back to blogging for today only

yesterday, 21st june 2008. exactly one month ago is the day we've been separate and go on with our own path. that is also means you had decided to leave me after all the misunderstood and problems that occur between us. i knew that leaving me is not what you wish to do. but choice weren't much to make. yet decision has to be made for both of our good. and i respect your decision because i love you and i don't want to hurt you anymore. all this while i have been treat you with all my soul and heart. because i have already found the girl that i really want to be with forever. but things didn't turn the way we wanted to. and matters are jealous with our strong love bond we had create. therefore it tend to ruins our relationship. blame no one but i know its my fault that caused this all. i know i shouldn't even think about it. but i already thought about it. this is what i regretted but its too late to apologies. yes you are right. mummy was right too. not many people understand the meaning of emotional infidelity. its not the action, but the thought that counts. why i didn't think about all this? am i too simple minded guy?? if i were, sorry for not being the perfect man you wanted to. i wish i could but my past had created what am i today. perhaps I'm too dumb for all that. i wish one day i will be.

since the day you left me, people seeing you as in you had change dramatically. no you are not i knew it. you just being yourself. want you want to do all this while. perhaps all this while when i with you, you don't feel right to do it because don't want to hurt me. thanks baby. and i;m deeply apologies if my appearance in your life had create a barrier between you and yourself. people tend to misunderstood you and I've tried to explain but nothing much seems work. enough is enough. they couldn't understand you like i do in this way.

what had past is past. English saying... yesterday was history. tomorrow was mystery. today is gift. enjoy it and appreciate every single thing He gave you and do not regret with what you do. therefore think before you do. but why i don't even fulfill any requirement above??? i always didn't think before i do. i blame myself for not treating you right. for not appreciate you enough. why am i so foolish letting go the girl that i love the most. the girl that gave me everything i need. the girl that gave me all she have. why. why. there is nothing i should say anymore.

i wish i could turn back time to correct my mistake. just that error ruins our relationship. I'm truly sorry baby. as you are the best girl in my life. and I'm so proud to call you my girl. why i keep repeating the same mistake over and over??? why i couldn't learn from mistake??? why only when i had lost you only know how to appreciate you?? why am i so dumb. can you just give me your hand over my face? i think i must wake up. perhaps i have been winning all the time. its time for me to learn what is the losing taste. learn from losing. losing is the key to success. but why am i always failed in my relationship?? i am very frustrated and disappointed in myself. how can i didn't appreciate you well enough. why i can make such idiotic decision. why.

i still and always remember what you told me. and you should know how i feel when you say those memorable magical words to me. forever and always. i seems to be ignoring you. but the fact is, I'm too afraid to see you. i couldn't stand seeing our heart so near yet so far. that is the hardest thing i could ever face. and i have to stand with it. every time i see you, i recall the moments we spend together as couple. being with you i can ask for no more. and its the best thing He would've gave me. every moment i spend with you is the moment i treasure. its not that i don't want to open my heart for others. is i couldn't forget you. everything i do, it seems you were with me. but i know you are not. how i wish, you were there for me every time i need you.

at genting we started. at genting we ended. how beautiful our love had been. how much obstacles we have gone through as a couple. and how much love we had express to each other. why my tears still forming? i don't know. perhaps, i still love you. its already one month. you are still exist in my heart. perhaps, it'll stay there for a long term. maybe forever? who knows. i am no one to care you. no one to speak. as there is much more others to care and speak to you. why. why you giving me this feeling. perhaps I'm too understand you?? hope I'm not. i hope one day you will come and tell the truth. even the truth is hurt. so that i will know the truth. what you have been thinking. but please. i don't want to.

my friends wouldn't want me to do anything for you. but its even hurt my heart. i saw the one that i love suffering. but i can't do much. she is wondering but i couldn't do much to answer her doubt. its not that i listen to my friends. they just do it for my good. and they were right. who am i to do all this thing. your friends should had done that earlier. they should be the one who cares for you. i am no one. no one. if you still love me, my care is care. my word is real. but if you doesn't love me, my cares is annoying. and my words, are rubbish. therefore, how i know what to do. i;m in dilemma. to do or not to do. perhaps i really have lots of thing to learn about you. that is why i couldn't figure out what you were thinking. no one can help me. no one there to advice me. I'm death.

I've learn t. sometimes, things needn't to mention or repeat. if you know it, you'll feel it. repeating it just will make one felt annoying. and the less those words been spoken, the more meaningful it will be. the meaning of love is not as simple as one can see, feel or even think it is. it has thousand of hidden meaning. some will find it wonderful. because they had found their true love. some may hate it because they found it terrible. and me. its true love. you thought what love means. what care is. and how important we meant to each other. friends tell me to go on with lives. its not the end of my life. but its the end of a beautiful love with a wonderful girl. how i wish i could have you once again. and i wouldn't let you go. wouldn't do anything that may harm you. and gonna treat you really right.

i do not want to go for others because i still have you in my heart. and i don't want to hurt others because i know they are just replacement of come one that can't be replace.indeed. in fact, i still have strong feel on you. but i have learn one thing. to love you for who you are. and to cope with your life style. i guess I'm getting it on me. i would not like to say it for many. but just for once and for all. i still miss you baby. and i still waiting. loving you is great experience. having you is the best gift. being with you is what He have me. now and always i will be loving you.

first greatest thing in the world is for you to love someone. second is for that person to love you back. and how wonderful it is when the third greatest, is for the first and second happen at the same time. this is what we call faith.

there is a lot more for me to say. but no matter how long i write or how much i talk, nothing can be replace these words.i love you.