal disallowed? whats the point you live but couldn't reach your goal?
i can only tell you, the reason i supported you not for fun or childish. i just believe in achieving one's goal and, its better to change now than regret for the rest of your life. whats the point living then?
its better to waste 4 years of your life then your WHOLE LIFE. if only you get it. i guess you have no guts to achieve your own goal. never mind. you just want to live other people's life. never mind. really. the reason i withdraw 4 years ago, same. its ok to waste your 6 months life then all your life. and, not that i did not earn anything at all. i do learn something. screw my life.
almost forgot, we walked all the way back to tbr from sri rampai.
friday, 29 July 2011. yesterday night already said want go out dating today. and you wear econnect shirt. woke up late. rushing. is that my problem? you said want go out . then never said want go where. you come to me and ask same shit question for whole year. my answer: my house. i know i acted quite badly. and i dont know why i act like that. guess i seriously pissed. waited you for 40 minutes and you tell me i can go back my mom's place if i want. i can join badminton session if i want. wtf. seriously. i hate this attitude from the beginning. you want go where, just say it. i go where also can but your problem? no money. then its not my problem. or maybe it is my problem for being poor. im sorry then. you can choose someone else richer. you have been living in poor with me. im sorry. go and find someone richer now. i had no money. and you went all the way back hostel to change. and tell me you dont know where to go. fine la. my house then. i just go sleep. dont fan me.
sien. why you always like that one.thats the problem with you. grown up for heaven fcuking sake!! dont tell me how much responsibilities you bear for your family etc etc. its all bullshit if you cant even decide simple thing. you want i go out with you, you say where to go. no money? sleep at home. at least i help you save money. you might be crying that i treated you like this. im sorry. but i had no choice. i may choose to go wangsa walk cause my tkd kaki were there. but you probably wont be happy and walk away like you always do. i said go wangsa walk, you said why go there. then you decide la. dont be a bitch can or not. you think this is hk drama meh.
then go sleep. wake up, straight bising mau makan. seriously. dont disturb my sleep. and, dont be like a bitchy princess order food to arrive at your mouth once you wake up. go change and go out eat la. sigh. dont know why recently you become like this. and you said its me. i know i got my fault. and im not gonna said anything anymore. cause i had done talking.
saturday, 30 July 2011, i skipped replacement class. skipped lunch. breakfast. tkd class. im heading to the end of my blog. its time to pack and go back my mom there. i screw up my assignments. i screw up my life. i screw up my relationship.
i love you baby. no lie. day by day. despite all the flaws, i still love you. because you are my baby. my dear. my love. one and only.
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
X-MEN : FIRST CLASS
i watched this. just because of assignment. else i wont step my foot in it. but it was ok after all. my favorite quote is:
Erik Lehnsherr : Hi I'm Erik Lehnsherr
Charles Xavier : I'm Xavier
Wolverine : Go fuck yourself.
actually one of the main reason that made me decide to watch this movie is the quote. it happened so fast. just 2 seconds like that but its the only thing that make the whole cinema burst in laughters XD
but seriously la.... the movie, despite its great, it is filled with sooo much of media effects. now who the hell told you Prof X aka Charles Xavier disable from waist down????
well before watching X-Men First Class i bet many people dont know unless those that did research on him. for the whole movie, he was alright and walk like normal human until 10 minutes from the end of the movie, he got shot by deflected bullet and out of whole body it hit his spine and causing him disable from waist forever.
the argument that i would like to bring up here is, it looks fake to me. seriously. suddenly he got hit by deflected bullet at his spine and there he goes it become the reason why he was in wheel chair for other x men series. didnt this sounds like so conspiracy?
we tend to believe whatever shown by the media. how are we gonna be creative and think outside the box? when are we gonna stop being manipulate by the media?
no doubt as a PR student, media plays an essential roles in our world. and it has powerful effects to everyone. but this is just sooooo no right. this is equivalent to the report by NASA that Neil Armstrong are the first person to set foot on moon and he is the first in human civilization to be there. but question is, who say it? and how many people are against the fact?
its all the news given my NASA solely. no others party. no other people. and during that age, technologies has its limit. or the US government hide the more advanced technologies to form a lie in us. why? because simply they are USA. until today, some people are still doubt if Neil Armstrong really did landed on moon, the question only he will know, and of course, NASA.
on the contradiction to these days, any news released will be much debated and researched before it actually been accepted into the community. i guess, not much people are in the same channel as i do. and i believe, undoubtedly, will be affected and believe what the media try to portray of something. and we, are lack of initiative and curiosity to find the truth.
but today, the question whether he did landed on moon is no longer important as anyone could have been to moon with money. even Chine have been there. ooppps. Malaysian been there too :)
there shall be no need for more arguing. see for yourself. and start reading instead if relying on online media. yes, online media is convenient and fast. and it has give us impact from its existence and for the years to come. but for once, we need to stop rely on it to learn the truth.
ahahahahaha thats all for my conspiracy theories. now for the most important part :P
McD Coca Cola Can!!!
i finally collected all of them direct and indirectly :P
here are them!!!
CHARCOAL
PURPLE
PINK
BLUE
LIME
GREEN
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
Erik Lehnsherr : Hi I'm Erik Lehnsherr
Charles Xavier : I'm Xavier
Wolverine : Go fuck yourself.
actually one of the main reason that made me decide to watch this movie is the quote. it happened so fast. just 2 seconds like that but its the only thing that make the whole cinema burst in laughters XD
but seriously la.... the movie, despite its great, it is filled with sooo much of media effects. now who the hell told you Prof X aka Charles Xavier disable from waist down????
well before watching X-Men First Class i bet many people dont know unless those that did research on him. for the whole movie, he was alright and walk like normal human until 10 minutes from the end of the movie, he got shot by deflected bullet and out of whole body it hit his spine and causing him disable from waist forever.
the argument that i would like to bring up here is, it looks fake to me. seriously. suddenly he got hit by deflected bullet at his spine and there he goes it become the reason why he was in wheel chair for other x men series. didnt this sounds like so conspiracy?
we tend to believe whatever shown by the media. how are we gonna be creative and think outside the box? when are we gonna stop being manipulate by the media?
no doubt as a PR student, media plays an essential roles in our world. and it has powerful effects to everyone. but this is just sooooo no right. this is equivalent to the report by NASA that Neil Armstrong are the first person to set foot on moon and he is the first in human civilization to be there. but question is, who say it? and how many people are against the fact?
its all the news given my NASA solely. no others party. no other people. and during that age, technologies has its limit. or the US government hide the more advanced technologies to form a lie in us. why? because simply they are USA. until today, some people are still doubt if Neil Armstrong really did landed on moon, the question only he will know, and of course, NASA.
on the contradiction to these days, any news released will be much debated and researched before it actually been accepted into the community. i guess, not much people are in the same channel as i do. and i believe, undoubtedly, will be affected and believe what the media try to portray of something. and we, are lack of initiative and curiosity to find the truth.
but today, the question whether he did landed on moon is no longer important as anyone could have been to moon with money. even Chine have been there. ooppps. Malaysian been there too :)
there shall be no need for more arguing. see for yourself. and start reading instead if relying on online media. yes, online media is convenient and fast. and it has give us impact from its existence and for the years to come. but for once, we need to stop rely on it to learn the truth.
ahahahahaha thats all for my conspiracy theories. now for the most important part :P
McD Coca Cola Can!!!
i finally collected all of them direct and indirectly :P
here are them!!!
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
Saturday, May 21, 2011
DOOMS DAY
yea its 21 may 2011 some party claimed that dooms day happen way earlier than december 21 2012
but this post is aint about dooms day though i wish it to happen and there is no point for me to do research about it. it just happen it cross my mind at the time i wanna write the title.
anyway, i should be doing my assignments, or i should be sleeping, to be precise. cause tomorrow gonna have 2 demo. morning one 11am at stadium titiwangsa but have to be there at 9am.
another one at stadium badminton cheras by 4pm needa reach there.
but just now had the wonderful nap so now still not sleepy yet but i still gonna sleep soon. further more, i dont want to be late or lose concentration.
anyhow, i screwed my life. advanced pr writing. 2 assignments due date next week. it might be easy and difficult at the same time. since tomorrow gonna be busy day, sunday training day, i guess i'll just do it after the training. try come back asap to tbr and stop lacking. this semester really freak me out. 10 assignments at least and all darn difficult to do.
luckily. next semester only 2 core subjects and one thesis. but still, i wish i'll survive this semester. 2 subjects already got group. another 3 subjects to go. sigh.... dont understand the assignments at all. just hope, my brain can understanding the teaching in lectures. and hopefully, my mind can become 'advanced' too else i wont get much marks from my assignments and finals.
anyway, collecting mcd coca cola glass. already got 4 glass jor
here is the full collection photo
and this is the first one ive got : charcoal
second one : purple (sorry for the sudden LARGE resolution. randomly select from google == )
third one : blue
the fourth one, the one i got today : pink (i know, i hate this color, but whats the point i call this 'collection' if i dont collect all?)
of course above photos is not mine. randomly choose from google. anyway, after ive collected all, 2 weeks later, will post it all here. ORIGINAL DE :p
ok, really need to go sleep now. though not sleeping but still need to rest. start packing soon. cant write more liao.... i only know, i felt shit about my assignments. thesis. sigh.....
signing off
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
but this post is aint about dooms day though i wish it to happen and there is no point for me to do research about it. it just happen it cross my mind at the time i wanna write the title.
anyway, i should be doing my assignments, or i should be sleeping, to be precise. cause tomorrow gonna have 2 demo. morning one 11am at stadium titiwangsa but have to be there at 9am.
another one at stadium badminton cheras by 4pm needa reach there.
but just now had the wonderful nap so now still not sleepy yet but i still gonna sleep soon. further more, i dont want to be late or lose concentration.
anyhow, i screwed my life. advanced pr writing. 2 assignments due date next week. it might be easy and difficult at the same time. since tomorrow gonna be busy day, sunday training day, i guess i'll just do it after the training. try come back asap to tbr and stop lacking. this semester really freak me out. 10 assignments at least and all darn difficult to do.
luckily. next semester only 2 core subjects and one thesis. but still, i wish i'll survive this semester. 2 subjects already got group. another 3 subjects to go. sigh.... dont understand the assignments at all. just hope, my brain can understanding the teaching in lectures. and hopefully, my mind can become 'advanced' too else i wont get much marks from my assignments and finals.
anyway, collecting mcd coca cola glass. already got 4 glass jor
here is the full collection photo
and this is the first one ive got : charcoal
second one : purple (sorry for the sudden LARGE resolution. randomly select from google == )
third one : blue
the fourth one, the one i got today : pink (i know, i hate this color, but whats the point i call this 'collection' if i dont collect all?)
of course above photos is not mine. randomly choose from google. anyway, after ive collected all, 2 weeks later, will post it all here. ORIGINAL DE :p
ok, really need to go sleep now. though not sleeping but still need to rest. start packing soon. cant write more liao.... i only know, i felt shit about my assignments. thesis. sigh.....
signing off
~ Light Up The Darkness ~
Friday, April 8, 2011
hah! i remember what to write jor!!!
alright. now i remember what to write. this is the 'forgotten' topic that i mentioned in my previous blog. in the end, i forgotten the topic but i was actually with me all the time. in fact, just beside me. without further ado, let us begin.
Remember April Fool's Day? well i would dare to say, 98% of us would says its a prank day where we can fool our friends or family or people we know around us, without worrying they will get upset cause its fool day!
most likely, another normal prank day like halloween etc etc.
here is the true fact about april fool's day.
http://irwan007.wordpress.com/2007/04/01/april-fool-rai-kejatuhan-islam/
i know you lazy to read it. conclusion i shall write. well i am interested in this story cause, i was included in that 98% people that did not know the true behind 'april fool's day' . it happens i bought a Mastika magazine. a malay magazine that published since 70 years ago without failed. to the malay community, this name is not strange to them. i used to buy this magazine every months last time when i was still small. then stop for long time. then i just buy it occasionally just for the sake of reading as i love reading especially i did not have anything to do now. just like now. no intern no exam no nothing. back to topic.
back in the age, i mean long way back in the 8th century AD. the date, April 1st is when something terrible happened to Islam. accordingly to the link above, and also according to Mastika, this date is where the time observed the fall of Islam in Granada, Spain attacked by the Christians. well, during this time, the Christians, or the Jews i suppose, are highly dangerous and violent. they wanted to vanish all the Islam people from the earth at one shot. they did all they could, include all the killing and cruelty. until one day they came across this place call Granada in Spain, the last state that contained Islam people that still alive. the Islam people stay indoor and avoid going out so that they wont get kill. what there Jews did is they lie to them by saying there is a big ship coming over to fetch them, save them. so these Islam people came out and proceed to the harbor.
next, the Jews burn down all the houses, as well the ship. the Muslim can do nothing but to see everything down by the fire. and in the end, everyone got killed by the Jews regardless man, women, child, young, old. this is how the Muslim vanished from Spain. so april 1st is know for the success of the Jews vanished the Muslim. here i would like to acknowledge that i am not sure whether it is the Jews who did so. i mean, the story is proven. it just that, in the blog and magazine, they call them 'orang kristian' so i suppose its the Jews.
and so, 1st April 1847 is the day the killing spree happen in granada Spain done by the Jews. it is suppose to be the day where muslim mourn about. but seems like the westerns culture has been in our blood until we forgot such cruel incident that happened. however, according to wikipedia, 1st April is a day to prank people. meaning, the westerners didnt change the fact. it just happen to be coincidence on the same day. although april's fool can date back to the year 1392, i do not know if the westerners has anything to do with the 'coincidence'
anyway, since you guys are now aware of this, besides fooling people on this date, remember the truth fact behind the date. if you have any muslim friends that enjoy april day, advice them. and tell them the truth. they deserve to know the fact. in no time, when the malaysia gov realized this, they will, again, yes again, HARAMkan this april fool day for muslim, just like what they did for Valentine's Day. it just matter of time before they haram everything. hahaha.
talk about valentine's day, i got something to share with lucky readers of my blog. i knew this long time ago, when i was still in form 4, during one of my history class. this story told by my favorite tutor, K.Siiva and i remember this today, and forever. here is the fact:
"Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed. "
Quoted from http://www.pictureframes.co.uk/pages/saint_valentine.htm
meaning, someone good, by the name Saint Valentine, a priest in Rome, despite disallowed to aid marriages, he secretly help a couple. end up, the Rome found out and order him to be kill by the stated method above. so this date, 14 February should be the day we, the whole world, mourn about this great passionate priest. but how the heck we are celebrating it? BIG LOLZZZZZZ
well, young generation, wait! this valentine's day has been celebrate loooong time ago before even Y2K. here is another clearer fact about valentino :
"Alongside a woodcut portrait of him, text states that Valentinus was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius the Goth [Claudius II]. Since he was caught marrying Christian couples and aiding any Christians who were being persecuted under Emperor Claudius in Rome [when helping them was considered a crime], Valentinus was arrested and imprisoned. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner -- until Valentinus made a strategic error: he tried to convert the Emperor -- whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that didn't do it, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate [circa 269]. "
fully quote from http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159
haha an online christian web :P
well i guess its clearly stated the reason here. and i hope, you people can at least pay some respect to this great man. a man who died for truth. for peace. for family. for love. i did not haram you guys from celebrating it. but, since you know the truth, what you gonna do? tak percaya, boleh pergi google :)
anyway, since the day i knew this fact, yea when i was 16 years old, i didnt really celebrate valentine's day. or i should say, i didnt had gf during valentine's day XD
well actually got la but just that, i 'had' to celebrate cause my ex, or current gf wanted it to be special. i guess if she knows the fact, she still want it to be special. well if i was single, i definitely wont celebrate it. NOT BECAUSE I WAS SINGLE! because i know the fact. if i got gf, i would tell her about the fact. and.... hopefully she can understand me. further more, during this day, everything double the price for couple. why spent more?? LOLZ
signing off.....
~Light Up The Darkness~
Remember April Fool's Day? well i would dare to say, 98% of us would says its a prank day where we can fool our friends or family or people we know around us, without worrying they will get upset cause its fool day!
most likely, another normal prank day like halloween etc etc.
here is the true fact about april fool's day.
http://irwan007.wordpress.com/2007/04/01/april-fool-rai-kejatuhan-islam/
i know you lazy to read it. conclusion i shall write. well i am interested in this story cause, i was included in that 98% people that did not know the true behind 'april fool's day' . it happens i bought a Mastika magazine. a malay magazine that published since 70 years ago without failed. to the malay community, this name is not strange to them. i used to buy this magazine every months last time when i was still small. then stop for long time. then i just buy it occasionally just for the sake of reading as i love reading especially i did not have anything to do now. just like now. no intern no exam no nothing. back to topic.
back in the age, i mean long way back in the 8th century AD. the date, April 1st is when something terrible happened to Islam. accordingly to the link above, and also according to Mastika, this date is where the time observed the fall of Islam in Granada, Spain attacked by the Christians. well, during this time, the Christians, or the Jews i suppose, are highly dangerous and violent. they wanted to vanish all the Islam people from the earth at one shot. they did all they could, include all the killing and cruelty. until one day they came across this place call Granada in Spain, the last state that contained Islam people that still alive. the Islam people stay indoor and avoid going out so that they wont get kill. what there Jews did is they lie to them by saying there is a big ship coming over to fetch them, save them. so these Islam people came out and proceed to the harbor.
next, the Jews burn down all the houses, as well the ship. the Muslim can do nothing but to see everything down by the fire. and in the end, everyone got killed by the Jews regardless man, women, child, young, old. this is how the Muslim vanished from Spain. so april 1st is know for the success of the Jews vanished the Muslim. here i would like to acknowledge that i am not sure whether it is the Jews who did so. i mean, the story is proven. it just that, in the blog and magazine, they call them 'orang kristian' so i suppose its the Jews.
and so, 1st April 1847 is the day the killing spree happen in granada Spain done by the Jews. it is suppose to be the day where muslim mourn about. but seems like the westerns culture has been in our blood until we forgot such cruel incident that happened. however, according to wikipedia, 1st April is a day to prank people. meaning, the westerners didnt change the fact. it just happen to be coincidence on the same day. although april's fool can date back to the year 1392, i do not know if the westerners has anything to do with the 'coincidence'
anyway, since you guys are now aware of this, besides fooling people on this date, remember the truth fact behind the date. if you have any muslim friends that enjoy april day, advice them. and tell them the truth. they deserve to know the fact. in no time, when the malaysia gov realized this, they will, again, yes again, HARAMkan this april fool day for muslim, just like what they did for Valentine's Day. it just matter of time before they haram everything. hahaha.
talk about valentine's day, i got something to share with lucky readers of my blog. i knew this long time ago, when i was still in form 4, during one of my history class. this story told by my favorite tutor, K.Siiva and i remember this today, and forever. here is the fact:
"Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed. "
Quoted from http://www.pictureframes.co.uk/pages/saint_valentine.htm
meaning, someone good, by the name Saint Valentine, a priest in Rome, despite disallowed to aid marriages, he secretly help a couple. end up, the Rome found out and order him to be kill by the stated method above. so this date, 14 February should be the day we, the whole world, mourn about this great passionate priest. but how the heck we are celebrating it? BIG LOLZZZZZZ
well, young generation, wait! this valentine's day has been celebrate loooong time ago before even Y2K. here is another clearer fact about valentino :
"Alongside a woodcut portrait of him, text states that Valentinus was a Roman priest martyred during the reign of Claudius the Goth [Claudius II]. Since he was caught marrying Christian couples and aiding any Christians who were being persecuted under Emperor Claudius in Rome [when helping them was considered a crime], Valentinus was arrested and imprisoned. Claudius took a liking to this prisoner -- until Valentinus made a strategic error: he tried to convert the Emperor -- whereupon this priest was condemned to death. He was beaten with clubs and stoned; when that didn't do it, he was beheaded outside the Flaminian Gate [circa 269]. "
fully quote from http://www.catholic.org/saints/saint.php?saint_id=159
haha an online christian web :P
well i guess its clearly stated the reason here. and i hope, you people can at least pay some respect to this great man. a man who died for truth. for peace. for family. for love. i did not haram you guys from celebrating it. but, since you know the truth, what you gonna do? tak percaya, boleh pergi google :)
anyway, since the day i knew this fact, yea when i was 16 years old, i didnt really celebrate valentine's day. or i should say, i didnt had gf during valentine's day XD
well actually got la but just that, i 'had' to celebrate cause my ex, or current gf wanted it to be special. i guess if she knows the fact, she still want it to be special. well if i was single, i definitely wont celebrate it. NOT BECAUSE I WAS SINGLE! because i know the fact. if i got gf, i would tell her about the fact. and.... hopefully she can understand me. further more, during this day, everything double the price for couple. why spent more?? LOLZ
signing off.....
~Light Up The Darkness~
Mysterious symbols unveiled
as the title suggest, the mysterious symbols that you guys can see in my previous post, its actually from CELCOM NETWORK named KOLONY. lame. and had no idea why they used such thing to scare people. they might wanted to create curiosity but i guess they failed cause people are afraid of it. or at least, i meant, not interested and think its silly. the biohazard symbols has 3 circles while the kolony has 5 circles is because of its so-called 'infection' , Ding, Fren, Bomm, Kom, Koinz
i do not know and not interested of what it is and for further information, the deal is only launch friday 8 April 2011 so what i've got here is pretty limited. it has a tagline which is “Get Ready For A New Social Media Outbreak”
well that's all for today i guess. suppose there is another main point but seems like.... i forgotten hahaha.
anyway, i bought 2 books today from popular which is quite costly. first one, "WHY DO KAMIKAZE PILOTS WEAR HELMETS?"
by andrew thompson - rm64.90
second book, Beyond Twilight - Manueka Dunn-Mascetti (RM9.90 promotion NP - RM 15.90)
i have no idea how come i bought second book. i was holding it all the way and i thought my dear bought a book also end up..... i mistaken it was her book . in the end she didnt buy any books and was very upset. i felt so guilty and sorry for her as it was her money also cause i didnt bring enough money as i didnt expect to to be in book store anyway. hmm. gonna pay her back soon. sorry dear ><
~Light Up The Darkness~
i do not know and not interested of what it is and for further information, the deal is only launch friday 8 April 2011 so what i've got here is pretty limited. it has a tagline which is “Get Ready For A New Social Media Outbreak”
well that's all for today i guess. suppose there is another main point but seems like.... i forgotten hahaha.
anyway, i bought 2 books today from popular which is quite costly. first one, "WHY DO KAMIKAZE PILOTS WEAR HELMETS?"
by andrew thompson - rm64.90
second book, Beyond Twilight - Manueka Dunn-Mascetti (RM9.90 promotion NP - RM 15.90)
i have no idea how come i bought second book. i was holding it all the way and i thought my dear bought a book also end up..... i mistaken it was her book . in the end she didnt buy any books and was very upset. i felt so guilty and sorry for her as it was her money also cause i didnt bring enough money as i didnt expect to to be in book store anyway. hmm. gonna pay her back soon. sorry dear ><
~Light Up The Darkness~
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The End of The Day Part 2
yes. the second reason im writing this is because, for the past 2 weeks or so..... this symbols have been creating curiousity among people in kuala lumpur. i saw it lots of time in newspaper. and outside pavilion. but didnt bother. if it involved media, i guess its something that approved by government. i HOPE. haha. hope its not the alien invasion thingy. if it is, i would be more than happy. run back to my mom's house. spend the last few moment with my family, and call my dear and tell her " I LOVE YOU FOREVER"
i didn't lie. if its really happen, when i said "I LOVE YOU FOREVER" i really meant it cause the next second i would vanish from the earth. so i kept my promise of living her FOREVER. cause after death, it is when our life journey begin. all our works, acts, will be judge. either good , or , bad...
back to the topic, this is the symbol
compared to this
different is the first one got 5 outer circle while the biohazard symbol only 3 outer circle.
this is not a joke. i got few feed from other famous blogger.
it is around us...
i dont know whether this is photoshopped cause this is looks crazier than seeing a 'batman' logo on the sky.
the one i saw in pavi
and this is the one commonly sighted in the star
is this some kinda secret organization wanna do something? like.... the NEST team in transformer 2... MEN IN BLACK organizations...
i were told that something "BIG" gonna happen on 6th April 2011. its alreayd way passed 12am so it is 6th april now. lets wait and see what will happen. remember to buy newspaper as its the only media we have and can trust in :)
signing off....
~Light Up The Darkness~
i didn't lie. if its really happen, when i said "I LOVE YOU FOREVER" i really meant it cause the next second i would vanish from the earth. so i kept my promise of living her FOREVER. cause after death, it is when our life journey begin. all our works, acts, will be judge. either good , or , bad...
back to the topic, this is the symbol
compared to this
different is the first one got 5 outer circle while the biohazard symbol only 3 outer circle.
this is not a joke. i got few feed from other famous blogger.
it is around us...
i dont know whether this is photoshopped cause this is looks crazier than seeing a 'batman' logo on the sky.
the one i saw in pavi
and this is the one commonly sighted in the star
is this some kinda secret organization wanna do something? like.... the NEST team in transformer 2... MEN IN BLACK organizations...
i were told that something "BIG" gonna happen on 6th April 2011. its alreayd way passed 12am so it is 6th april now. lets wait and see what will happen. remember to buy newspaper as its the only media we have and can trust in :)
signing off....
~Light Up The Darkness~
The End of The Day
im writing this because, the title above. exactly. got 2 reasons. first of first.
exam. damn stats man. i got whole month to study yet i take it for granted. sigh... wasted.... end up realizing i cant study all and the more i study the more i will forget. so gave up whole chapter 7 Probability Distribution. it happens to be.. lots of marks burned. 25marks AT LEAST. which lead to my 2nd thing i regretted in my life. for sure. as far as i concern.
i've disappointed my parents, intern company (former), lecturer (Ms Fong), friends, and my lover.
it looks like i ruined my own resit. damn it. but already passed. rough calculation, lose 55marks. equally, wait for another resit. sigh... its pain in the arse to talk about it. i knew i hit my limit way far. that is why i decided not to push myself further cause it'll just cause more destruction. i shall not study last minute again. hypothesis testing got 2 questions, 20marks. i did only one. sien. i probably can do the other one but time is just not enough. last time exam, i need another extra 1 hour to complete the paper. of course im not give such time that is why i failed. this time i need another 30 minutes to finish the paper and again, of course i was not granted that. hopefully if i can pass, i can burn the notes away. if i didnt, i wish i can do better next time. sigh....
SECOND REASON
no. not japan nuclear problem. i know i have been following that nuclear news closely lately. i mean not as close as you would thought but 'close' in my own term. this is because i knew chernobyl disaster happened on 26 April 1986. click on this link if you want to read about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chernobyl_disaster
nah i know wikipedia sucks but you dont need extreme precise web talk about this. wikipedia is sufficient for you to understand how worse it can be. how hard things be. and how difficult to live, 10 - 20 years later. due to radiation. 1986. 25 years later and the place is still unoccupied. this disaster, perhaps, touch my heart. the condition in the area is.. worse than the situation you could imagined or watched in "I AM LEGEND" cause.... lifeless. really no life. all you see there, is all faded colors of life. there is NO DUST. NO INSECTS. NO BACTERIA. just pure radiation. some experts says the place accessible only 50 years later. but the facts shows maybe another 100-300 years. some say 500 years. well i wish that not gonna happen to japan because chernobyl, back then, has not much safety measurements like what japan has today. and impressingly, japan always increase their safety of the nuclear plants from time to time. meaning once they got new technologies to cover the nuclear plants, they will use it. not like Malaysia. wait 10 years only do. scare this scare that.
the photos taken in Chernobyl is.... a pain for the eyes to see. and worse, its so lifeless that not even insects can stay there. perhaps, the only place on earth without COCKROACHES.
whats even worse is, the paint there, wall, floor, furnitures, electrical equipments and all the other daily household.... all left to.... fade... i cant explain here. no choice but to attached few photos here. a picture spoke thousand words.
nothing left. worse than haunted city or dead city.
no life at all. not even planktons could survive the disaster. the amount of radioactive is... way too much for a single cell to live. whats left is only those green plants, very rare, and limited species, that NOT survived the blast, but have been mutated. of course, plants cant become zombies. dont get addicted to PLANT vs ZOMBIES pls ==
this is what i meant by 'left to fade' not even dust
could you imagine what was this place before the disaster?
exam. damn stats man. i got whole month to study yet i take it for granted. sigh... wasted.... end up realizing i cant study all and the more i study the more i will forget. so gave up whole chapter 7 Probability Distribution. it happens to be.. lots of marks burned. 25marks AT LEAST. which lead to my 2nd thing i regretted in my life. for sure. as far as i concern.
i've disappointed my parents, intern company (former), lecturer (Ms Fong), friends, and my lover.
it looks like i ruined my own resit. damn it. but already passed. rough calculation, lose 55marks. equally, wait for another resit. sigh... its pain in the arse to talk about it. i knew i hit my limit way far. that is why i decided not to push myself further cause it'll just cause more destruction. i shall not study last minute again. hypothesis testing got 2 questions, 20marks. i did only one. sien. i probably can do the other one but time is just not enough. last time exam, i need another extra 1 hour to complete the paper. of course im not give such time that is why i failed. this time i need another 30 minutes to finish the paper and again, of course i was not granted that. hopefully if i can pass, i can burn the notes away. if i didnt, i wish i can do better next time. sigh....
SECOND REASON
no. not japan nuclear problem. i know i have been following that nuclear news closely lately. i mean not as close as you would thought but 'close' in my own term. this is because i knew chernobyl disaster happened on 26 April 1986. click on this link if you want to read about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chernobyl_disaster
nah i know wikipedia sucks but you dont need extreme precise web talk about this. wikipedia is sufficient for you to understand how worse it can be. how hard things be. and how difficult to live, 10 - 20 years later. due to radiation. 1986. 25 years later and the place is still unoccupied. this disaster, perhaps, touch my heart. the condition in the area is.. worse than the situation you could imagined or watched in "I AM LEGEND" cause.... lifeless. really no life. all you see there, is all faded colors of life. there is NO DUST. NO INSECTS. NO BACTERIA. just pure radiation. some experts says the place accessible only 50 years later. but the facts shows maybe another 100-300 years. some say 500 years. well i wish that not gonna happen to japan because chernobyl, back then, has not much safety measurements like what japan has today. and impressingly, japan always increase their safety of the nuclear plants from time to time. meaning once they got new technologies to cover the nuclear plants, they will use it. not like Malaysia. wait 10 years only do. scare this scare that.
the photos taken in Chernobyl is.... a pain for the eyes to see. and worse, its so lifeless that not even insects can stay there. perhaps, the only place on earth without COCKROACHES.
whats even worse is, the paint there, wall, floor, furnitures, electrical equipments and all the other daily household.... all left to.... fade... i cant explain here. no choice but to attached few photos here. a picture spoke thousand words.
nothing left. worse than haunted city or dead city.
no life at all. not even planktons could survive the disaster. the amount of radioactive is... way too much for a single cell to live. whats left is only those green plants, very rare, and limited species, that NOT survived the blast, but have been mutated. of course, plants cant become zombies. dont get addicted to PLANT vs ZOMBIES pls ==
this is what i meant by 'left to fade' not even dust
could you imagine what was this place before the disaster?
this fun fair was suppose to open to public few days after the incident. if not mistaken, 1st may. but looks like, unfortunately, no one ever had the chance to ride it.
leaves couldn't survive. these tree are already considered dead as the skins are all affected by radioactive. no longer can be use. no longer functioning.
the wall? its not dust. just faded...
haunted? i don't think so. its more like... left behind... abandoned... just by seeing it, thousands of history struck my mind. what had happened on this date.
the wiring...
last but not least, the reactor that explode due to some failure during testing i think. i don't wanna read that Wikipedia page anymore cause every time i read it, i felt terrible sad. lost. emo. the damaged is too much to imagine of.
hopefully you guys get a CLEAR picture of what im trying to explain here. YES. this is the result of explosion of nuclear plants. malaysia gov, you are considering to have one of these in malaysia? use your brain. such countries are not as lucky as us. we have solar energy. hydro energy etc etc. they have NOTHING we had. nuclear power is their last resort. they had no choice. malaysia gov, why you so stubborn and put our lives in danger?
can't you just be grateful and happy with what we have? malaysia don't need such thing to generate power. nor we running out of power supply. whats more? right after japan nuclear disaster, malaysia stand up and says want to have nuclear plant. kau bodoh ke otak dah hilang?
depan mata kau ada contoh bencana berlaku. kau lagi mau terjun ke dalam lembah maut?? BODOH BETUL . KAU INGAT KAU BANGGA DENGAN KUASA NUKLEAR. KAU FIKIR LAGI.
anyway, we should be grateful as well cause japan has a new and latest method to cover the plants in case it explode. and thanks to their commitment and intelligence, we are save from photos above, for now at least. if they did not cover the plants with concrete and coem out with other solution to cold down the plants, i think, the date for above photos, should be 2011.
back in 1986, they had not much today's technologies and knowledges yet. plus, there aren't any BIG disaster before chernobyl. but after chernobyl disaster, others countries, not only japan, are aware of the destruction power. therefore, come up with high safety precaution. kudos to japanese.
we shouldn't forget the fact that, the ukraine people just left the town like that. not doing anything to save the radiation from spreading like wind. first, they had nothing to cover the plants. its like, open air. second, there is nothing they can do. oppose to today, japan nuclear plants are in the middle of sea, so the damaged is still... acceptable although in few months time, radiation definitely will reach further than japan. and they use tons tons tons tons of seawater to cold down the rode. else if its melt down, radiation will be release and travel with winds.
before i sign off, here are few photos showing WHAT IS THE AFFECT OF RADIOACTIVE TO HUMAN!
some happen few months later. some, 10 YEARS OR 20 YEARS LATER.
some that exposed to radiation too much or direct contact, they died instantly or few hours later. i guess if you studied chemistry before, you will know.
first, exposed yourself to radiation may cause thyroid cancer, skin cancer etc. if this happen to children, their future..... are....
TO ANIMALS
HUMAN
~Light Up The Darkness~
Monday, April 4, 2011
12.40am 4 April 2011
time is running out. yet cant stop myself from writing blog after seeing one of the blogger was so semangat write blog. hmm. back to tbr. 12.40am. meaning i got exactly 24 hours to study 4 more chapters. and... i cant understand shit about standard deviation. out of so many topics, it must be this one. im sure i skipped the lecture for this one cause my notes empty and so clean. hmm. sien..... emo time....
suddenly felt my life is so empty when listening to yiruma - looking back.
does this song means i am looking back to my past? that is why i cant go forward and felt my life is empty? as far as i concern, my past, i guess is just different from now. only i can see the difference. only i know the difference. because it was me that live in this life.
or the "looking back" means something else? look back to your past to see your mistakes. and learn from it. in order for you to proceed and gain success in life.
well its all nonsense now because it is COMMON SENSE. duuh.. come on dude. we always heard this phrase everywhere we go. a common advice from our friends or someone from our surrounding. but how many of us really take the words into account? how many of us really do it?
you name it. i really want to write. but... got annoyed by some guy opposite my room keep coughing since 2 weeks ago?? im not sure. hope he get well soon cause its really annoying especially at night. im sorry but i am mean. ok. its time to go. else. sigh. i memang no mood study. what to do. damn hot. but still have to shoo my ass to notes. good luck to me and everyone that gonna sit for their exams or resit. all the best guys.
signing off. hopefully tomorrow i wont stay online all the time cause tomorrow ius last day preparation before exam cause my paper was on tuesday morning 9am paper. i really dont wish to fail again. love you God.
~Light Up The Darkness~
suddenly felt my life is so empty when listening to yiruma - looking back.
does this song means i am looking back to my past? that is why i cant go forward and felt my life is empty? as far as i concern, my past, i guess is just different from now. only i can see the difference. only i know the difference. because it was me that live in this life.
or the "looking back" means something else? look back to your past to see your mistakes. and learn from it. in order for you to proceed and gain success in life.
well its all nonsense now because it is COMMON SENSE. duuh.. come on dude. we always heard this phrase everywhere we go. a common advice from our friends or someone from our surrounding. but how many of us really take the words into account? how many of us really do it?
you name it. i really want to write. but... got annoyed by some guy opposite my room keep coughing since 2 weeks ago?? im not sure. hope he get well soon cause its really annoying especially at night. im sorry but i am mean. ok. its time to go. else. sigh. i memang no mood study. what to do. damn hot. but still have to shoo my ass to notes. good luck to me and everyone that gonna sit for their exams or resit. all the best guys.
signing off. hopefully tomorrow i wont stay online all the time cause tomorrow ius last day preparation before exam cause my paper was on tuesday morning 9am paper. i really dont wish to fail again. love you God.
~Light Up The Darkness~
Thursday, March 31, 2011
a new environment gonna starts soon
after seeing one of my friend whom i followed closely on his blog, i realize i should update more frequent although its just a shit i will write. hahaha LOLZ
well gonna start study for resit stats == i shall not see stats anymore. not the same paper. now see the notes also boring jor. same thing ==
found out cant study at tbr. weather too hot and got computer lagi cannot study. dont know at mom there can study or not. but dont care. take the risk. bow just woke up by sook yee ==
now gonna da bao and eat. then off to my mom house. yeah
well gonna start study for resit stats == i shall not see stats anymore. not the same paper. now see the notes also boring jor. same thing ==
found out cant study at tbr. weather too hot and got computer lagi cannot study. dont know at mom there can study or not. but dont care. take the risk. bow just woke up by sook yee ==
now gonna da bao and eat. then off to my mom house. yeah
Monday, March 28, 2011
siapakah ibu kamu
Seumur hidup, aku tak pernah cakap "Saya rindu ibu" atau ayat-ayat yang sewaktu dengannya jadi dia mungkin ingat aku ni jenis anak yang tak suka tunjukkan perasaan.
Mungkin bagi orang dewasa, aku budak yang macam tu. Jarang bercakap dan jarang tunjuk emosi. Membesar dengan senyap dan hidup dengan biasa-biasa je. Biasanya aku pendam je perasaan aku. Selalu tunjuk muka tak peduli, berdiri satu sudut dan pandang sekeliling.
Adakalanya ibu menangis bila tengok drama sedih. Masa tu aku akan gelakkan dia. Ibu cuma mengeluh je bila aku buat camtu. "Budak ni..." Orang kata, "Anak lelaki memang tak rapat dengan mak."
Seingat aku, aku memang jarang berada kat sisi ibu. Aku jarang berborak dengan dia atau dengar masalah dia. Malah aku buat endah tak endah je bila dia beritahu aku dia tak berapa sihat.
Bila dia beritahu keadaannya mungkin akan bertambah buruk.
Pada tahun tu, ibu menderita kerana penyakit kanser. Aku berada di dalam darjah 5, sekolah rendah. Aku tak tahu apa itu kanser.
Aku melawat dia sekali je kat hospital - hari sebelum pembedahan dia. Dia duduk kat katil - buat pertama kali, aku nampak keadaan ibu begitu lemah dan sakit. Bila dia pusing, dia nampak aku. Dengan cepat aku lari pada dia dan peluk dia kuat-kuat.
Sepanjang masa tu, aku tak tahu betapa menderitanya ibu dan aku tak tahu betapa dia menangis kerana aku. Kerana anak yang dingin dan tak sensitif macam aku ni.
Lepas beberapa bulan bertarung dengan penyakitnya, ibu memenangi perlawanan itu. Ibu pulang ke rumah. Pulang pada aku.
Ramai orang kata, anak adalah seperti anak burung. Bila sayap mereka sudah cukup kuat, mereka akan terbang meninggalkan rumah.
Dulu aku benci bila ibu tanya tentang keadaan aku sebab aku rasa aku dah cukup besar untuk jaga diri sendiri. Aku tak perlu dengar lagi nasihat dan pendapat dia. Aku selalu bergaduh dengan dia, menyebabkan ibu selalu bersedih sebab aku rasa pandangan ibu tu salah. Aku rasa ibu sangat ketinggalan zaman. Masa tu aku rasa aku dah cukup matang.
Beberapa tahun lepas, aku tinggalkan rumah, tinggalkan ibu. Aku cuba berdikari, mulakan hidup baru.
Setiap malam lepas balik kerja, bila aku balik ke bilik sewa aku, aku rasa kosong dan sunyi. Takde orang nak sambut aku. Seorang diri aku masak, makan, menulis dan adakalanya bercakap dengan diri sendiri.
Aku selalu ingat masa aku duduk dengan keluarga dulu. Setiap hari lepas sekolah, makanan dah tersedia kat ruang makan. Ibu pasti menanti aku di pintu. Bila aku kejar deadline untuk komik, aku akan lari pulang ke rumah dari perpustakaan dengan manuskrip kat tangan. Dengan penuh semangat aku tanya ibu, "Cuba teka berapa muka surat saya siapkan hari ni?" Ibu adalah sumber motivasi aku. Aku nak dia bangga dengan aku, jadi aku sentiasa berusaha untuk menjadi lebih baik.
Pada malam musim sejuk, bla suhu menjadi semakin dingin, ibu akan sediakan selimut dan tilam tebal untuk aku. Lepas aku tinggalkan rumah, setiap kali aku sakit, aku mesti teringat ibu. Sebab setiap kali aku sakit masa aku kecik dulu, ibu pasti berada kat sisi aku. Hilang rasa bimbang aku bila nampak dia.
Aku sentiasa ingat zaman kecil aku. Ibu bagaikan payung yang besar. Dia akan lindungi aku dari hujan panas. Setiap kali aku buat masalah, aku akan sorok di belakang ibu. Aku akan tarik bajunya dan dia akan selesaikan masalah tu untuk aku. Bila aku dewasa, setiap kali aku berdepan dengan masalah, aku masih terus memikirkan dia. Dalam hati, aku akan bertanya, "Ibu, apa patut aku buat?" "Ibu, tolong saya!"
Tapi hal ni takde orang yang tahu kecuali aku.
Banyak kali aku nak telefon dia tapi aku beritahu diri sendiri, tabahlah!
Sejak kecik lagi, aku jenis yang tak mudah menangis. Aku tak nak orang tau kesedihan dan kepedihan yang aku rasa. Walaupun aku rindu seseorang... orang yang aku sayang... aku pendam perasaan aku termasuk rasa kasih aku pada ibu.. Sebab tu ramai orang anggap aku anak yang dingin dan tak sensitif.
Ibu, sebenarnya saya silap.
Saya sangka dengan berpura-pura tak peduli dan dengan memendam emosi yang saya rasakan, saya dapat sorokkan kelemahan dan menjadi lebih kuat.
Ibu, saya sebenarnya tak kuat langsung.
Tak siapa tahu bila aku tengok cerita sedih kat TV, aku sorok dalam bilik air dan menangis lepas tu. Tak siapa tahu berhari-hari aku meratapi kematian burung, anak anjing dan anak kucing yang pernah aku bela.
Tak siapa tahu pada malam aku tinggalkan rumah, aku menangis dalam tren. Bila aku ingat je pada ibu, air mata aku mengalir tanpa dapat ditahan. Aku menangis sebab aku akan tinggalkan ibu, dan bila tren tu bawa aku semakin jauh darinya. Aku menangis bersungai-sungai. Aku tak sanggup bayangkan kesunyian yang ibu rasa sepanjang 7 tahun aku tinggalkan rumah. Aku tak sanggup bayangkan wajah sedih ibu sebab aku tahu, air mata aku akan mengalir lagi.
Jadi pada hari aku bertolak, aku tak benarkan dia hantar aku ke stesen.
Ibu, walaupun saya seorang lelaki, saya juga sebenarnya seorang yang sensitif dan penuh emosi. Maaf sebab saya tak pernah tunjukkan pada ibu.
Ibu kawan baik aku, Z, meninggal dunia dua tahun lepas.
Di majlis pengebumian tu, aku tak dapat menahan diri dari menangis. Aku nampak Z asyik pandang langit supaya air mata yang bergenang di kelopak matanya takkan mengalir. Dari belakang dia nampak tabah tapi sebenarnya dia paksa diri untuk jadi kuat. Di bawah langit musim sejuk yang cerah tu, dia nampak keseorangan.
Lagi seorang kawan baik aku, H pun kehilangan ibunya tak lama dulu. Ibunya ceria dan ramah tinggalkan kami begitu saja. Begitu tiba-tiba. Tanpa amaran, tanpa sebarang tanda. Buat kami rasa sedih dan menyesal.
Ketika itulah aku sedar, kami membesar dengan begitu cepat. Seseorang pernah kata, bila kita dewasa, ketika itulah ramai orang akan tinggalkan kita. Jadi di akhirnya, kita semua akan keseorangan. Sama seperti keadaan kita masa lahir dulu.
Hidup kita berpusing macam roda - kita terpaksa lepaskan banyak benda. Tidak semua benda dapat kita bawa sekali semasa roda berpusing laju. Mungkin apa yang boleh kita pegang hanyalah masa sekarang. Saat ini.
Sekurang-kurangnya pada detik ini, kita rasa gembira. Sekurang-kurangnya pada detik ini, kita dapat mengecapi kebahagiaan.
Kita mesti cukup berani untuk mencintai dan dicintai. Jadi kita takkan hidup dalam penyesalan.
Ibu, akhirnya saya faham maksud "kuat" yang sebenar. Erti kekuatan ialah memiliki keberanian untuk menunjukkan perasaan kita yang sebenar. Erti kekuatan ialah memiliki kebolehan untuk menyayangi orang yang kita sayangi.
Ibu, ibu adalah yang paling kuat. Demi membesarkan saya, ibu sanggup berkorban apa saja.
Demi saya, ibu tanggung sejuta kerisauan.
Kasih ibu, sampai bila-bila pun saya dapat rasa. Dari kecil hinggalah kini.
Ibu, saya akan menjadi seorang yang kuat dan berani. Dan kini saya akan luahkan apa yang terpendam dalam hati saya selama ini.
"Ibu, saya rindu ibu."
"Ibu, saya sayang ibu."
"Ibu, ibu adalah insan yang paling saya kasihi dalam dunia ini."
Mungkin bagi orang dewasa, aku budak yang macam tu. Jarang bercakap dan jarang tunjuk emosi. Membesar dengan senyap dan hidup dengan biasa-biasa je. Biasanya aku pendam je perasaan aku. Selalu tunjuk muka tak peduli, berdiri satu sudut dan pandang sekeliling.
Adakalanya ibu menangis bila tengok drama sedih. Masa tu aku akan gelakkan dia. Ibu cuma mengeluh je bila aku buat camtu. "Budak ni..." Orang kata, "Anak lelaki memang tak rapat dengan mak."
Seingat aku, aku memang jarang berada kat sisi ibu. Aku jarang berborak dengan dia atau dengar masalah dia. Malah aku buat endah tak endah je bila dia beritahu aku dia tak berapa sihat.
Bila dia beritahu keadaannya mungkin akan bertambah buruk.
Pada tahun tu, ibu menderita kerana penyakit kanser. Aku berada di dalam darjah 5, sekolah rendah. Aku tak tahu apa itu kanser.
Aku melawat dia sekali je kat hospital - hari sebelum pembedahan dia. Dia duduk kat katil - buat pertama kali, aku nampak keadaan ibu begitu lemah dan sakit. Bila dia pusing, dia nampak aku. Dengan cepat aku lari pada dia dan peluk dia kuat-kuat.
Sepanjang masa tu, aku tak tahu betapa menderitanya ibu dan aku tak tahu betapa dia menangis kerana aku. Kerana anak yang dingin dan tak sensitif macam aku ni.
Lepas beberapa bulan bertarung dengan penyakitnya, ibu memenangi perlawanan itu. Ibu pulang ke rumah. Pulang pada aku.
Ramai orang kata, anak adalah seperti anak burung. Bila sayap mereka sudah cukup kuat, mereka akan terbang meninggalkan rumah.
Dulu aku benci bila ibu tanya tentang keadaan aku sebab aku rasa aku dah cukup besar untuk jaga diri sendiri. Aku tak perlu dengar lagi nasihat dan pendapat dia. Aku selalu bergaduh dengan dia, menyebabkan ibu selalu bersedih sebab aku rasa pandangan ibu tu salah. Aku rasa ibu sangat ketinggalan zaman. Masa tu aku rasa aku dah cukup matang.
Beberapa tahun lepas, aku tinggalkan rumah, tinggalkan ibu. Aku cuba berdikari, mulakan hidup baru.
Setiap malam lepas balik kerja, bila aku balik ke bilik sewa aku, aku rasa kosong dan sunyi. Takde orang nak sambut aku. Seorang diri aku masak, makan, menulis dan adakalanya bercakap dengan diri sendiri.
Aku selalu ingat masa aku duduk dengan keluarga dulu. Setiap hari lepas sekolah, makanan dah tersedia kat ruang makan. Ibu pasti menanti aku di pintu. Bila aku kejar deadline untuk komik, aku akan lari pulang ke rumah dari perpustakaan dengan manuskrip kat tangan. Dengan penuh semangat aku tanya ibu, "Cuba teka berapa muka surat saya siapkan hari ni?" Ibu adalah sumber motivasi aku. Aku nak dia bangga dengan aku, jadi aku sentiasa berusaha untuk menjadi lebih baik.
Pada malam musim sejuk, bla suhu menjadi semakin dingin, ibu akan sediakan selimut dan tilam tebal untuk aku. Lepas aku tinggalkan rumah, setiap kali aku sakit, aku mesti teringat ibu. Sebab setiap kali aku sakit masa aku kecik dulu, ibu pasti berada kat sisi aku. Hilang rasa bimbang aku bila nampak dia.
Aku sentiasa ingat zaman kecil aku. Ibu bagaikan payung yang besar. Dia akan lindungi aku dari hujan panas. Setiap kali aku buat masalah, aku akan sorok di belakang ibu. Aku akan tarik bajunya dan dia akan selesaikan masalah tu untuk aku. Bila aku dewasa, setiap kali aku berdepan dengan masalah, aku masih terus memikirkan dia. Dalam hati, aku akan bertanya, "Ibu, apa patut aku buat?" "Ibu, tolong saya!"
Tapi hal ni takde orang yang tahu kecuali aku.
Banyak kali aku nak telefon dia tapi aku beritahu diri sendiri, tabahlah!
Sejak kecik lagi, aku jenis yang tak mudah menangis. Aku tak nak orang tau kesedihan dan kepedihan yang aku rasa. Walaupun aku rindu seseorang... orang yang aku sayang... aku pendam perasaan aku termasuk rasa kasih aku pada ibu.. Sebab tu ramai orang anggap aku anak yang dingin dan tak sensitif.
Ibu, sebenarnya saya silap.
Saya sangka dengan berpura-pura tak peduli dan dengan memendam emosi yang saya rasakan, saya dapat sorokkan kelemahan dan menjadi lebih kuat.
Ibu, saya sebenarnya tak kuat langsung.
Tak siapa tahu bila aku tengok cerita sedih kat TV, aku sorok dalam bilik air dan menangis lepas tu. Tak siapa tahu berhari-hari aku meratapi kematian burung, anak anjing dan anak kucing yang pernah aku bela.
Tak siapa tahu pada malam aku tinggalkan rumah, aku menangis dalam tren. Bila aku ingat je pada ibu, air mata aku mengalir tanpa dapat ditahan. Aku menangis sebab aku akan tinggalkan ibu, dan bila tren tu bawa aku semakin jauh darinya. Aku menangis bersungai-sungai. Aku tak sanggup bayangkan kesunyian yang ibu rasa sepanjang 7 tahun aku tinggalkan rumah. Aku tak sanggup bayangkan wajah sedih ibu sebab aku tahu, air mata aku akan mengalir lagi.
Jadi pada hari aku bertolak, aku tak benarkan dia hantar aku ke stesen.
Ibu, walaupun saya seorang lelaki, saya juga sebenarnya seorang yang sensitif dan penuh emosi. Maaf sebab saya tak pernah tunjukkan pada ibu.
Ibu kawan baik aku, Z, meninggal dunia dua tahun lepas.
Di majlis pengebumian tu, aku tak dapat menahan diri dari menangis. Aku nampak Z asyik pandang langit supaya air mata yang bergenang di kelopak matanya takkan mengalir. Dari belakang dia nampak tabah tapi sebenarnya dia paksa diri untuk jadi kuat. Di bawah langit musim sejuk yang cerah tu, dia nampak keseorangan.
Lagi seorang kawan baik aku, H pun kehilangan ibunya tak lama dulu. Ibunya ceria dan ramah tinggalkan kami begitu saja. Begitu tiba-tiba. Tanpa amaran, tanpa sebarang tanda. Buat kami rasa sedih dan menyesal.
Ketika itulah aku sedar, kami membesar dengan begitu cepat. Seseorang pernah kata, bila kita dewasa, ketika itulah ramai orang akan tinggalkan kita. Jadi di akhirnya, kita semua akan keseorangan. Sama seperti keadaan kita masa lahir dulu.
Hidup kita berpusing macam roda - kita terpaksa lepaskan banyak benda. Tidak semua benda dapat kita bawa sekali semasa roda berpusing laju. Mungkin apa yang boleh kita pegang hanyalah masa sekarang. Saat ini.
Sekurang-kurangnya pada detik ini, kita rasa gembira. Sekurang-kurangnya pada detik ini, kita dapat mengecapi kebahagiaan.
Kita mesti cukup berani untuk mencintai dan dicintai. Jadi kita takkan hidup dalam penyesalan.
Ibu, akhirnya saya faham maksud "kuat" yang sebenar. Erti kekuatan ialah memiliki keberanian untuk menunjukkan perasaan kita yang sebenar. Erti kekuatan ialah memiliki kebolehan untuk menyayangi orang yang kita sayangi.
Ibu, ibu adalah yang paling kuat. Demi membesarkan saya, ibu sanggup berkorban apa saja.
Demi saya, ibu tanggung sejuta kerisauan.
Kasih ibu, sampai bila-bila pun saya dapat rasa. Dari kecil hinggalah kini.
Ibu, saya akan menjadi seorang yang kuat dan berani. Dan kini saya akan luahkan apa yang terpendam dalam hati saya selama ini.
"Ibu, saya rindu ibu."
"Ibu, saya sayang ibu."
"Ibu, ibu adalah insan yang paling saya kasihi dalam dunia ini."
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
half a year gone without updates
yeah again im talking about my blog. LOLZ
ok. before i start writing anything, wanna emphasize on something with is my nightmare of internship. i had this internship with Street Directory (M) Sdn Bhd.
unfortunately, not to talk bad anyone, im just not suitable to work there. they need marketing intern. while im fully pr. not to say im choosy or what but they cant provide me sufficient pr for my studies and, internship report. well they asked me to relate theoretical framework into our weekly report and final report. but i just cant cause it does not reflect pr at all and if i were to do so, thats lying which against my principle. to cut a long story short, i terminated the internship there and here i am filling my life with something. well, i had no life since first day with the company. 8-9pm only finish work. no life at all man. what we did or what happened during my one month stint there, i rather forget about it though it had deep scar in my mind.
many people convince me not to terminate cause if i do, i gotta repeat. some people think repeat the same internship next year, bla bla bla. to clear the confusion here,PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND I HOPE NO MORE CONFUSION AFTER THIS EXPLANATION cause im tired of explaining same shit over and over again.
ok, i terminated internship, i STILL can proceed to SECOND YEAR with everyone else. but next year feb-april, i gotta repeat 2 subjects, integrated marketing communication and Interpersonal and Professional Communication. this 2 subjects carried 8 credit hour, which equivalent to INDUSTRIAL ATTACHMENT (internship la) 8 credit hour. meaning, you people punya internship value 8 credit hour!! so i need to repeat that 2 subject to replace the 8 credit hours from my internship. why REPEAT? cause now in college is week5, i cant enter college continue study.and also, since i terminated means, i FAILED this full-coursework-subject. therefore, REPEAT lo.
also, repeating means, i cant fly to liverpool with the rest of you guys. WHY?
usually april examination, result release in may right? but this 2 subjects result will release in september. meaning, 2012 february i take this 2 subjects, september 2012 only got result. by the year 2012 june, you all fly to liverpool jor. september 2012, my result release, but you all come back malaysia jor. so i have to wait 2013 de batch to fly to liverpool. i fully conscious about the consequences and i bear all the responsibility of repeating without influence of any party.
i know, after you guys fly to liverpool , im all alone here wait one year to fly. sien. but, be adventurous. if i were still in that company, i will not have my life back. working from 9.30am-9.30pm. sometimes 8pm. earliest 7pm. only after i make a fuss about it, we can leave at 6.30pm. as far as i concern, only twice we go back at 6.30pm. i know, interns are cheap labor. fully utilize them. chinese say " sai chun hui"
i know all these. seriously, if this is event or pr company, i dont mind being overuse but.... asking us to do something not about pr is just bullshit to me. i mean, i want pr, you give me pr, i give you what you want. enough with the internship thingy. i hope i clear all your confusion now. sorry for writing so long cause i hope in this few paragraph, sufficient to answer you 5W1H LOLZ too much pr jor :P
anyway, 8 months with my baby jor. love her more each day. still i owe her valentine celebration cause both having internship so quite busy. well its ok gotta replace asap. in a meanwhile, i gotta comtinue what i want to do. manga!!! LOLZ. signing off man. peace.
~Light Up The Darkness~
ok. before i start writing anything, wanna emphasize on something with is my nightmare of internship. i had this internship with Street Directory (M) Sdn Bhd.
unfortunately, not to talk bad anyone, im just not suitable to work there. they need marketing intern. while im fully pr. not to say im choosy or what but they cant provide me sufficient pr for my studies and, internship report. well they asked me to relate theoretical framework into our weekly report and final report. but i just cant cause it does not reflect pr at all and if i were to do so, thats lying which against my principle. to cut a long story short, i terminated the internship there and here i am filling my life with something. well, i had no life since first day with the company. 8-9pm only finish work. no life at all man. what we did or what happened during my one month stint there, i rather forget about it though it had deep scar in my mind.
many people convince me not to terminate cause if i do, i gotta repeat. some people think repeat the same internship next year, bla bla bla. to clear the confusion here,PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND I HOPE NO MORE CONFUSION AFTER THIS EXPLANATION cause im tired of explaining same shit over and over again.
ok, i terminated internship, i STILL can proceed to SECOND YEAR with everyone else. but next year feb-april, i gotta repeat 2 subjects, integrated marketing communication and Interpersonal and Professional Communication. this 2 subjects carried 8 credit hour, which equivalent to INDUSTRIAL ATTACHMENT (internship la) 8 credit hour. meaning, you people punya internship value 8 credit hour!! so i need to repeat that 2 subject to replace the 8 credit hours from my internship. why REPEAT? cause now in college is week5, i cant enter college continue study.and also, since i terminated means, i FAILED this full-coursework-subject. therefore, REPEAT lo.
also, repeating means, i cant fly to liverpool with the rest of you guys. WHY?
usually april examination, result release in may right? but this 2 subjects result will release in september. meaning, 2012 february i take this 2 subjects, september 2012 only got result. by the year 2012 june, you all fly to liverpool jor. september 2012, my result release, but you all come back malaysia jor. so i have to wait 2013 de batch to fly to liverpool. i fully conscious about the consequences and i bear all the responsibility of repeating without influence of any party.
i know, after you guys fly to liverpool , im all alone here wait one year to fly. sien. but, be adventurous. if i were still in that company, i will not have my life back. working from 9.30am-9.30pm. sometimes 8pm. earliest 7pm. only after i make a fuss about it, we can leave at 6.30pm. as far as i concern, only twice we go back at 6.30pm. i know, interns are cheap labor. fully utilize them. chinese say " sai chun hui"
i know all these. seriously, if this is event or pr company, i dont mind being overuse but.... asking us to do something not about pr is just bullshit to me. i mean, i want pr, you give me pr, i give you what you want. enough with the internship thingy. i hope i clear all your confusion now. sorry for writing so long cause i hope in this few paragraph, sufficient to answer you 5W1H LOLZ too much pr jor :P
anyway, 8 months with my baby jor. love her more each day. still i owe her valentine celebration cause both having internship so quite busy. well its ok gotta replace asap. in a meanwhile, i gotta comtinue what i want to do. manga!!! LOLZ. signing off man. peace.
~Light Up The Darkness~
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