first time experience this

well. 20 years. first time experienced this. damn tension about something that i shouldn't. why can't i just be a normal student? and do my responsibility as a student and a son? why must i meet with all this obstacle? i just another odinary person like many do. but why?

why must me? is it the meaning that is it the time i start to grow up? i don't know.
until very now i still can't accept the truth. the fact actually. i wish i could but i was to afraid to accept. yet i rather enjoying my fantasy life. why can't i just become an ordinary person?

i knew that when it comes, just face it. eric leong. its time for you to grow up. but why i find it hard to cope with? rubbish. this is all shits.
sick of this. i... do not know waht should i do next.

i fall for you the moment i saw you. i wish i didn't but eventually i did. having your number is because i just want to tell you how beautiful you are. even though you may not even care about it. even though you don't even bother to reply me. but i know the chance is there for me. and i can't just see it fly away again. and all i did is just to tell you that you are beautiful. i don't mind losing you as a friend as i do so because thi is what i feel about you. although we just another hi bye friend.

yet there is many temptation. when you fall for me, i still not assure of it because its all the rumor and stories that had playing around from the first day i know you. therefore i know its not true. i keep asking myself a very basic question. yet i can't answer to myself a satisfied answer.

today, finally i got the answer. thank to a friend of mine. i finally find this answer out of myself. i'm just an ordinary person. that is why i can't figure out the answer at first. idiotic of me. i with i could live my life as simple as i wanted to. but i knew i can't. please.

the answer is, do not leave the one that you love for the one that you like because the one that you like will leave you for the one that they love. simple yet complicated. not confusing after all huh. don't be greedy because one have to be appreciate what one have. otherwise, one will lose both and have nothing in return. this is what life is. i know it but i don't get it. what on earth is this. rubbish one will say but this is my life.

haih... but luckily i found my answer eventually. i may not know if we are better as friend or lover, but maybe i still too young for this. i definitely wanted us to be more than friend as my feeling towards you is growing as time pass by.

tonight will be the night that i will fall for you. over again don't make me cahnge my mind. i won't live to see another day, i swear its true. because a girl like you is impossible to find. your're imposible to find.

you are a part of a guy as many people will see. i afraid of you the first glance at you. but fall for you the next time our eyes meet. there is more than meets the eyes. you are a good girl. good student definitely. good daughter. and no doubt a good lover. i do not know why you had such past. although i really mad with him but angry you i shall not because love is blind. but i do believe it is a hard one and you gone through many difficult time to stand on your own. i can't believe you he treat you like rubbish. no doubt you are more careful and have doubt in believing guy. hopefully i can proof to you and one day you will realize that i am different from who he is. i am myself. i am who i am.

all i can say is i'm gonna treat you right because i really love you. i can't promise you anything because i don't want to break that promise and cause you to lose your trust on me. you are a really good girl. appreciate you i must. protecting you i shall. love you i will. time will proof everything as i do believe. i do not know how long i can wait as i am impatient people. but you definitely some one that worth my heart to fall to. apologies from me if i did or said anything wrong to you. i use my time to understanding you more and more. i try to control myself from going crazy over you. but one thing i can't control is i falling deeper for you. i love you.